Cheating-Affairs How Common Is It In Ba?

Hi Renzi,

Thanks for sharing that. It's a great point you remind us of ... and I agree with you as well. Cheating does seem to be a process. A transition. And the people who engage in it find justification in their actions if they want to be conscious of it, or they are in complete denial if they try to bury below the line of their conscious thoughts. Whenever I encounter a cheater, I find a liar. That is the common denominator in my opinion. People who think nothing of lying are capable of a lot of hurt / damage.
 
Renzi said:
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The biggest problem with cheaters is that they often don't describe their behavior as "cheating," or they define it so narrowly that it excludes anything except for full penetrative sex, for example.

I once had an unhappily married co-worker repeatedly invite me for a drink after work, but I never took her up on it. That's how it always starts, but it's funny how many people never see it, or don't want to. Cheating is more than individual acts, it's a process.
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Would you go and have a drink with her if she is smoking hot ? I would. Having a drink and talking about her problems is harmless and you are helping someone.
If she is cranky, unpleasant and having makeup falling off her face, then .. it's a different story. Temptation is everywhere, that makes this world interesting. If an attractive woman is undressing in front of a man, not many men can resist. Just ask Clinton. It does not make you a bad man, only makes you a man, that's how god created man.
 
Living in a foreign country and trying to know the city and people better, suddenly an attractive lady asks you to have drink on a pleasant afternoon, it's delightful to sit under the jacaranda tree outside La Biela, having a conversation over a fresh coffee, whether the conversation inspiring or not, it's not bad. Whether you choose to move your engagement to a telo after coffee, it's a different matter ;)
 
garryl said:
Would you go and have a drink with her if she is smoking hot ? I would. Having a drink and talking about her problems is harmless and you are helping someone.
If she is cranky, unpleasant and having makeup falling off her face, then .. it's a different story. Temptation is everywhere, that makes this world interesting. If an attractive woman is undressing in front of a man, not many men can resist. Just ask Clinton. It does not make you a bad man, only makes you a man, that's how god created man.
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Humans are not machines, we are flawed, non of us are perfect (ME INCLUDED!) but the better of us seem to have less flaws.

If my opposite number wanted to have a drink etc ... regardless of attraction level, my answer would depend upon:

Am I in a relationship or separated, but still legally married? >>> MY ANSWER is NO!

Is my opposite number in a relationship or separated, but still legally married? >>> MY ANSWER is NO!

WE BOTH NEED TO BE SINGLE, UN-ATTACHED and FREE from another / commitment ... for me to accept that invitation!

To me, a drink with a person who has a partner of some type, or capacity (PARTICULARLY if they are in the midst of relationship problems!) is cracking the door open for a problem the majority of the time. The odds for a problem are so high, I just wouldn't do it. It's not fair to me, them or the other people we may be involved with.

President Clinton, is a text book example of a weak person. And it is highly distressing because of the position he held at the time of his behavior. Democrat, Republican ... it does not matter. An elected official at that level should have a moral code of conduct that is above reproach. His conduct / behavior and the reaction / weak reprimand he received was a strong sign of how watered down good values have become.

I know this stuff has been going on since the beginning of time, but our ability to think and function on the highest level tells me we need to do better as a species. I am not bending on this one, cheating on another and lying are two very serious character flaws that are disgusting to me.

Respectfully (I know others are much more tolerant than me. So be it.)
 
EL_TIGRE_de_Tigre said:
Humans are not machines, we are flawed, non of us are perfect (ME INCLUDED!) but the better of us seem to have less flaws.

If my opposite number wanted to have a drink etc ... regardless of attraction level, my answer would depend upon:

Am I in a relationship or separated, but still legally married? >>> MY ANSWER is NO!

Is my opposite number in a relationship or separated, but still legally married? >>> MY ANSWER is NO!

WE BOTH NEED TO BE SINGLE, UN-ATTACHED and FREE from another / commitment ... for me to accept that invitation!

To me, a drink with a person who has a partner of some type, or capacity (PARTICULARLY if they are in the midst of relationship problems!) is cracking the door open for a problem the majority of the time. The odds for a problem are so high, I just wouldn't do it. It's not fair to me, them or the other people we may be involved with.

President Clinton, is a text book example of a weak person. And it is highly distressing because of the position he held at the time of his behavior. Democrat, Republican ... it does not matter. An elected official at that level should have a moral code of conduct that is above reproach. His conduct / behavior and the reaction / weak reprimand he received was a strong sign of how watered down good values have become.

I know this stuff has been going on since the beginning of time, but our ability to think and function on the highest level tells me we need to do better as a species. I am not bending on this one, cheating on another and lying are two very serious character flaws that are disgusting to me.

Respectfully (I know others are much more tolerant than me. So be it.)
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Good for you.

PS President Clinton is a weak person, but a good person in general :). His wife, I am not sure. Maybe that's why he needs to have some fresh air out of his marriage.
 
garryl said:
Good for you.

PS President Clinton is a weak person, but a good person in general :). His wife, I am not sure. Maybe that's why he needs to have some fresh air out of his marriage.
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I have never had the pleasure of meeting The former President. I only know what has been shared through the media. Based solely on what has been shared, I can be sure he is a weak person with very flawed character. He very well may be a nice person, but of him being weak, I am certain of it.
 
garryl said:
Would you go and have a drink with her if she is smoking hot ? I would. Having a drink and talking about her problems is harmless and you are helping someone.
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A woman being "smoking hot" is beside the point if she's married. Having a drink with her one on one was close enough to a "date" that it wasn't worth even opening that door, and I know this from experience. Nowadays days in the Tinder era, even having an "innocent" coffee with someone can lead to sex.

Funny story: when I was about 21 my dealer's girlfriend, who was "smoking hot" and a professional dancer, asked me out for a drink. Next thing I know, at the bar she's telling me how meeting me had made her doubt her relationship, etc., etc. It ended there, and I made sure I was never alone with her ever again. Not only was it not worth getting killed, but it also wasn't worth losing the best weed connection I'd ever had (until I went to Amsterdam).
 
EL_TIGRE_de_Tigre said:
Humans are not machines, we are flawed, non of us are perfect (ME INCLUDED!) but the better of us seem to have less flaws.

If my opposite number wanted to have a drink etc ... regardless of attraction level, my answer would depend upon:

Am I in a relationship or separated, but still legally married? >>> MY ANSWER is NO!

Is my opposite number in a relationship or separated, but still legally married? >>> MY ANSWER is NO!

WE BOTH NEED TO BE SINGLE, UN-ATTACHED and FREE from another / commitment ... for me to accept that invitation!

To me, a drink with a person who has a partner of some type, or capacity (PARTICULARLY if they are in the midst of relationship problems!) is cracking the door open for a problem the majority of the time. The odds for a problem are so high, I just wouldn't do it. It's not fair to me, them or the other people we may be involved with.

President Clinton, is a text book example of a weak person. And it is highly distressing because of the position he held at the time of his behavior. Democrat, Republican ... it does not matter. An elected official at that level should have a moral code of conduct that is above reproach. His conduct / behavior and the reaction / weak reprimand he received was a strong sign of how watered down good values have become.

I know this stuff has been going on since the beginning of time, but our ability to think and function on the highest level tells me we need to do better as a species. I am not bending on this one, cheating on another and lying are two very serious character flaws that are disgusting to me.

Respectfully (I know others are much more tolerant than me. So be it.)
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You have a very strict moral codex. It might be based on your on religious beliefs or not, but if they are right for you then that is obviously very well for you (obviously you cause no harm to anyone).

Why I find them extreme? A few loose points:

1) Let's say you meet someone who is still legally married but about to getting divorced. You are in the same situation. Who would be harmed if you started ... whatever? What has the strict legal situation to do with this? Or would you say: "Could we meet up next week again? By then I will have the papers signed and then we can jump into the sack?"
2) If you are single and you meet someone who is married or in a relationship. It is this person who might have a (moral) contract with his partner / wife / husband. You have no (moral) contract or obligation with either party. So who would you be cheating on? It is your friend who would be cheating on someone, and that's solely her or his decision. The one big exception to this is obviously if "the cheated one" is a friend or a even relative (because with them you indeed have an implicit moral contract). Probably you also don't want to do this in the work environment; not for moral reasons, just in order to avoid a lot of troubles (well, unless she is really hot ... ;)
NB: Let's say I know a friend ( ... ) who once had (when he was in his more adventurous single years) a relationship with a married woman. Her husband was cheating on her for years with some girls from his job; so she thought: "well, it is my turn now!" Would you consider this as cheating (from my "friend's" perspective, from her perspective)?

But again, I am not trying to convince you otherwise. Just curious.
 
Alpinista said:
You have a very strict moral codex. It might be based on your on religious beliefs or not, but if they are right for you then that is obviously very well for you (obviously you cause no harm to anyone).

Why I find them extreme? A few loose points:

1) Let's say you meet someone who is still legally married but about to getting divorced. You are in the same situation. Who would be harmed if you started ... whatever? What has the strict legal situation to do with this? Or would you say: "Could we meet up next week again? By then I will have the papers signed and then we can jump into the sack?"
2) If you are single and you meet someone who is married or in a relationship. It is this person who might have a (moral) contract with his partner / wife / husband. You have no (moral) contract or obligation with either party. So who would you be cheating on? It is your friend who would be cheating on someone, and that's solely her or his decision. The one big exception to this is obviously if "the cheated one" is a friend or a even relative (because with them you indeed have an implicit moral contract). Probably you also don't want to do this in the work environment; not for moral reasons, just in order to avoid a lot of troubles (well, unless she is really hot ... ;)
NB: Let's say I know a friend ( ... ) who once had (when he was in his more adventurous single years) a relationship with a married woman. Her husband was cheating on her for years with some girls from his job; so she thought: "well, it is my turn now!" Would you consider this as cheating (from my "friend's" perspective, from her perspective)?

But again, I am not trying to convince you otherwise. Just curious.
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Hi Alpinista,

I do have a strict code of moral conduct, but it has nothing to do with religion or God. It has to do with what is right and what is wrong. ( This is all black and white to me, there is no gray area.) And to a larger degree, treating others how I would wish to be treated. Every one deserves the utmost courtesy and respect. And thank you for recognizing that I am causing no one harm behaving as I do - we agree.

Reply to #1 & #2 ... All in one shot! >>> Take sport for example ... I have seen countless times when a game / match or playoff series looked hopelessly lost only to see an incredible reversal of fortune for the other team who was almost out of it. They came back and won against long odds. The long shot comeback was accomplished because the previously losing team ground it out fo the WHOLE length of the game. There was no quit in them. The work ethic was exemplary. They kept on chipping away ... got a break here, some luck there and did a lot of good as well.

Using my example of sport, that relationship that is just about over, has on occasion been saved. Someone in the relationship tried a little harder, gave a little more and did some good as well. And in the process, never gave up. They tried until there was still some time to try and the other party recognized it, way swayed by it and accepted the olive branch to try again.

My point? I should not step in the way of two people when there is still a chance. As slim and unprovable as that chance may be, sometimes it is just enough. I like a happy ending.

Additionally, anyone who is in that failing relationship, unwilling to go to the wire and is ready to begin with the next person before they are finished with the previous person is a very bad person to get involved with at any juncture. This is there method of conduct and behavior. If they did it to the first person, they very well may do it to me. And I don't want that.

Finally, if you are male, taking up with a female who is not through with her current partner ... Who wants to risk having a jealous, hit first ask questions never (NOT LATER!) partner looking to separate your head from your shoulders? And on other occasions, the woman knows what she has in the jealous partner. She may be using the other/ third person as a pawn in her game of making her partner enraged. And in the end, she flushes everyone down the toilet after she has had her enjoyment.

Al in all, (In my opinion of course.) it is wisest to be completely free to act with another person who is the same. Anyone who has any attachment to another is trouble.
 
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