Melancholy for my former country … and how it’s changing

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Millie

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Hi All,
The goal of this post for me, is not to be political at all, but simply to write my feelings about today, a year after what happened at the Capitol.
I am writing this partly as a catharsis and wondering if anyone else has similar feelings …
The sense of sadness that I feel for a country which is no longer my home and which I no longer recognize, is what I am trying to articulate. This feeling is due to divisiveness and values which I don’t espouse …and a place that has changed dramatically over the years…and I am not sure if I ever felt at home there actually. I can’t explain the strong sense of sadness and loss that I feel when I recall seeing the events of a year ago today in the news. I literally felt that my heart was being shattered and that the country or the vestige of the country that I thought I knew was changing forever.
These feelings are tempered by my happiness and sense of fulfillment that comes from life here and the family and relationships I have here… I feel like I am living my best life and it’s a type of relief to not feel like you have to keep up with the Joneses. I feel like my heart has a split sceeen due to feelings for both countries, however what is coming more and more into laser sharp focus is my life here, and my years in Massachusetts are fast receding in to memory …
Therefore , for me , what comprises my past is my life there, and it’s definitely not my future …Does anyone else feel similar emotions or tugs at the heartstrings sometimes ? It’s weird because I consider Argentina my home now, as it has been for two and a half years, and I am happily engrossed in all aspects of life here, but I feel almost a sense of guilt that what is happening at any given moment in the U.S. feels alien and completely separated from my current existence…. …
Sorry for the length and for the meandering; I just felt like expressing myself and was wondering if I am the only one who feels these emotions ..
I am feeling more and more detached from life there as time passes, as it feels neither like a relief to have these feelings, nor unnatural to feel this way …
What I know is that it feels totally natural for me to be here and to feel ensconced in this new home…
I feel like I was always meant to be here… but somehow I feel twinges of guilt that I don’t feel more linked to my birthplace.,,,
 
Hi…
I understand what you are saying and I denounce any country and any leadership anywhere in the world where people can not live freely, without fear of persecution or being killed. I have a conscience and I feel sad and distraught about any one who is helpless for whatever reason anywhere in the world …
I never meant for this post to be a political essay , I am not a martyr and I am not trying to be one .
Simply put I was trying to express my strong and mixed feelings about my past life and my current happy life .. that’s all.. nothing more nothing less .. if I hurt or offended anyone I am sincerely sorry, it was never my Intent and this was not in any way meant to be an argumentative post , simply musings about my perspective.. I never said it was the right perspective …again, sincere apologies if I upset anyone; it was never the goal.
 
Two things I need to add …
First… I am a human being with flaws like everyone else.. but having said that, I never voted for anyone in government office who would ever harm a fly much less a populace .. and I am not sure why I am being blamed by the choices of my former country’s government.,
Second .. I chose to leave said country because I no longer like the way things are there and I found a better and happier place here …
So… having said that … I think that I am pretty clear that I don’t agree with the way things are in the US now and I choose not to live there … and I am not even sure why I need to defend myself when all I was trying to do is to see if anyone else had similar feelings considering many of us are expats here.. and the feelings don’t have to be specific to the US , they can be about your birth country . Hope I clarified myself. I wish people wouldn’t get so upset over something that I never meant to upset anyone about .. I wanted to know if anyone felt the same way : not if they agree with US domestic and foreign policy. Sorry for upsetting everyone.. was not my intention.
 
You only upset one forum member so far, it appears....

Though yes, it is a political post, though it could also be interpreted as sadness relating to the false-flag staging of a riot and the failure of weak elected officials to condemn a stolen election thereby negating the will of the people to usher in an era of un-American tyranny. So I suppose it is in the mind's eye of the reader regarding the side expressed and just a sharing of emotions of deep disappointment overall.

Well-written post, and I share your melancholy regarding the present United States of America. Don't apologize.
 
No need to apologize, Millie. Your post was heartfelt and not offensive at all. But some in this forum are always eager to vilify the US.

I, too, yearn for the country it used to be, and am deeply saddened by what's going on lately. A generous, welcoming country is being brought down by ignorance, hatred, xenophobia, and racism.
 
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Empires come and go. USA had a good run. It was always a country built on slavery and myth. Plenty of folks--myself among them--did very well. Many not. Happy I left in Oct 2019 when things were starting to crumble. Now, it's CABA and Tuscany and no looking back.
 
A very thoughtful piece and of course you are far from alone with your thoughts. It's easy to presume that you are writing from the perspective of someone with a liberal overview so I just wanted to say that this feeling of not belonging anymore may be more widespread than you imagine. One of my oldest and dearest friends in the United States is very conservative and she feels she too no longer understands her country. Perhaps what so many people from so far across the spectrum have in common is the feeling of disorientation, of not belonging where we used to belong. Maybe that something in common could be a starting point for healing some of the divisions that have separated us for too long?

It's certainly a wider ranging issue than just what happens in the USA or even what's happening just now. Back in the sixties, a pair of Swedish communists wrote a series of ten books over ten years about the disintegration of Swedish society through the eyes of a police inspector. They are the Martin Beck killings by Maj Sjöwall and Per Wahlöö and you can read them as detective stories or as a social history of Sweden. John Le Carré has been doing the same since 1961: writing about Britain in the guise of the spy novel. As the flyleaf on "Silverview" written in 2021 and his final novel says: "What do you owe to your country when you no longer recognise it?"
 
Greg S said:
Empires come and go. USA had a good run. It was always a country built on slavery and myth. Plenty of folks--myself among them--did very well. Many not. Happy I left in Oct 2019 when things were starting to crumble. Now, it's CABA and Tuscany and no looking back.
Click to expand...
I left in the second week of 2006. Either here or Thailand since. No regrets.
 
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