gays for language exchange

[fer]

Hola!!!
I'm looking for gay guys to do language exchange and make friends in English and French. I have a good Spanish an I want to practice these two languages!! I'm gay 24 years old!! My email adress is [email protected]!!

 

[auntieapple]

Dear fer,
its a bit sad that you made your group exclusive for gay guys. If I had put a thread and suggested a language exchange for straight guys all the gays would have been up in arms. If you are concerned about homophobics you should have put "Im gay and would like to set up a language exchange group". It would have been nice though if you had added "all gay friendly welcome"
If you really want a genuine language exchange group just say that. But if you are really looking to hook up with other gay guys thats OK but just say it!
Sexism is like racisim and if you want to beat it especially in a provincial society like Argentina dont be sexist yourself
besos

 

[rmartinbuenosaires]

Auntie-You are right actually.

 

[veggie_pab]

I would agree but, that's our opinion right? Why should we censor somehow the posting, indicating what this guy should have written instead? He should have a reason for having written his posting in that way and we don't know anything about it.I think anybody can write anything while not disturbing anybody else. It is just a preference he expressed, maybe because he finds himself having more things in common with gay guys and that would make a conversation more interesting, why thinking that he is looking for a hook up or that he is discriminating? Depending upon the point of view, it could be anything.
Maybe i am wrong and i didn't understand what you meant by your comments. If that's the case, I apologise myself. If not, we should be more open!

 

[auntieapple]

Well veggie,
you are absolutely right about censorship. I am very anti censorship and I do agree fer should be free to write what he wants. I am not suggesting that he should not. I was merely making a point about sexism.
Homosexuals have been victim to horrendous attacks in Argentina (lets not even talk about other places) but by isolating themselves or creating groups exclusive to themselves they are only making themselves more marginal and therefore subject to misunderstanding and exclusion. My husband has a couple of gay friends here in Buenos Aires that are often excluded from events and are never promtpted to bring along a friend. When I extend a dinner or party invitation I always make a point of telling these friends to "bring along a boyfriend or girlfriend".
As I said Fer's reasons could be fear of homophobia, but exclusivity creates fear.
Imagine an ad saying "Im a jewish guy and want to set up a group of jewish people to exchange language skills" or "Im a muslim guy and want to set up a group of muslims to practice spanish" or Im a white female and want to set up a group of white women to learn french". While I get pissed with the constant political correctness gone mad in the UK I do disagree with groups excluding others that want to participate on the grounds that the newcomer is "not one of them" especially as the subject matter has nothing to do with ones lifestyle preferences or political or religious stance.
If being gay is just a sexual preference how does it effect a language exchange group?
Obviously Fer would like to meet other gay men, its obvious and normal but why did he not add "all gay friendly none gays also welcome". Its obvious that he intended the group to be exclusive to gays. Well as this site is not exclusivly gay he should have been more sensitive to the none gay's here.
Why is it gays want to be truly accepted by society and treated like everyone else yet when it serves some of them they want to be exclusive. Its a bit like the immigrant and ethnic minority communities in the UK. They want us to accept them as one of us and reap all the benefits of that acceptance yet when it pleases them they want to set themselves apart. You can not have it both ways. After all we are not even talking religion/tradition in Fers case.
Maybe we should ask fer why he specified that "I'm looking for gay guys to do language exchange". Would he not have had a twinge of feeling excluded if he wanted to attend a group of language exchange and read an add saying "i'm looking for straight guys to do language exchange".
I am really interested, but genuinly not in a provocative way why Fer specified the sexual preference. Was it for fear of homophobia? is it just to meet more gay guys? is it because he believes gays are more fun?
this could become an interesting and eye opening debate if Fer explains what his genuine reasons were for the exclusive gay group ad.
lets hear it from the horses mouth!
and let us be honest here not hypocritical!
regards to all and besos

 

[auntieapple]

Why do I get the feeling that we shall not hear from Fer again?
surprise me!

 

[Kayfabe]

I imagine it's just a case of feeling comfortable and possibly also to avoid phrases like 'the gays'. Guys here are quite macho and it's assumed that you are straight so possibly Fer was just being clear from the start that he wanted to meet other people that face the same sort of issues on a day to day basis. Also I'm curious that you seem really interested in this post and keep using the word sexism but I can't see you ask the same sort of questions on the posts regarding 'looking for girlfriends' which seems to be meetings for woman only.

 

[auntieapple]

Dear kayfabe,
first of all with regards to:
"Also I'm curious that you seem really interested in this post and keep using the word sexism but I can't see you ask the same sort of questions on the posts regarding 'looking for girlfriends' which seems to be meetings for woman only".

let me make it clear, I am not some wierdo or anti gay, so what you mean by you being "curious" as to me being "really interested" i do not understand but my feelings go with the weird or suppressed personality image. Having two and not just one very much loved gay brothers, I think qualifies me for not having a problem or unusual curiosity with homosexual men. Probably because of my brothers I have little patience for the sexually repressed mentality here in Argentina. You fail to see my point in my first post.
with regard to your comment
"you keep using the word sexism but I can't see you ask the same sort of questions on the posts regarding 'looking for girlfriends' which seems to be meetings for woman only"
Sorry but that comment only highlights why there is discrimination in the world and ignorance with regards to gay men and lesbian women.
They are NOT a breed apart. There are two sexes biologically (that means without any surgical intervention)
You are either a gay man or a straight man, but you are still a MAN.
a thread where girls are looking to hang out with girlfriends has nothing to do with sexism "wanting to meet new straight girlfriends" does why? because it highlights the sexual orientation.

last point, what do you mean by
" also to avoid phrases like 'the gays'."
I do not mean to be offensive but your post and that of our dear elusive friend Fer only highlight how retro Argentina is with relation to alternative lifestyles and tolerance of those lifestyles.
My interest in a "debate" is purley interest in the Argentine mentality towards homosexuality in general. Seeing as we never get a chance to discuss it, especially as Argentines generally never do. I suggested we take advantage after Fer opened a very interesting but taboo topic.
I think rmartinbuenosaires is Gay. Do correct me Rmartin if i am wrong and I think he knows where I am coming from, thank goodness! as it seems I am frequently misunderstood on this site.
My second post is only more significant now after your response.
lesson:
"Girl who likes sleeping with men would like to meet men that like sleeping with women for language exchange group" (shit I only just thought of that great idea.............thanks Fer LOL!)
Argentina really needs to come out of the closet and the only way to do that is for the gay community here to realise that they are just part of one group .......US!

regards

 

[Kayfabe]

Hey Auntie forget about what I said I think I just woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.. I know very well how different the attitudes here are and I think I was being a little defensive. I too would be grateful for debate on this subject but I think you misunderstand me when you say "I do not mean to be offensive but your post and that of our dear elusive friend Fer only highlight how retro Argentina is " My problem was with the phrase 'the gays' which is frowned upon within some sections of the gay community as it's often used by homophobic people who like to group gay people together into one large monolithic mass.

I'd like to think I'm not retro at all in my thinking towards these situations but I
apologise again for any confusion.

 

[auntieapple]

dear kayfabe,
no need to apologise, you points were very valid and its great we can discuss like this. I also need to apologise to fer in that maybe his post was really innocent in that he did not think to invite other gay friendly members. Of course you are right that we should write what we want be it biased or not so my apologies to all on that score.
hope you got over your bad morning ;-P
its nice to meet you
regards