Making A Bad Situation Right

[GMXam]

Recently, I responded to a post where I felt another forum member put a new forum member on the spot to answer questions that were off-topic and overly personal. For that, I should have sent that forum member a private message or opened a new topic, but instead I hijacked the topic and made it all about what he/she said. This is my attempt at making that situation right.

Opening up your views/thoughts/beliefs to criticism is hard, takes a lot of courage and confidence that you can articulate them and responses to your post well enough. That for me is reason enough to have an increased sense of respect for those who post to a public forum.

I am against the concept of self-censorship, which is what I believe political correctness has become. My issue with the off-topic comment and several other off-topic comments where there could be a really good discourse is with their delivery. You can take it or leave it, obviously, but this is my usual process:


- is it relevant to the current topic?
- no, start another topic, send a private message, or save it for in person discussion (I prefer face-to-face anyway)

- is it too personal?
- my choice but I just don't like to put my stuff out there, and therefore I don't put anyone else in the spotlight to do it
- if it is too personal, I would open up another topic (like this one) to get the discourse going...I'm not putting anyone on the spot, I'm not singling anyone out, and I'm allowing anyone else to make it personal for them if they really want to

- am I being respectful of the other person's thoughts/beliefs/etc?
- I had good parents, what can I say. I know how hard it is to get to the point of putting your thoughts/beliefs and the effort that goes into responding on a forum, so I make damn sure I respect them. I do my best to make sure I don't include judgements of that person in my response and explain it if it's unclear.


To summarize, I was/am not trying to impose political correctness. Everyone on the forum seems to benefit in some way or another with receiving or providing a lot of information they would otherwise have to learn the hard way. A little respect for each other goes a long way. Thanks for posting!

 

[Matt84]

I am very sorry for that post, both because of the wording of it (I re read it) and because it gave ample room to derail an introductory thread.
Sorry.

 

[GMXam]

I wanted to respond to your last post but decided to bring that discussion here instead. If you're apology was directed at me, no worries on my end. I assumed it was directed at the OP.

I am very sorry for that post, both because of the wording of it (I re read it) and because it gave ample room to derail an introductory thread.
Sorry.

 

[Ceviche]

Gm Xam looks pissed

**shudder**

 

[GMXam]

Oh, now I did it, drama calls

Gm Xam looks pissed

**shudder**

 

[gpop]

Recently, I responded to a post where I felt another forum member put a new forum member on the spot to answer questions that were off-topic and overly personal. For that, I should have sent that forum member a private message or opened a new topic, but instead I hijacked the topic and made it all about what he/she said. This is my attempt at making that situation right.

Opening up your views/thoughts/beliefs to criticism is hard, takes a lot of courage and confidence that you can articulate them and responses to your post well enough. That for me is reason enough to have an increased sense of respect for those who post to a public forum.

I am against the concept of self-censorship, which is what I believe political correctness has become. My issue with the off-topic comment and several other off-topic comments where there could be a really good discourse is with their delivery. You can take it or leave it, obviously, but this is my usual process:


- is it relevant to the current topic?
- no, start another topic, send a private message, or save it for in person discussion (I prefer face-to-face anyway)

- is it too personal?
- my choice but I just don't like to put my stuff out there, and therefore I don't put anyone else in the spotlight to do it
- if it is too personal, I would open up another topic (like this one) to get the discourse going...I'm not putting anyone on the spot, I'm not singling anyone out, and I'm allowing anyone else to make it personal for them if they really want to

- am I being respectful of the other person's thoughts/beliefs/etc?
- I had good parents, what can I say. I know how hard it is to get to the point of putting your thoughts/beliefs and the effort that goes into responding on a forum, so I make damn sure I respect them. I do my best to make sure I don't include judgements of that person in my response and explain it if it's unclear.


To summarize, I was/am not trying to impose political correctness. Everyone on the forum seems to benefit in some way or another with receiving or providing a lot of information they would otherwise have to learn the hard way. A little respect for each other goes a long way. Thanks for posting!

Getting off-topic... sure, your're absolutely right about that (and there is no short supply of that in here) , but I don't know that the sudden lynching was warranted either. That reminded me of that episode of Seinfeld when Kramer didn't want to wear the ribbon at the AIDS walk... the popular concept of rights and freedoms has become a club where opposing ideas and utterances gets you labelled pretty quick- the whole "if your not with us you're against us".
Freedom involves a lot of ugliness that comes as part of the package and those unpopular opinions have just as much rights to be expressed as the popular ones. Taste and tact is another matter altogether.

 

[nicoenarg]

People have a funny idea of "tolerance" these days. Everyone's ready to just riot and go ape-crap crazy because someone, somewhere said something or breathed in a way that presumably hurt someone's feelings. "We'll tolerate you as long as you fit our worldview, any deviation from it and we'll make sure you learn your lesson". Intolerance towards those who hold opposing views is the very definition of bigotry.

 

[GMXam]

I agree...about a sudden public lynching. But that's not what this post was for. I didn't want to continue to derail Steven's post yet wanted to explain why I responded the way I did to a later post which seemed to have sounded as if I was attempting to enforce political correctness. This is just the way I chose to handle it. Whether it helps or it doesn't, I put it out there to explain. If it was interpreted that way, certainly that was not my intention. It probably would have been best handled with a private message. So, yes, I do agree with you that there was a better way of handling that offline and that situations like this can cause unintended consequences of social censorship.

One could say freedom of exp<b></b>ression should be limitless, even if it does creep into another's private life and it's up to any other individual to handle their way based on interpretation and respond freely with a counter or supportive exp<b></b>ression. My post could be interpreted as challenging another's ideas or actions.

My explanation of how I handle posting was to give an alternative to what I interpreted as a disrespect of another forum member where they were put directly on the spot to answer for their personal life choices where were off-topic. I don't run this forum, nor do I moderate for it, but I value it. Since I value it and the people that post, I think it's necessary to point this type of behavior out and give the other person the option to either stand by it or change their behavior. Whether they or anyone else decide to respond to my post is up to them.

Attending coffee chats has been really informative over the past year and a half. You hear a lot from the people who post as well as the people who don't and people who've left the forum altogether. One of the most popular reasons given to why they don't post is due to the lack of respect for other forum members. My initial response is to say "It's a forum. People don't have the immediate feedback from a face-to-face conversation. I try not to take anything personally." This time, I chose to respond to a display of that behavior in the original post.

About staying on topic, if a topic is truly of interest to spark a discussion and happens to be totally unrelated to the original post, it would make more sense to bring it into a topic of its own with a title that can be relevant and easily found by others who want to either read or be a part of the discussion. I'm not new to forums and realize this is typical behavior in any forum. People get excited about topics and since part of their response is related to the original post or maybe it's a segue to another thought or maybe they are just trolling, they add it to the post. These are just ideas to put out there. Some care, some don't. But because it was important enough for me to post, I posted.

By the way, I'm all for opposing opinions/views/beliefs. I'm respectful to anyone of differing opinions/views/beliefs to mine. My intent was to challenge his action (putting someone in the direct line of questioning about their personal life on a forum where it was not the original topic), not his person, which I feel was an act of respect while also expressing my views which were counter to his (bearing children is not the eventual next step to all who marry). If it helps, awesome. If it doesn't, I can't say I didn't try.

Getting off-topic... sure, your're absolutely right about that (and there is no short supply of that in here) , but I don't know that the sudden lynching was warranted either. That reminded me of that episode of Seinfeld when Kramer didn't want to wear the ribbon at the AIDS walk... the popular concept of rights and freedoms has become a club where opposing ideas and utterances gets you labelled pretty quick- the whole "if your not with us you're against us".
Freedom involves a lot of ugliness that comes as part of the package and those unpopular opinions have just as much rights to be expressed as the popular ones. Taste and tact is another matter altogether.

 

[GMXam]

You totally missed my points. From my response to gpop: "[background=rgb(252, 252, 252)]By the way, I'm all for opposing opinions/views/beliefs. I'm respectful to anyone of differing opinions/views/beliefs to mine. My intent was not to challenge his action (putting someone in the direct line of questioning about their personal life on a forum where it was not the original topic), not his person, which I feel was an act of respect while also expressing my views which were counter to his (bearing children is not the eventual next step to all who marry). If it helps, awesome. If it doesn't, I can't say I didn't try. "[/background]

I never mentioned my views on the rest of the questions or statements in Matt84's post. You are assuming that my worldview is different from his and that must be the reason for my response. Could your post also be interpreted as intolerance? Intolerance of speaking out?

People have a funny idea of "tolerance" these days. Everyone's ready to just riot and go ape-crap crazy because someone, somewhere said something or breathed in a way that presumably hurt someone's feelings. "We'll tolerate you as long as you fit our worldview, any deviation from it and we'll make sure you learn your lesson". Intolerance towards those who hold opposing views is the very definition of bigotry.

 

[nicoenarg]

Could your post also be interpreted as intolerance? Intolerance of speaking out?

Sure. Don't expect me to get all worked up about it though. If anyone doesn't like my posts, they can avail themselves of the ignore feature, my sensitive little heart will survive. This is, as you have mentioned already, a forum after all, not a kindergarten. Besides, my post was a follow up to gpop's, didn't quote you or addressed you at all.

Hopefully you can work out whatever it is that's got you agitated. Have a good weekend.