Family Etiquette

[Girino]

I would like to double check a few things with you because I am getting pissed of at them, but maybe it is just a cultural thing.

1) Is it okay to show up at a relative house calling 10' in advance (Hey, el tío y yo are coming to your house to drink mate, we're 8 blocks away) or ringing directly the relative's doorbell (I was bored at home and thought to come down to chat a little)?

2) It is okay to show up at a relative house after an important event (marriage, birth) empty-handed? No flowers, no pastries, no chocolate box, no gift nor family memorabilia to share?

3) Is it normal not to give anything to a family member getting married?
My husband's family didn't even bring facturas when they showed up uninvited to drink mate 3 days later... and they live 10 minutes away from here.
While my uncle in Italy gave us €1000 cash for the upcoming wedding, my dad paid for our relocation fees, and my friends offered to wire wedding gifts.

We didn't have a reception nor a church ceremony, despite my hubby's family repeatedly asked for the restaurant part at least (f*** off!). We didn't even had rings, although "tradition" would like the witnesses to pay for them. They didn't offer, we didn't asked.... but they weren't even accommodating to go out for lunch or dinner the day of the wedding (it would have been our treat, of course). Our witnesses were my husband' sister and her boyfriend.

Is this the famous cultural shock they talk about? Or are they jerk?

 

[nikad]

1- yes
2- no
3- so-so

 

[nikad]

Clarification:

1- you can say, we were about to go out, or we have a birthday party , whatever and it would be fine and you get rid of them
2- usually when you show up unannounced you bring something along with you to share.
3- if the ceremony was too informal, or no formal party, etc, some people think there is no need to make a gift. Ie you only make a gift if you are formally invited via card and or you are very close to the couple - parent, best friend, etc.

 

[Davidglen77]

Here are my answers:
[background=rgb(252, 252, 252)]1) Is it okay to show up at a relative house calling 10' in advance[/background]
[background=rgb(252, 252, 252)]I[/background][background=rgb(252, 252, 252)] don't know about all families, but the whole calling in advance / planning in general is much less common here. I've had unexpected guests many times, and I don't have family here, just good friends.[/background]

[background=rgb(252, 252, 252)]2) It is okay to show up at a relative house after an important event (marriage, birth) empty-handed? No flowers, no pastries, no chocolate box, no gift nor family memorabilia to share?[/background]
[background=rgb(252, 252, 252)]I would never do that myself, and it's never been done to me. However, get used to having much lower expectations as many people here simply don't have enough of a budget or disposable income to by lavish gifs. I've seen people give picture frames, handicrafts, or a simple bottle of wine as a gift. [/background]

[background=rgb(252, 252, 252)]3) Is it normal not to give anything to a family member getting married?[/background]
[background=rgb(252, 252, 252)]My husband's family didn't even bring facturas when they showed up uninvited to drink mate 3 days later... and they live 10 minutes away from here.[/background]
[background=rgb(252, 252, 252)]While my uncle in Italy gave us €1000 cash for the upcoming wedding, my dad paid for our relocation fees, and my friends offered to wire wedding gift.[/background]
[background=rgb(252, 252, 252)]Like I said in the previous answer, I've never seen a situation of NO gift, but I've been to several weddings and there were many gifts like sheet sets, small appliances, a wall clock, set of placemats. Not high end items, but its what people could afford and the bride and groom were thankful nonetheless.[/background]

 

[jantango]

When you married him, you got his family with the deal. Accept them as they are.

 

[PhilipDT]

When you married him, you got his family with the deal. Accept them as they are.

or don't. You married your husband, not his whole family. You have to put up with them, you don't have to like them.

Relax and take your anger out on your pizza dough; i'm pretty sure you're not kneading it enough.

 

[mex]

When you married him, you got his family with the deal. Accept them as they are.

Bullshit.
Sorry, but she married him and not the family.
Respect and cultural parts are no One Way!
If sth disturbs you, just be honest and tell them. I understand that pretty well btw.
If you let them handle it like that and you just let it go, you will explode sooner or later.

 

[mc kenna]

Wait until they start giving you advise and opinions on matters that are very private hahaah ooooh you are gonna love it!!!!! like .... y para cuando los bambinos??? do yourself a favor and start drinking heavily now!!!!

 

[thorsten]

But given you are married, why don't you talk about it with your husband?

 

[mex]

Wait until they start giving you advise and opinions on matters that are very private hahaah ooooh you are gonna love it!!!!! like .... y para cuando los bambinos??? do yourself a favor and start drinking heavily now!!!!

exatly THAT will happen!! They always think, they have the rights to do that. Controlling all, like a god. Dont let that happen. A SHIT, they have to say