Need help for an english translation (hard one!)

[steveinbsas]

"she wait sat tranced, becalmed in the stillness as one only otherwise is in the midst of speed."

I think the above is an awkward choice of words trying to say something along the lines of the below:

She waited, sat entranced, becalmed by the stillness the way one is seemingly immobilized when surrounded by speed.

Here's what I would do with it without introducing new words (hoping to preserve the authors original meaning):
.
She sat, waiting, calmed by the stillness as one is only otherwise entranced in the midst of speed.

(Perhaps the author is alluding to highway hypnosis...but something else may have been lost in translation.)

 

[mini]

Wouldn't it be
"She waited (or waits), sat entraced, becalmed...

Sat = seated

Tranced is not a word. But depending on what the context is I don't necessarily see a problem with the rest of the sentence. I mean, it's not great. But the author could be saying that she is helplessly overwhelmed by the world speeding around her.

 

[HowardinBA]

Wouldn't it be
"She waited (or waits), sat entraced, becalmed...

Sat = seated

Tranced is not a word. But depending on what the context is I don't necessarily see a problem with the rest of the sentence. I mean, it's not great. But the author could be saying that she is helplessly overwhelmed by the world speeding around her.

no mini?
http://www.thefreedictionary.com/tranced

 

[steveinbsas]

Wouldn't it be
"She waited (or waits), sat entraced, becalmed...

Sat = seated

Tranced is not a word. But depending on what the context is I don't necessarily see a problem with the rest of the sentence. I mean, it's not great. But the author could be saying that she is helplessly overwhelmed by the world speeding around her.

"She sat..." is certainly acceptable:

"When the flush of a new-born sun fell first on Eden's green and gold,
Our father Adam sat under the Tree and scratched with a stick in the mould;
And the first rude sketch that the world had seen was joy to his mighty heart,
Till the Devil whispered behind the leaves, "It's pretty, but is it Art?"

from Rudyard Kipling's The Conundrum of the Workshops (italics mine).

 

[mini]

no mini?
http://www.thefreedictionary.com/tranced

I guess I meant it's not the right word. I would assume it's an adjective and tranced is not the adjective. Entranced is the adjective. Thanks.

ETA: Actually, now that I think about it. I'm not even sure what this person is trying to say. So who knows if it's the right word or not...

 

[mini]

"She sat..." is certainly acceptable:

"When the flush of a new-born sun fell first on Eden's green and gold,
Our father Adam sat under the Tree and scratched with a stick in the mould;
And the first rude sketch that the world had seen was joy to his mighty heart,
Till the Devil whispered behind the leaves, "It's pretty, but is it Art?"

from Rudyard Kipling's The Conundrum of the Workshops (italics mine).

Sure. But assuming this is literature and not some technical or academic writing we don't need to keep repeating "she". She waited, she sat, she was becalmed.

Who used the word becalmed?

What is this you are translating anyway, FJ?

 

[French jurist]

Thanks to all, that's appreciated!
Yes it was kind of a weird literary text.

I translated this as
Elle attendit assise, comme happée par l’ivresse des profondeurs, encalminée dans cet océan d’immobilité où tout un chacun serait entraîné tel dans l’œil d’un cyclone.

 

[YohoYoho]

Hey French Jurist,
Much credit, I think the translation sounds better than the original.

 

[steveinbsas]

Here's what www.freetranslation.com did with FJ's French translation (back to English):

She awaited seated, as caught by the drunkenness of the depths, becalmed in this immobility ocean where all an each would be induced such in the eye of a cyclone.

Even with the obvious (computer generated) errors, I think it's much better than the original English!

I don't read French, but I think something quite good was added (rather than lost) in his translation.

 

[Lucas]

It is funny how things change depending which translator you decide to use.

"She waited sitting as caught up in the rapture of the deep, becalmed in an ocean of stillness where everyone would be trained as in the eye of a hurricane."