Long-termers, how do you deal with being homesick?

[jaredwb]

I moved here back in 2003 and have loved EVERY minute of living in Buenos Aires. I think the key for me has been surrounding myself and engulfing myself in the local scene. I "tend" to hang out with only locals, not because I don't enjoy an expat conversation, but because it give me the opportunity to really know what is going on in the city/country.

Granted, I have no desire to return to the U.S. (especially now), but I do have family and friends there and of course I miss them. But, I have a family here now and a new son

So, my suggestion, go back for a visit when you miss the fam, but make it a point while you are here to get involved, try new places that you maybe haven't seen or been before, and dig in....it's worth it.

 

[syngirl]

It's very hard to integrate with Argentines, I think it's probably easier for expat men than for expat women to do so. I also think that a lot of expats that think that they've integrated because of a relationship would be shocked to find that when that relationship ends *poof* there would go all of their argentine integration.

Being homesick is really tough to combat. but I do agree with the poster that said a visit home can clear up some feelings -- unfortunately I would not recommend a visit over the holidays, as that fills your head with even more confusion -- since friends and family are off work at that time you get the false impression that you'd see each other more often than you probably would. You forget that even at home people have their own thing going on.

I know that whenever a friend of mine leaves here, that brigs on feelings of homesickness, but I also know that I can't make decisions to leave or stay based on what friends are doing.

Don't worry too much about the homesickness, it tends to come in waves. If you can arrange a trip home sometime in the future it will give you something to look forward to, and in the meantime try to dive into life here. When you go home it will give you a chance to look at things from the other side of the coin and decide if it is time to move on from BA.

Sometimes too, you just have to take the bull by the horns, get out of your slump, get out of your shell, force yourself to do something new and make the best of your current situation until you can figure out how to change it. And maybe in doing so you might realise that hey, you kind of like your current situation. But if you don't, it doesn't matter, there is nothing wrong at all with deciding that this is not where you want to be.

 

[BKK to BA]

It's very hard to integrate with Argentines, I think it's probably easier for expat men than for expat women to do so.

Ummmm...In case you havent noticed,95% of the Argie females walk around with this look on their faces like they just stepped in dogsh**.Doesnt exactly give men the idea they have any interest in talking to you.
At least the Argie men make it quite obvious to the females whats on their minds.

 

[diplomacy]

Ummmm...In case you havent noticed,95% of the Argie females walk around with this look on their faces like they just stepped in dogsh**.Doesnt exactly give men the idea they have any interest in talking to you.
At least the Argie men make it quite obvious to the females whats on their minds.

You're not really saying you can read people's minds are you? I didn't think that was possible. Actually, one of my rules to live by is to not assume you know what someone is thinking. This new bit of information has thrown that whole theory out the window.

 

[BKK to BA]

You're not really saying you can read people's minds are you? I didn't think that was possible. Actually, one of my rules to live by is to not assume you know what someone is thinking. This new bit of information has thrown that whole theory out the window.

Where did I say I could read minds?!?

 

[SaraSara]

Like what? What are those things that foreigners aren't aware of?

Since you asked, here are some of the things we get from our support network of relatives and friends:

-- Free lodging in different parts of the country, where our friends' relatives or our relatives' friends welcome and host us,
-- Knowing someone who knows someone who has pull in whatever Govt. department is giving us trouble,
-- Interest-free loans,
-- Loaner cars and vacation homes
-- Saying "I'm Julio's sister", and being bumped to the front of the line, .
-- Friends coming to visit when we are sick, without fear of catching whatever bug we have
-- No need for grief counselors - friends and family do the comforting whenever a loved one dies (even when it is a pet dog).
-- An endless supply of free babysitters, dog-sitters, and house sitters, whenever we need them
-- Never having to take a cab to Ezeiza
-- Having a relative or a close friend in the right profession ready to lend a hand or offer advice, be it in construction, medicine, real estate, banking, law, or agriculture
-- Price discounts through relatives and friends.
-- Getting referrals we can absolutely trust from friends and relatives
-- Never being alone, unless we choose to.

... the list just goes on.

 

[allcraz]

citygirl, I've been here over 3 years, but I cannot imagine still being here if I were on my own. Last month I married an Argentine and we plan on staying here. Here, we believe we have a better life together than in the States. I agree with what many people have said about email, Skype, Facebook, etc. being an integral part of my ties with home. Someone also said that everytime they go back home they remember again why they left. That happens to me more often than not. I don't go home and think, "I wish I could be back here." As for you, I'd say to go with your gut feeling. It always knows best. Or at least go back and spend a few months...see what happens.

 

[jp]

Facebook, skype and regular trips home make things a lot easier.

But still, its tough. Life goes on without you, and the longer you are away, the less you remain part of it.

 

[ssr]

Since you asked, here are some of the things we get from our support network of relatives and friends:

-- Free lodging in different parts of the country, where our friends' relatives or our relatives' friends welcome and host us,
-- Knowing someone who knows someone who has pull in whatever Govt. department is giving us trouble,
-- Interest-free loans,
-- Loaner cars and vacation homes
-- Saying "I'm Julio's sister", and being bumped to the front of the line, .
-- Friends coming to visit when we are sick, without fear of catching whatever bug we have
-- No need for grief counselors - friends and family do the comforting whenever a loved one dies (even when it is a pet dog).
-- An endless supply of free babysitters, dog-sitters, and house sitters, whenever we need them
-- Never having to take a cab to Ezeiza
-- Having a relative or a close friend in the right profession ready to lend a hand or offer advice, be it in construction, medicine, real estate, banking, law, or agriculture
-- Price discounts through relatives and friends.
-- Getting referrals we can absolutely trust from friends and relatives
-- Never being alone, unless we choose to.

... the list just goes on.

Well, of course these kinds of things are great, but they are also true of any people from any place. Having a network of family and friends who you can call on for some help (and who will call on you, as well) is certainly useful. But what are things specific to Argentina that you think foreigners might be missing out on?

I really don't understand anyone's need to try too hard to "assimilate" or "integrate" or whatever. If you plan on staying a while you should do a few basic things, like learn some Spanish, but there's no need to go bending over backwards to be someone you're not. People who try too hard to "go native" anywhere often look pretty foolish trying. And if the locals tend to be limited, close-minded people fearful of strangers, leave them be. Life is way too short to suffer fools gladly. If you happen to meet some cool Argentines and become friends, great. If not, it's fine. There are loads of other people from other places to hang out with in Argentina.

 

[rca]

Travelers get homesick. Ex-Pats don't get 'Homesick', this is our home. We feel a diaspora for the place we were raised, but home is in our heart. May what you're feeling is a late stage of culture shock , where you're really frustrated with having lived so long in the place you have settled.