senorsuitcase
Registered
- Joined
- Aug 11, 2010
- Messages
- 58
- Likes
- 34
We’ve been in Argentina for nearly four months. This is probably a reasonable point at which to take stock and say something profound about all the cultural differences we’ve uncovered. But I can’t think of anything right now. So instead here’s a list of unprofound things about the stuff we encounter in everyday life, the things that are as they are and no-one really knows why, least of all us permanently bemused aliens.
Pavements
You know that crazy paving stuff that everyone went wild for in the 80s? Imagine a 3D version of that. You’re not walking on the pavement, you’re walking in it. And if you’re Argentinian and female, you’re doing it in a pair of wooden platform sandals.
Consonants
Where are they? Is there a warehouse full of them somewhere, rows of skips piled high with stolen ‘S’s, guarded by gringo-hating Carol Vorderman-a-like language terrorists? Because there sure as hell aren’t any on the streets of Buenos Aires. We’ll offer a handsome reward for their return.
Happy Hour
Two for one. One as in one person. No sharing, says the guy who until 30 seconds ago was your friendly bartender. In fact, don’t even look at his drink. Just shut up and drink both of yours, before 8pm.
Toilet Paper Baskets
You know you’re not supposed to put the paper in the toilet. Printed notices in four different languages tell you to throw it into the little plastic basket at your feet. That’s why you throw it – ARGH, again, right down the loo. Silent apology to the toilet gods, quick flush, vow to remember next time.
Cake
Fill it with dulce de leche, case it in pastry, top it with coconut and serve it…for breakfast. Wake up three days later with your face in a cold cup of coffee.
Tiny bikinis
Just like any other bikini, after a January diet. Recent research (bravely conducted by the male half of Señor Suitcase) has shown that Argentinian briefs reveal at least 40% more buttock than the average bikini. And instantly my British bikini feels like a 1950s bathing suit.
Monedas
If daily life in Buenos Aires is defined by one thing, it’s the relentless and universal quest for small change. Without it, you can’t get onto the bus or wash your bed sheets. It’s a battle that requires strategy, skill and an unfaltering ‘no tengo cambio’ poker face. That guy in the kiosco? He can hear loose pesos jangling from two blocks away.
Locked doors
Porteños are security conscious. Well, some more than others. Which means it’s a lottery as to whether the door of the restaurant/shop/office will be locked or unlocked. We’ve become used to rattling doorhandles and pushing against locked doors with affected nonchalance/embarrassed urgency. But being locked in buildings is surely taking it too far…
Jamon y queso
Dough, ham and cheese are the holy trinity in Argentina. You’ll find them wrapped, sandwiched, toasted, grilled, baked, put around a steak and disguised as Arctic Roll. In fact, if you don’t like ham and cheese, there are plenty of other countries in the world which will gladly accommodate you.
Hola! Que tal?
Help. Am I supposed to answer? Or answer and ask him how he is? Or, perhaps he’d just like me to mumble something incomprehensible into my own shoes as I continue walking? Because that’s what usually happens.
Milk in a Bag
The prequel to ‘Milk All Over the Inside of Your Fridge’.
----------------
Señor Suitcase
More posts at http://www.senorsuitcase.com
www.twitter.com/senorsuitcase
Pavements
You know that crazy paving stuff that everyone went wild for in the 80s? Imagine a 3D version of that. You’re not walking on the pavement, you’re walking in it. And if you’re Argentinian and female, you’re doing it in a pair of wooden platform sandals.
Consonants
Where are they? Is there a warehouse full of them somewhere, rows of skips piled high with stolen ‘S’s, guarded by gringo-hating Carol Vorderman-a-like language terrorists? Because there sure as hell aren’t any on the streets of Buenos Aires. We’ll offer a handsome reward for their return.
Happy Hour
Two for one. One as in one person. No sharing, says the guy who until 30 seconds ago was your friendly bartender. In fact, don’t even look at his drink. Just shut up and drink both of yours, before 8pm.
Toilet Paper Baskets
You know you’re not supposed to put the paper in the toilet. Printed notices in four different languages tell you to throw it into the little plastic basket at your feet. That’s why you throw it – ARGH, again, right down the loo. Silent apology to the toilet gods, quick flush, vow to remember next time.
Cake
Fill it with dulce de leche, case it in pastry, top it with coconut and serve it…for breakfast. Wake up three days later with your face in a cold cup of coffee.
Tiny bikinis
Just like any other bikini, after a January diet. Recent research (bravely conducted by the male half of Señor Suitcase) has shown that Argentinian briefs reveal at least 40% more buttock than the average bikini. And instantly my British bikini feels like a 1950s bathing suit.
Monedas
If daily life in Buenos Aires is defined by one thing, it’s the relentless and universal quest for small change. Without it, you can’t get onto the bus or wash your bed sheets. It’s a battle that requires strategy, skill and an unfaltering ‘no tengo cambio’ poker face. That guy in the kiosco? He can hear loose pesos jangling from two blocks away.
Locked doors
Porteños are security conscious. Well, some more than others. Which means it’s a lottery as to whether the door of the restaurant/shop/office will be locked or unlocked. We’ve become used to rattling doorhandles and pushing against locked doors with affected nonchalance/embarrassed urgency. But being locked in buildings is surely taking it too far…
Jamon y queso
Dough, ham and cheese are the holy trinity in Argentina. You’ll find them wrapped, sandwiched, toasted, grilled, baked, put around a steak and disguised as Arctic Roll. In fact, if you don’t like ham and cheese, there are plenty of other countries in the world which will gladly accommodate you.
Hola! Que tal?
Help. Am I supposed to answer? Or answer and ask him how he is? Or, perhaps he’d just like me to mumble something incomprehensible into my own shoes as I continue walking? Because that’s what usually happens.
Milk in a Bag
The prequel to ‘Milk All Over the Inside of Your Fridge’.
----------------
Señor Suitcase
More posts at http://www.senorsuitcase.com
www.twitter.com/senorsuitcase
