Relationships

[rickulivi]

Many of the women that participates in the site seem married to Argentines. How do you find the relationship to an argentinean different to a relationship to an american?
I was raised in Argentina many decades ago. At that time, I personally found argentine girls to be sensitive and nice but sexually repressed. In my early 20s I lived in California and found american women to be comfortable with sex, yet I found it difficult to develop relatioships with them--they seemed too independent and much into themselves; not submissive in a non-sexual way, if I may say. I have now lived over 30 years in the wonderful USA and have lots of american women friends that I respect and enjoy, but I don't see myself married to any of them. They seeem too much into themselves, and not too caring. By the way, I have been married to a wonderful bolivian woman for 35 years.
I have raised three terrific daugthers, and I have always cautioned them against marrying an argentine or Latin american. I always encouraged them to marry american men. I have told them that usa boys treat their women with more respect--no machismo--and help around the house and with the children.
Anyhow, I would certainly enjoy reading about what you find different in dating and/or being married to an argentinian vs. an american. By the way, my father was argentinean but my mother was american.

 

[danc]

Interesting post. I was born in the USA, but in my 20's and early 30's lived outside the States for 10 years. This provided me an opportunity to travel to many many countries and develop relationships with people all over the planet. While I enjoyed some good relationships with USA women, I too never found one I wanted to marry ( and I dated alot). Sorry girls, but like rickululivi I found most of you just too into yourselves. I know that is an unfair sweeping generalization and fantastic women exist everywhere, but in the pool of USA women I dated I simply found them too into themselves. Fun to be with temporarily, but as a long term partner forget it. I ended up marriring a wonderful argentine woman and have found the perfectly balanced woman.
While sucessful in helping equalizing pay and rights for women the USA feminism movement unfortunately destroyed (for many women) the ability for women to be women. I will encourage my boy to marry outside a women outside the USA.

 

[Cath]

Wow. I am really shocked by this thread. I'd be very curious as to what you mean by "into themselves." Examples please? Because the first thing that came to mind was "Not interested in spending the entirety of her time fawning over you?" I too am not a big fan of sweeping generalizations, but I can safely say that both inside and outside of the US I have rarely met women as "into themselves" as most men I know. I am not man bashing, I think a certain amount of self interest is a good thing, but why the double standard? I have been dating a wonderful man for the past five years who is both "into himself" and very into me, and he wouldn't expect my behavior and attitudes to be any different from his in this respect. I'm sorry, this is a hostile response, but I found both of these posts quite offensive. And I value equal rights quite highly, and wouldn't exchange them for being anyone's idea of a "perfectly balanced woman" : ).

I would also like to contest the idea, often appearing on this website, that "feminist" is the opposite of "feminine." I consider myself a feminist, I don't plan to have children, graduated at the top of my class from an Ivy League college, will soon enroll in a Ph.D. program and eventually, with good luck, become an academic. I also adore cooking, most nights spending far too much time trying to think up something special my boyfriend will like. I enjoy shopping, homemaking, and I keep my hair way longer than I like it because my boyfriend wants it that way. I like to talk about feelings but also get really excited by interesting new ideas. The goal of the feminist movement, in the words of my boyfriend : ), is not to encourage women to be "un-feminine" but rather to allow women the freedom to define what is "feminine" for themselves. I am confused as to why both these gentlemen posters appear to know so much about what being a "woman" and “feminine” means.

 

[steveinbsas]

The goal of the feminist movement, in the words of my boyfriend : ), is not to encourage women to be "un-feminine" but rather to allow women the freedom to define what is "feminine" for themselves. I am confused as to why both these gentlemen posters appear to know so much about what being a "woman" and “feminine” means.

Women can define what is feminine for themselves all they want, but that doesn't mean a man will find it so. Perhaps men "know so much about what being a "woman" and “feminine” means simply because we are in a position to think outside the box.

 

[adman227]

I live in America, the midwest to be exact, and i can tell you, I think there's a reason why relationships don't seem to work in America. I can't say it's because of the woman, but something is definetly not working. I would love to meet an intelligent, independent spanish woman I'm looking forward to my first trip in '09 to BA. I only hear great things about it from so many people.

 

[steveinbsas]

I live in America, the midwest to be exact, and i can tell you, I think there's a reason why relationships don't seem to work in america. I can't say it's because of the woman, but something is definetly not working. I would love to meet an intelligent, independent spanish woman

By chance did you mean "latin" woman? I used to live in Chicago. There are plenty of them there.

 

[rickulivi]

Cath;
My earlier post on relationships asked "about what you find different in dating and/or being married to an argentinian vs. an american." It really was not about bashing anyone, just trying to find the differences. By the way, your self description will certainly make your partner a very happy one. Who would not want a woman like you?

 

[Cath]

Thanks Rickulivi , you've flattered me into submission. I'm still curious about what you mean my "into themselves." Could you give an example? Perhaps there was a superficial culture in California at the time you lived there?

But I think you hit on something. I think matches between women from more traditional cultures (traditional in terms of gender roles) and men from non-traditional (less "machismo") cultures tend to make far more successful matches than the reverse. Women from first-world, liberalized cultures matched with men from more traditional cultures are usually not such a great match (say if your daughters were to marry someone from LA). However, I'm not sure that the men from specifically Buenos Aires are all that traditional in their ideas of gender roles. However, I'm happy to be corrected.

 

[Stanexpat]

But I think you hit on something. I think matches between women from more traditional cultures (traditional in terms of gender roles) and men from non-traditional (less "machismo") cultures tend to make far more successful matches than the reverse.

I think you are exactly right and I had noticed the same thing myself. I am married to a Peruvian woman. I have seen several cases of successful matches between American or European men with Latin ladies. I have never seen a successful one in the reverse, although I'm sure there are exceptions. All of these relationships that I am aware of didn't last or ended in divorce.

 

[rickulivi]

Cath:
I have been married for 35 years (to the same gal), so it's been a VERY long time since I have dated; therefore I am not capable of commenting about the differences between dating an american vs. an argentinean. My curiosity about this topic led to make the post. That said, I will comment what I perceive about american woman today; "it's more about them" means to me that they are less willing to sacrifice themselves for their partner's sake; they are less willing to please the partner for the joy of pleasing. Also, they seem to have a different concept of family life--and let me stress DIFFERENT--which does mean bad. For example, most of my friends here in So. Calif have fantastic kitchens, yet they never cook! If the husband wants to eat, let him prepare his dinner . . . and so on.
On another topic, and there may not be differences here, but nevertheless I hear from my american male friends that if their wifes are not in the mood, there is no sex. What happened to thinking about the other one? Maybe argentine women are the same; at least, when I was a kid they were, in my experience, pretty reppressed in that area so that would not make them very giving . . . but I found them giving in other ways . . . like in trying to please you. Rick, if you want to do this, OK, we'll do it--whether it was going here or there.
Anyhow, I should not be posting comments on the issue of differences between dating and/or being married to an argentine vs. an american because I have been out of the dating game for at least 35 years, so I am kind of a dinosaur. I really wanted to learn from the experiences of others.