forced friendships

Jennie

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I have lived abroad before, and I have experienced the sort of forced friendships that expats seem to have. you move to another country, and sure you want to meet locals and blend with the culture. but, at the same time, it is still important to have expat friends. you need people who can relate to you, understand your sense of humor, who read the same books, watch the same movies, etc.

The problem is, though, when you are in another country, you can't be so choosy. so even when you do meet other expats, you might not have that much in common (as in, you might as well just be hanging out with a local anyway), but you stick together anyway, because, well, who else are you going to hang out with? you have to force a connection where there would otherwise be none at all. this is what I really hate about the expat "scene" in all countries. why spend all of your time hanging out with people that you wouldn't give 5 seconds to back at home?

I have been here for just over 1 month now, and I am finding it really hard to meet people that I like talking to. the reason might be, that even at home I rarely meet people that I would consider to have that good friend potential. This also might have something to do with the fact that even though I am a girl, I am not your typical girl. I usually find that I don't have too much in common with other girls that I meet. I love it when I meet a girl that I can get a long with really well, but this doesn't happen to me very often, and almost all of my best friends at home are boys (who I don't sleep with, and no I'm not a lesbian). I'm not into shopping, painting my nails, "girls nights," dancing, going out with the intent to find boys to sleep with, etc. (maybe this is a cultural thing, but these seem to be most of the things that girls from the states are into).

Things that I do like include (but are not limited to) good conversation, coffee and cigarettes, drinking good beer or wine, reading books, watching pretentious indie films, and people with bizarre and sometimes offensive sense of humors, and more than likely, other things that I can't think of at the moment. So, if you are an expat here, you hate the idea of forced friendships, and you think that we might have something in common, send me an email (jenniehoefling23@yahoo.com). girl, guy, whatever. I just would for once like to meet someone in this city that I don't have to say to my friends back home "he/she is pretty cool, but I probably wouldn't hang out with them at home". sorry if this post makes me sound like some kind elitist snob or anything like that, it's not my intention. But I am absolutely positive that you all MUST have some idea what I am talking about...
 

RWS

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Jennie, a month's too short a time, perhaps, but in this city of a dozen million souls you certainly can find many people with whom you share much in common. Just try mixing with the populace (not visitors only) at places like bookstores or theaters.
 

Iftikhar

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BA is great place for a friendship that last an evening....or one night stand....to start with and then end up with long term relationship-----------there is a love deficit here...depends what you want and mold it accordingly..
 

nikad

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How long are you gonna be in BsAs? How old are you? Lol you sounds pretty much like me ( except for the fact that I don´t smoke anymore ) I am not an expat though I married one. I used to be into the goth and underground scene a lot, I am in my early 30´s:)
 

Jennie

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i'm not sure how long i will be here. one year? I'm 25, 26 next month. i'm not so much into the goth thing...but i don't like too many bright colors...so maybe that counts?
 

Jennie

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well "greatone," sorry that i don't pick my friends based on superficiality. it's who i is. love it or leave it. obviously, in your case, leave it. i'm fine with that.
like i said, my intention was not to offend anyone, just to be completely honest.
 
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