Dating in Buenos Aires.

nlaruccia

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I wanted to start a thread about dating in Buenos Aires and where we foreign women can share our experiences. I've been here seven years and still don't understand the men here. Most of them, not all, seem hysterical, don't know what they want, and consider cheating perfectly acceptable. What is your take on the men here and how a foreigner can survive relationships in Buenos Aires?
 
I'm a guy who has no interest in dating here but I can't wait to follow this. Ladies, please do tell ...
 
I'm intrerested in this too. I remember hearing from Argentine women friends that men play games as well.
 
Exat mens' stories about Argentinean women are welcome too. I've been here a long time and have discussed this subject with many therapists and analysts about the identity crisis people have here. It's still difficult to understand the dating and marrying codes. I know that fifty years ago men who could afford a mistress had one. Most Argentineans agree that it's perfectly normal for people to date or to marry and both take a lover afterward. Not just the husbands, but the wives now days. It's difficult to get used to the fact that they don't do what they say nor say what they mean. Any thoughts?
 
I had had some downright awful experiences with the men in BsAs (both Argentine and foreign). I found many of them to be too forward/aggressive, not completely honest, they played games, etc. But in October last year, I found my boyfriend (who is Argentine), and honestly, I have never been happier in a relationship... He shatters all those rotten stereotypes, and I feel completely secure with him. What can I say, I got incredibly lucky :D

There are a LOT of crummy guys out there, but the good ones DO exist (yes, even here)! Sometimes it´s just a matter of being at the right place at the right time (and the chances are, that place is NOT a boliche)...

Don´t give up!
 
I have a hard time dating here for several reasons.

1) Independence. The men I've met have loved it in theory but not so much in actuality. I have a pretty high-stress job and my hours are crazy. I also have friends and yes, I make my own plans. So when I'm not available for last-minute dates, they get all cranky.
a) I have zero interest in cooking and cleaning for a man - or at least it being expected that the woman will do this. This seems to be pretty culturally ingrained though. Some of the men I dated wanted nothing more than to hang out at my apt, have me cook dinner for them (and do the dishes natch) and considered it a great evening. Me, not so much.
b) Money issues. I earn a decent salary and for here, it's a high salary. I don't need a man to pay my bills. I find that talking about money gets very uncomfortable very quickly. And I'm not going to apologize for my job but a lot of men get really defensive that they earn less than me. (I'm not out flaunting money around just to clarify and it's not so important to me what he earns, providing he works hard but it seems like it is a direct blow to their esteem if I earn more.)

2) Lack of meaning in the words. I really struggle with this. For example, in the US - if a man said I love you, introduced you to his family, talked about having kids with you - all these would be pretty clear signals that he was serious about you. Here - not so much. they're just words. (Del dicho al hecho, hay mucho trecho!;))

3) Drama. Dear god the drama. Again, it's a cultural thing but i just don't do screaming fights, scenes, etc. And if I do, it's because I'm REALLY angry. And I'm just not going to get over that. But here, it's as though it's accepted, even required. If you don't have fight, you don't love one another. (I've been told I was cold because I don't want to have huge fights). And when you do have a big fight, you make up and poof - it's like it never happened. But for me - if you're screaming at me or telling me terrible things, I'm going to remember them.

4) Lack of maturity. Men in their 30s here are like men in their 20s where i come from. If they're single, they're still going out to bars and boliches and a lot of them are dating women in their early 20s. I have a conocido in his 30s who still lives at home and is in no rush to move out. I can't even begin to fathom that.

5) Baggage. I swear, we all have it but the men here take it to a new level. There is almost always a kid with a baby mama, a crazy ex, therapists, etc, etc. It just seems like I spent more time listening to them talk about their problems than doing something fun.

I dated a guy here - we weren't bf/gf but hung out a lot together. We were talking about having a relationship and he said to me (and it really encapsulated my problems dating here) - "Look, I like you, I really enjoy spending time with you. But if you're my girlfriend, I'm going to call you 5x a day or you're going to be calling me asking me where I am and we'll fight all the time. I just can't handle the pressure of a relationship." And that truly is what he thought a relationship would be - fights and drama and jealousy. And that is the farthest thing from what a relationship is for me. However, after all that, he didn't want me to date anyone else - just expected me to stay and wait for him...

Is that to say all men are like that or think that? No, of course not. But I do find it really, really hard to date here. I've had 4 relationships with Argentines. The first was a typical histerico - we fought all the time (broke up in 3 different countries:eek:). Lots of drama, fighting, making up, scenes, etc. It was exhausting. The 2nd was in his 30s, still lived at home and was in no rush to grow up - nice guy but I felt like his mother. The 3rd (the youngest actually) was great although it didn't work out for other reasons. He wound up moving overseas to study. And the 4th was the guy I mentioned above who wanted to have all the benefits of a relationship but without really committing.

Sigh.. it's one of the reason I think about leaving Argentina - sometimes I feel as though the cultural differences are just too great to overcome when it comes to relationships.
 
just sayin

WifeCarryingBeer.jpg
 
citygirl said:
a) I have zero interest in cooking and cleaning for a man - or at least it being expected that the woman will do this. This seems to be pretty culturally ingrained though. Some of the men I dated wanted nothing more than to hang out at my apt, have me cook dinner for them (and do the dishes natch) and considered it a great evening. Me, not so much.

I'm here with my OH from home but this reminded me of when we moved into the house we are in now. We live with 3 guys.

For ages they keep coming up to me saying things like...oh we bought more washing up liquid....we bought this mop etc.

After a while I realised that even though I didn't know these guys at all they expected me to do the housework for them.

Their dishes only get washed when one of their girlfriends come over!!!!!

What a nightmare! I feel bad for anyone on the dating scene here if thats what you have to contend with!
 
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