The Dark Side Of The Expat Life

[Crema Americana]

Greatest cultural dislocation I had last time I went to the US was trying to find a place to eat at 10pm on a weekday. Americans eat too early!

The more rigid you are, the harder time you will have in a new country. I find the fact that I can leave whenever I want to be comforting during difficult times. Sometimes when expats here post they are leaving, I feel like I'm being left on a sinking ship - knowing I can jump whenever I want as well helps to deal with a lot of the little stresses. I'm here because I choose to be and nothing needs to be permanent. No matter where you're from or where you go, they'll always be things you miss from home. It's not just nostalgia - things are different. Some things are better and some worse and it's how to react to those differences (and your tolerance) that determines whether it's going to work out or not. If you need a lot of things that are difficult to find here to be happy, you'll have a tough time of it.

From the article:

Studying and living abroad has been a fantastic journey spanning 12 years and three continents.​

But … expat life has a dark side: getting stuck in limbo, neither here nor there. I’ve watched as peers back home have married, had children, bought houses, advanced in their careers. Meanwhile, most of us here in Seoul find ourselves living Peter Pan-like existences. I’m entering middle age with nothing tangible to show for it.​

Except wonderful, rich memories, sure. But the future looms.​

So should I go home pre-emptively and try to build a life there? But therein lies the expat’s problem: there’s nothing back home for me now. Home is not “back home”; home is Seoul. My life is here.​

I find this to be true especially here in Argentina. I sometimes think of moving to the US (especially if we have children) and then I think about how difficult that would be. Having to find new jobs, finding a place to live, adjusting to life there (no small feat for my husband given the language barrier and cultural differences) - and it seems rather scary. We'd be starting from practically zero - almost like immigrants in my own country. Saving here is not easy and it's just a different way of life. While my younger brother has a 401k and a stable well-paying job with all the comforts of living in the US, here we barely save and live more day to day. We don't live badly by any means, in a lot of ways we have more freedom than he does, but it's not the same type of structured life.

That said, obviously if immigrants can do it, why can't we? It'd be another adjustment and not without its challenges, but if you've managed to live here (or anywhere) and made the adjustments necessary, moving back should be a similar experience.

 

[citygirl]

.... I'm going on three years total living outside the U.S. and it's a strange feeling indeed. "Cultural dislocation" is a great way to describe it. Does it ever change? ...

DontMindMe - For me at least, it did change. Not so much that I became more porteña or less american but my sense of identity became more involved with people, not place. Well, and before, with my job. So with family/work as anchors, the where started to become less and less important. So yes, I still notice the differences here or notice them there but my self-identity isn't really tied to trying to be a part of here or there. I am who I am with my family,with my friends, with my job when I was working so the dislocations ceased or at least my noticing them/being bothered by them ceased to matter as much.

Good luck with your time in Colombia! Where are you? I hear great things about Kali. I spent some fabulous time in Cartagena although it was of the vacation sort so not reality but nonetheless enjoyable Bogota I didn't have warm and fuzzy feelings for but I was only there for a week or so and perhaps missed the best things. And ooh..such good fruits and food options you have there!

 

[JamJam]

On the other hand living in BA has made me really value England a lot more.

On the whole people are more friendly
There are much more job opportunities
People are genrally more mature due to them leaving home younger
Less people living off mummy and daddies money.
Its a more open society and getting a job is less about who you know.

But of course there are plenty of bad things about the UK

It much more commercial than Argentina
Weather is pants
etc

 

[DontMindMe]

That makes sense, citygirl. I think when I first moved to Buenos Aires I was very enamored of the idea of tying my identity to a place. Now that I have a better idea of who I am, it's not necessary. It really is about people, not places. I think with time I will grow more accustomed to the idea of home not equalling a geographic location. Thanks for your response.

I'm still in Madrid, then BA, then onward to Bogotá. I didn't fall in love with Bogotá the first time I went, it grew on me the second, and after the third trip I like it more as I get to know it better. Even though it's huge, there's no subte, the traffic is horrendous, the pollution sucks, you can't really walk around at night, at all...It's not a city that charms right off the bat. But I like the people, the mountains, the food options are good (I need my avocados and mangos), I have much better work options than in Buenos Aires or Madrid, the airport is great and it's a closer/cheaper flight to my parents, and most important, my love is there. He left Argentina about six months after I did. His stint was longer than mine (five years), but we love having that experience in common. It's where we met, after all. He's open to leaving Colombia again one day, having done it before. Who knows where we'll end up. But for now, for a while--maybe a long while!--it's Bogotá. I'm excited.

P.S. Congrats on the twins. So exciting!

 

[Ceviche]

No boundaries, no specific countries for me. I do not believe in word "my nation" , "expat", "immigrant" etc.

The whole world is my playground.