MorganF
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- Apr 7, 2011
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After years in Buenos Aires, I've become disillusioned with every garbage bag I've found. I've been wanting to find just the perfect one for me, and the market here is so competitive, and it's so hard to find just the right one. In fact, as a traditional guy, I've gone out of my way to try to find the garbage bags just like those in my ancestral homeland. These modern garbage bags in BA just aren't like the old-fashioned ones in the Old Country.
But each time I've found a garbage bag that I think I would hit it off perfectly with, that I would think would fit with me so perfectly -- something would go wrong. With so many garbage bags in the sea, it is hard to find just the right one for you!
Usually, in this country, garbage bags suffer from four problems. They're just crazy, really histerica!!!! In four specific ways:
FIRST -- they just break so easily. Not like the ones back home! The garbage bags back home, you can scrape them and scream at them and bend them and take your baseball bat and hit them -- and they'll just never break. They don't even complain it when you hurt them!!!!! Nor do they tear up. They will handle any garbage you throw at them.
But the garbage bags here just aren't like that. They're so millennial, so sensitive and emotional. You put in a half-kilo of garbage, pick her up.... and bam, she breaks down, crying, hysterically. They just don't make them strong here. And I like my garbage bags so strong, that they can handle all my shit. I love garbage bags that I can pick up, hold up on top of me, and then throw around a little bit.
SECOND -- there are just different expectations for how one should smell here, as compared to my home country. Back home, the garbage bags include odorless treatments so, you just can't smell what's inside them. But here..... oh wow! How often do Porten~os shower??? With just one day's leftovers and even if you cover it up completely, the whole house stinks!!!!
It's incredible that here, it's perfectly acceptable to just smell disgusting. You know, they say that France is similar, with no one showering either!
THIRD -- back home, the garbage bags usually let you tie a string around their necks. They usually include them. They just love it when you get up close and pull those strings tightly, oh so tightly. It make make it hard for them to breathe but trust me, it really turns them on.
But not so here -- here, most garbage bags don't even include the tightening strings!!! Sometimes they do, but even when they do... see point number one. You tighten the string around her neck too tightly and it'll snap and you'll kill her. So you need to be careful!
FOURTH -- there's a noticeable difference in how much they think they're worth, in the open market, where people go to pay to find just the right one. Here, you need to wine them and dine them, treat them first class, and maybe even get a bank loan for them - they think they're the fanciest in the world!! But back home, they just have reasonable price expectations. Here, I can usually buy (if memory serves correctly) something like 10 of them for 80 pesos, so that's about 50 US cents each; while a good ol' American box of garbage bags, with all the above, costs.... a box of 80 for $10 usd.... 12 US cents each.... so about 4x the price.
So... what is one to do........?
Well, here is what I did:
After meeting lots and lots, and keeping and open mind -- after all, maybe my expectations are too high? Maybe the garbage bags here aren't "inferior", but they're just "different" -- I found just the perfect garbage bags, just right for me, the one that I knew would capture my heart and my mind, that would soothe my desires, calm my spirit, and inspire me to greatness. Plus she helps me keep clean.
And you know what I did with her?
I stuffed her into my suitcase and brought her back to Buenos Aires!!!! She's cute, beautiful, and we get along amazingly. Don't judge her by name, though. Her name is "Hefty" and I know it doesn't sound beautiful, but she is.
morgan
But each time I've found a garbage bag that I think I would hit it off perfectly with, that I would think would fit with me so perfectly -- something would go wrong. With so many garbage bags in the sea, it is hard to find just the right one for you!
Usually, in this country, garbage bags suffer from four problems. They're just crazy, really histerica!!!! In four specific ways:
FIRST -- they just break so easily. Not like the ones back home! The garbage bags back home, you can scrape them and scream at them and bend them and take your baseball bat and hit them -- and they'll just never break. They don't even complain it when you hurt them!!!!! Nor do they tear up. They will handle any garbage you throw at them.
But the garbage bags here just aren't like that. They're so millennial, so sensitive and emotional. You put in a half-kilo of garbage, pick her up.... and bam, she breaks down, crying, hysterically. They just don't make them strong here. And I like my garbage bags so strong, that they can handle all my shit. I love garbage bags that I can pick up, hold up on top of me, and then throw around a little bit.
SECOND -- there are just different expectations for how one should smell here, as compared to my home country. Back home, the garbage bags include odorless treatments so, you just can't smell what's inside them. But here..... oh wow! How often do Porten~os shower??? With just one day's leftovers and even if you cover it up completely, the whole house stinks!!!!
It's incredible that here, it's perfectly acceptable to just smell disgusting. You know, they say that France is similar, with no one showering either!
THIRD -- back home, the garbage bags usually let you tie a string around their necks. They usually include them. They just love it when you get up close and pull those strings tightly, oh so tightly. It make make it hard for them to breathe but trust me, it really turns them on.
But not so here -- here, most garbage bags don't even include the tightening strings!!! Sometimes they do, but even when they do... see point number one. You tighten the string around her neck too tightly and it'll snap and you'll kill her. So you need to be careful!
FOURTH -- there's a noticeable difference in how much they think they're worth, in the open market, where people go to pay to find just the right one. Here, you need to wine them and dine them, treat them first class, and maybe even get a bank loan for them - they think they're the fanciest in the world!! But back home, they just have reasonable price expectations. Here, I can usually buy (if memory serves correctly) something like 10 of them for 80 pesos, so that's about 50 US cents each; while a good ol' American box of garbage bags, with all the above, costs.... a box of 80 for $10 usd.... 12 US cents each.... so about 4x the price.
So... what is one to do........?
Well, here is what I did:
After meeting lots and lots, and keeping and open mind -- after all, maybe my expectations are too high? Maybe the garbage bags here aren't "inferior", but they're just "different" -- I found just the perfect garbage bags, just right for me, the one that I knew would capture my heart and my mind, that would soothe my desires, calm my spirit, and inspire me to greatness. Plus she helps me keep clean.
And you know what I did with her?
I stuffed her into my suitcase and brought her back to Buenos Aires!!!! She's cute, beautiful, and we get along amazingly. Don't judge her by name, though. Her name is "Hefty" and I know it doesn't sound beautiful, but she is.
morgan