The Dark Side Of The Expat Life

[nyer4ever]

http://rendezvous.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/03/21/the-dark-side-of-the-expat-life/

The comments are really insightful in this piece. This is the 3rd country I've lived in outside of the US and I definitely agree that those people that are "running away" from a trauma in their home country or are so nostalgic that they try to make their "adopted" country into their home country, will not enjoy living abroad wherever they move to.

Like Woody Allen, I'm nostalgic for a NYC that doesn't exist anymore. I'll cherish my memories from my childhood and stories from my parents, but I'm not getting caught up in the trap of "this wouldn't happen back 'home'."

I'm not an expat, I'm an immigrant and trying to "grow where I'm planted."

Hope this brings clarity to some of you.

 

[Mano Negra]

Yes, I too consider myself an immigrant rather than an expat. There is absolutely nothing I miss about England (especially the miserable weather). I have more friends and a more varied and cultural social life than I have ever had. I live far more modestly now but don't feel I lack for anything as the things I really value are generally cheap or free here. I have zero intention of going "home" unless they deport me for some reason. Then again, I have felt this way about Buenos Aires (not necessarily Argentina) since the first time I landed 17 years ago and have returned nearly every year. When I finally made the permanent move 4 years ago I had no idea what I was going to do or whether I would be able to make a living here. I just decided it would be better to make a go of it in a place that I love, surrounded by people I have always got on with. Perhaps I was actually born a porteño, trapped in an Englishman's body? Certainly I have never felt anything but at home here.

 

[Thuraya]

This really resonates with me. I think especially being a younger expat, choosing to create a life here (rather than someone who moves to retire or for an adventure later in life) the move is associated with a lingering sense of loss -- not just of friends, family, and your comfort zone, but also loss of the other life you could have had, staying at home. There are always doubts about if it was (will be) worth it.

 

[ajoknoblauch]

Yes, I too consider myself an immigrant rather than an expat. There is absolutely nothing I miss about England (especially the miserable weather). I have more friends and a more varied and cultural social life than I have ever had. I live far more modestly now but don't feel I lack for anything as the things I really value are generally cheap or free here. I have zero intention of going "home" unless they deport me for some reason. Then again, I have felt this way about Buenos Aires (not necessarily Argentina) since the first time I landed 17 years ago and have returned nearly every year. When I finally made the permanent move 4 years ago I had no idea what I was going to do or whether I would be able to make a living here. I just decided it would be better to make a go of it in a place that I love, surrounded by people I have always got on with. Perhaps I was actually born a porteño, trapped in an Englishman's body? Certainly I have never felt anything but at home here.

You realize, of course, that an Argentine is an "Italian who speaks Spanish, wishes he were English, and behaves as if he were French" (there are many versions of this aphorism).

 

[Yogur griego]

Yes, I too consider myself an immigrant rather than an expat. There is absolutely nothing I miss about England (especially the miserable weather). I have more friends and a more varied and cultural social life than I have ever had. I live far more modestly now but don't feel I lack for anything as the things I really value are generally cheap or free here. I have zero intention of going "home" unless they deport me for some reason. Then again, I have felt this way about Buenos Aires (not necessarily Argentina) since the first time I landed 17 years ago and have returned nearly every year. When I finally made the permanent move 4 years ago I had no idea what I was going to do or whether I would be able to make a living here. I just decided it would be better to make a go of it in a place that I love, surrounded by people I have always got on with. Perhaps I was actually born a porteño, trapped in an Englishman's body? Certainly I have never felt anything but at home here.

Great post

 

[JamJam]

Wow, the comments really sheds some light on life in the USA

 

[EricLovesBA]

This thread opens a sort of bitter-sweet feeling of nostalgia. Sometimes it seems everything has changed so much that the old me is someone else - like remembering a movie or a dream of a former life. I love the message - to let go and really be at home here.


"Open up your heart Let the light shine in
Don't you understand? I already have a plan
I'm waiting for my real life to begin"
- COLIN HAY - WAITING FOR MY REAL LIFE TO BEGIN

 

[citygirl]

I'm not an expat, I'm an immigrant and trying to "grow where I'm planted."

And yet you chose a user name self-identifying you as someone from the US.

Argentina is where I live, it's where I probably will stay but I don't consider myself "Argentine". I am from the US and I always will be. Yes, I'm fully integrated into the culture but I do think there is a distance there. I'm not sure I would describe myself as an immigrant here. Maybe b/c in this day/age, it's more common to go back/forth (ie, it's not a one way ticket).

 

[nyer4ever]

And yet you chose a user name self-identifying you as someone from the US.

I don't know of any other city in the world that is as "adopted" as New York City. People claim to be NYers after only living there 1 year, or say they're from NY when they've only lived there a few years. Please someone enlighten me if there are other cities that people are as quick to adopt.

My dad was a police officer in the south bronx during the 70's and 80's at the same time my mother worked for the convention and visitors bureau ... not exactly the safest and cleanest time in NY history. I've been raised to love NY no matter what! However when people get issued tickets for jumping/playing in puddles or when artists get thrown in jail for selling pillows on the street, I do begin to question this "love" I have for NY.

My grandparents immigrated to the US, I'm not sure if they loved it, but they made it work. I traveled to Buenos Aires with the intention to just pass through and met my husband and we're expecting a baby. Of course I get frustrated with things here, the waiting in line, the price fluctuations, the fact that there's TWO Ikea's in the Dominican Republic and not one here!

However, I'm sucking it up and making it work for ME ... of course it won't work for everyone.

Citygirl I'm not sure if you were able to read the comments in the article, but a common thread in the comments seems to be that when identifying yourself as an "expat" you will always feel in limbo.

I'm tired of the nomadic border jumping and want to put down some roots ... and for others that have this need identifying yourself as an immigrant may do the trick.

 

[ajoknoblauch]

I have family in the province, as my wife is Argentine, but I'm a part-timer. We own an apartment near the Botánico, and I enjoy being in Buenos Aires up to a certain point - after about 90 days, bronca starts to take over.