French jurist
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http://www.guardian.co.uk/uk/gallery/2013/jan/29/immigration-britain-ministers-gallery#/?picture=403154778&index=7
What Would The World Be Without The British Humor?
- Thread starter French jurist
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Yogur griego
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I saw a couple of them a few days ago, the best of these images pretty much summarize why your humour is simply the best.
Yogur griego
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We hate ourselves. And we probably hate you too.
I came across a priceless example of British farce recently.
The leaders of Papua New Guinea in 2005 created for themselves, with permission of their sovereign HRH, a copy of the UK's royal honours system, and awarded themselves its titles. Hence we have the Grand Companions of the Order of Logohu (GCL). The chief poobar in this spectacle of self-importance is Michael Somare, a member of HRH's Privy Council. Here's is a snippet from the article. Bill Clinton was also made a GC of the Order of Logohu. Our tax stirling, euros, aussie and us dollars have been hard at work to bring us this.
"In March 2005 Somare was required by security officers at Brisbane Airport, Australia, to remove his shoes during a routine departure security check and took strong exception to what he considered a mighty personal and national humiliation verging on blasphemy, leading to a diplomatic contretemps and a significant cooling of relations between Australia and Papua New Guinea. A protest march in Port Moresby saw hundreds march on the Australian High Commission demanding an apology and compensation.[sup][6][/sup] However the Australian Government ignored the matter. Somare now avoids Australia and obtains medical treatment, when necessary, in Malaysia. Since Kevin Rudd came to power in Australia, relations have improved, because Somare believes that Rudd understands the Papua New Guineans better than his predecessors and is therefore easier to talk to.[sup][7][/sup]"
It's not all fun. The illegal logging of PNG rain-forests is mentioned in the article.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Michael_Somare#Honours
The leaders of Papua New Guinea in 2005 created for themselves, with permission of their sovereign HRH, a copy of the UK's royal honours system, and awarded themselves its titles. Hence we have the Grand Companions of the Order of Logohu (GCL). The chief poobar in this spectacle of self-importance is Michael Somare, a member of HRH's Privy Council. Here's is a snippet from the article. Bill Clinton was also made a GC of the Order of Logohu. Our tax stirling, euros, aussie and us dollars have been hard at work to bring us this.
"In March 2005 Somare was required by security officers at Brisbane Airport, Australia, to remove his shoes during a routine departure security check and took strong exception to what he considered a mighty personal and national humiliation verging on blasphemy, leading to a diplomatic contretemps and a significant cooling of relations between Australia and Papua New Guinea. A protest march in Port Moresby saw hundreds march on the Australian High Commission demanding an apology and compensation.[sup][6][/sup] However the Australian Government ignored the matter. Somare now avoids Australia and obtains medical treatment, when necessary, in Malaysia. Since Kevin Rudd came to power in Australia, relations have improved, because Somare believes that Rudd understands the Papua New Guineans better than his predecessors and is therefore easier to talk to.[sup][7][/sup]"
It's not all fun. The illegal logging of PNG rain-forests is mentioned in the article.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Michael_Somare#Honours
splaying
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what would we be like without british humor is what you ask
well i would say a better place ...(with the small exception of Benny Hill) your words and american words
are different and aussie too are different
why do you feel you are so special... Britain is a wonderful country. I have lived there in County Surrey too. but
why whould the Brits feel they are a special people beats the hell out of me.. In some enclaves in Florida where
I live the population of them is high as we are near Orlando but we need to give the place to the people of the area
where we all live.. in this case it is Buenos Aires and Argentine peoples..
In America they wish to rule in the Orlando
area.. I ask why? it is not there home.. they come because we offer great weather.. great places to eat; cheap clothes
to buy.. but do you think they thank us for allowing them to come across the pond... hell no.. they figure it is their god
given right to do so.. however you need to think how many wars they lost in the USA too.. we are just being nice
to allow their presence.. yet they do not look at it in the same light...
my thoughts on the subject caustic or not
well i would say a better place ...(with the small exception of Benny Hill) your words and american words
are different and aussie too are different
why do you feel you are so special... Britain is a wonderful country. I have lived there in County Surrey too. but
why whould the Brits feel they are a special people beats the hell out of me.. In some enclaves in Florida where
I live the population of them is high as we are near Orlando but we need to give the place to the people of the area
where we all live.. in this case it is Buenos Aires and Argentine peoples..
In America they wish to rule in the Orlando
area.. I ask why? it is not there home.. they come because we offer great weather.. great places to eat; cheap clothes
to buy.. but do you think they thank us for allowing them to come across the pond... hell no.. they figure it is their god
given right to do so.. however you need to think how many wars they lost in the USA too.. we are just being nice
to allow their presence.. yet they do not look at it in the same light...
my thoughts on the subject caustic or not
glasgowjohn
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british humour ,
you cant beat it !!
A MESSAGE FROM THE QUEEN
To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II
In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. (You should look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English Dictio
nary.)
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except North Dakota, which she does not fancy).
Your new Prime Minister, David Cameron, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections.
Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.
To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
-----------------------
1. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour,' 'favour,' 'labour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced by the suffix '-ise.' Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary').
------------------------
2. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as ''like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as U.S. English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter 'u'' and the elimination of '-ize.'
-------------------
3. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.
-----------------
4. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you're not ready to shoot grouse.
----------------------
5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.
----------------------
6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.
--------------------
7. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.
-------------------
8. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.
-------------------
9. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. South African beer is also acceptable, as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth - see what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.
---------------------
10. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialect in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.
---------------------
11. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).
---------------------
12. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out of their deliveries.
--------------------
13.. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.
-----------------
14. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).
---------------
15. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.
God Save the Queen!
you cant beat it !!
A MESSAGE FROM THE QUEEN
To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II
In light of your failure in recent years to nominate competent candidates for President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. (You should look up 'revocation' in the Oxford English Dictio
nary.)
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except North Dakota, which she does not fancy).
Your new Prime Minister, David Cameron, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections.
Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.
To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
-----------------------
1. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'colour,' 'favour,' 'labour' and 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters, and the suffix '-ize' will be replaced by the suffix '-ise.' Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up 'vocabulary').
------------------------
2. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as ''like' and 'you know' is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as U.S. English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter 'u'' and the elimination of '-ize.'
-------------------
3. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.
-----------------
4. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can't sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you're not ready to shoot grouse.
----------------------
5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.
----------------------
6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.
--------------------
7. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon. Get used to it.
-------------------
8. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.
-------------------
9. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. South African beer is also acceptable, as they are pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth - see what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.
---------------------
10. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialect in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears removed with a cheese grater.
---------------------
11. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).
---------------------
12. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the South Africans first to take the sting out of their deliveries.
--------------------
13.. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad.
-----------------
14. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).
---------------
15. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 p.m. with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.
God Save the Queen!
pauper
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You're saying Benny Hill is British humour's only saving grace??
That's like making a beeline for the Argentine stand at the World Pizza Expo.
Dublin2BuenosAires
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I like the British humour, we're all friends now you see after Elizabeth came over and said sorry for all the fuss.
I'm trying to work out of you're parodying Jerry Seinfeld's Florida dwelling father or not. I guess you didn't buy your round of slightly too warm beer over there in the hedge fund belt of Surrey and fell out of favour with the rest of the bankers, footballers and ex-pat financiers !
Cheer up chum !
ps...that's right, favour and humour...with added u's !
French jurist
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High is good, better than low anyway
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mzJmTCYmo9g
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mzJmTCYmo9g
