The Mile High Curtain Of Shame

[senorsuitcase]

3 flights in a single night is enough to leave even the most Bransonian of travellers a touch jaded. But what really gets under my skin is not the 2 hour airplane transfer at 5am or being packed in so tight you keep knocking your headphones off with your knees, for neither of these irritations can match the ultimate humiliation of....The Curtain Of Shame.

You all know it. The plane makes its initial climb and the captain sounds one of his mysterious 'bongs' releasing the pack of high-heeled teeth from their jumpseats. One of them starts to abseil towards you, smiling like an expectant shark in a seal sanctuary. She stops a few rows in front of your face, leans over the seat-tops and starts to adjust something. What is this curious bit of material she is unfurling across the cabin? Is a puppet show imminent? Is Paul Daniels on board? But before you can say "complimentary peanuts" you have been segregated. The haves and the have-nots, the celebrities and the civilians, the nose-cone know-it-alls and the tail-end Charlies.

What is the point of this Berlin Wall of canvas? What purpose does this overt display of segregation serve? I would genuinely like to know. But in the meantime, and in the absence of any rational explanation, I offer the following 3 theories:

Theory 1: Protecting The World's Economy

Business class people are incredibly important. They are both "businessy" and extremely "classy". What if one of them was to casually glance over their shoulder and accidentally caught sight of a regular civilian behind? They might recoil in shock, swallow a Blackberry, and in the ensuing confusion absent-mindedly short all the stock of a major financial institution. The Curtain saves the world from economic meltdown. Respect The Curtain.

Theory 2: The Green-Eyed Monster

The Curtain is for our protection. Just imagine if we were to glimpse, just for a second, the better class of life taking place behind the canvas gates - the silver cutlery, the $6 bottle of wine, the one stewardess who actually cares. It would surely be too much to bear and we would be forced to wrench open the emergency exit and end it all. The Curtain protects our Economy-class eyes from this. God Bless The Curtain.

Theory 3: Mile High jinx

If your name's not down, you're not coming in. There is an enormous party taking place behind The Curtain and, quite simply, you're not invited. The cabin staff are all naked, the flip-down screens are beaming a live feed from the Sunset Strip, and the captain has got his guitar and harmonica out. There may not be a bouncer on guard but there doesn't need to be. Just try to part the curtain and you'll get a fully laden food trolley in the unmentionables.

That's all I've got for now. Any alternative theories or actual aeronautical intelligence would be very welcome. Also - apologies for lack of regular updates recently, we're currently restructuring Senor Suitcase's media department.

Doors to manual and cross-check. I've always wanted to say that.

Señor Suitcase
www.senorsuitcase.com
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[sergio]

The class system dies hard.

 

[tangobob]

Be gateful, if those stupid people had not paid three times as much for their seats, we commoners would not be able to afford to fly.

 

[gouchobob]

Be gateful, if those stupid people had not paid three times as much for their seats, we commoners would not be able to afford to fly.

Exactly, if you knew how much extra it costs to fly business class you would say what of dummies they must be. As somebody that was once in this industry the people in business class fall into three categories:

1. Someone treating themselves by using frequent flier miles to get an upgrade.

2. Someone flying on business and somebody else is paying for it.

3. Airline employee who don't pay anything anyway.

Very very few people are willing to pay the substantial extra fare to fly business class, which on international flights can be thousands of dollars extra.

 

[Celia]

If you get to sit right behind the curtain in bulk, it means you lucked out and got pretty much the same seat as business class for a third of the cost, so personally I like to see the curtain in front of me...

 

[PhilipDT]

Yeah this doesn't even come close to making the "things that bother me" list.

 

[marksoc]

Ah, the pleasures of tweaking my schedule to fit in flights with known over-booking problems. The prize? One or two night free stays in five star hotels, or a nice seat in first class, with my economy ticket. Play the game, it is fun.

 

[TomAtAlki]

How do you know which are "flights with known over-booking problems"?

 

[Greg2231]

How do you know which are "flights with known over-booking problems"?

You could use expertflyer to look at the available seats, also certain days traditionally have higher loads then others. in my last ten flights or so to BA I have been bumped once flew out the next day in Business class, also got a hotel and $400 voucher, also got an Op-Up on one flight from coach to Business because coach was oversold, but those are supposed to be done by status.

Also if you get top tier status with some airlines you can earn Upgrade certificate which allow you to upgrade 1 class of service, Continental 100K mile flyers got 4 last year which are good on any revenue coach fare UA 1K's(100K miles) got six but they aren't good on the lowest coach fares. AA Executive Platinum (100K Miles) flyers got 8? which are good on almost all coach revenue fares.

But if you learn how to work the system it isn't that hard to earn miles and use them to fly First or Business class for basically free, Continetal right now has "Mileathon " promo going that if you work it right you can earn about 140,000 to 150,000 miles with spending $1,000 or so, but you will also get other things with that $1,000 spend thatyou can use, Like hotel rooms, or Flowers, or even Barbecue Sauce. I will probably end up spending about $400 more then I would have without this Promo to get all those miles, not to bad a deal.

Coincidently right now I am sitting in the Thai Airways Royal First lounge in Bangkok, I just got back from a hour long massage in the Spa, which was complimentary, about to have a little to eat, and a drink, then a nap in a Slumber room before flying to Tokyo overnight, where I will spend the day then flying United also in first to San Francisco, after I spend a few more days thereI will United Economy Plus onward to BA, and return to LAX in early May on Continental, in Business First.
All this cost me 72,500 miles for the BKK to SFO part in First plus about $45 in taxes, and then $509.50 for the SFO-EZE-LAX + 1 of my Continental System Wide Upgrade certificates to upgrade the EZE-LAX part, that I earned last year, I will also earn about 33,000 miles from the SFO-EZE-LAX trip for future use.