Homesickness. What do you do?

[hepdoll]

Thanks for your feedback so far, everyone. It has been really helpful to read what you wrote. I'm glad I'm not alone in feeling these things. But you guys really think it's worth pushing through? When you get past it, do the joys really outweigh the negatives? (Still being SO far from family and other people you love?)

I hear you, Katser, about the failure thing. That's a big concern for me, too. I wish it weren't.

Do you guys really think this is culture shock? I'm not terribly unhappy with the "functional" aspects of living here (even though I won't deny that I have frustrations) and my unhappiness isn't triggered by a bad interaction. In fact I'm usually the saddest when I'm home alone, perhaps on the computer putzing around on Facebook with the whole unstructured day stretched ahead of me and I'm feeling lonely.

 

[mobri1130]

Hey Hepdoll,

No great words of wisdom but sending you big hugs to help you through this rough spot. Muchos abrazos chicatita!!

M

 

[iStar]

Hepdoll,

You mentioned you work from home. That's tougher than people think because you really need a lot of self discipline. It's very easy to get distracted with web-surfing or just puttering about and when that happens you feel unproductive and that can lead to depression in itself. Trust me I know from experience.

Can I ask why you decided to come to BA? Was it because you wanted a change, new challenge, new job?

I honestly believe there are no accidents. Everything in life happens for a reason. We grow every day through what we experience. I mean there are some things about back home that I will NEVER complain about ever again. So many things, simple things that I took for granted.... Life lessons.

Thanks for being so honest, it helps to talk about it even if it's with people you don't know. Sometimes its easier...

 

[Mano Negra]

Hmm, I'm not normally the most sympathetic person but my girlfriend (who is somewhat younger than I), also feels "homesick". Personally, I have been coming here at Christmas for at least a month for the last ten years. Why? Because I don't like the cold, I don't like false emotion, I don't want to spend time with people I don't really like even if they are "family".

So to the important points. Life is a learning experience. Failure doesn't really come into it.....if you are not happy here there is no shame in going home, you have simply learn't what you don't like! You are not obliged to like something just because you got on a plane to visit it.

Career wise, markets are crashing (or will be) around our ears....learning Spanish (and then Chinese, go to Shanghai not Beijing which really is miserable), is an infinitely sensible choice. Where else is growth going to come from?

There are also many aspects of the argentine culture that will hold you in good stead going forward. This is not a culture built on debt, leverage or abusing a credit card. People have less spending power, and value their investments more. They also value their families more, but in my experience the families are nicer, less abrasive, allow more freedom, perhaps because they have all experienced adversity.

Prepare yourself for a nice quiet family (thank God someone else's) Christmas. Then have a big party at New Year!

In summary, there is nothing to "push through", there is no grail at the end, you can be lonely anywhere and family is normally just a patch. What you will do here is learn a little more about yourself, and such knowledge is strength.

Don't take life too seriously.

And by the way, I like BA so much I moved here permanently 3 months ago.

Miles

 

[fifilafiloche]

This is not a culture built on debt

Sometimes i wish i was blind I guess you mean that refunding the debt is not cultural, which leads to investors distrust and subsequently bankrupcy. Germany distrusts culturally debt and they do get loans to buy their houses. Argentina has no fear of debt, the more the better, that s why argentines can t borrow and the bank system is obsolete. The argentine economic recovery from 2003 has mainly been fueled by free consumption credits and you need to be blind not to see all the advertising offering to on credit. The cashier will automaticly ask you if you want to pay in 12 quotas...

Anyways, i m going off topic again

 

[syngirl]

They also value their families more, but in my experience the families are nicer, less abrasive, allow more freedom, perhaps because they have all experienced adversity.

Prepare yourself for a nice quiet family (thank God someone else's) Christmas.

Ha Ha Ha! Thanks for the good laugh Miles! You must know VERY different families than the ones I know!

Argentine families like any families around the world aen't just nice and quiet -- they also come in formats of ridiculously conservative, embarassingly abrassive, shockingly racist, confoundedly religious, and immensely hypocritical.

Christmas with my husband's tios are far from quiet, they start at about 8pm with a glass of champagne and we usually leave about 4am when the conversation inevitably turns to how much better we were under the dictatorship.... They are lovely people but -- never, ever mention to Tia Nora a desire to go to Peru or Bolivia, you'll never hear the end of it. Never tell Nora y Jorge that you just went to your best friend's gay marriage unless you want to be the one that starts a war across the table. Try not to make your aversion to religion too evident in front of Vanessa. However you can mess with her boyfriend's head because you're probably the only one at the table that's realised he's coked up beyond the moon... Think Macri's done a good job of cleaning up the city? Uh-oh -- you'll have the wrath of Cata on you telling you how much better it was in the time of the militares... Oh and if you stick around long enough and serve him drinks all night Juan will tell you all about his time spent in Mussolini's army and invite you around to see his Nazi china set next time you're out that way!

Allow more freedom? That really really depends on the family -- I know a tonne of people that live one life outside their home and another completely different one at the family table under threat of being disinherited (a ludicrous tool to wield, but when daddy bought the apartment you live in and would kick you out and leave you penniless if he knew what you were really up to on the weekends, a tool you have to pay attention to)

Argentine families are just as wacko as any other families, and there are a lot of skeletons in the closets* here, that's for sure.

*said skeletons may or may not be a lot more creepy than skeletons in your family's closet!

 

[rentaplus]

My advice is get a romantic interest and you'll be amazed at how quickly all your sadness goes away....and if this interest is a local your Spanish and cultural awareness will improve by leaps and bounsds.

 

[la vida magenta]

Hey Hepdoll (and other mopies like me),
I'm at the "magical" 3 month point too and trying my best not to be super depressed everyday....(note to self: next international move, avoid the 3 month point falling on the holidays!)

My advice to when you feel that depressed, uh-this-sucks, facebook-is-my-only-human-connection feeling is simple: LEAVE THE HOUSE. Seriously, everything gets better once I'm out and about, having a change of scenery, walking around, finding a new cafe or bookstore, whatever.

And as far as the holidays, I've actually kindof having a personal protest, just because it feels so damn weird- like someone coming up to me in mid-July and saying "Merry Christmas!" not. the. same. It's like a joke. So my solution is to go with the Argentine style, eat the yummy food, watch the fireworks, and not get too bummed my family up North is sitting by the fireplace in a winter wonderland. But the upside is, I'm planning a counter-attack: I will celebrate Christmas this year, oh yes, I will. It will just fall on July 25th when I actually want to be inside, with warm lights, baking cookies!!! I told my Argentine friends my plan, and they were super excited, and all wanted to be invited to my "American-style" Christmas! I guess i should buy all the decor now, huh?

Well, those are my two bits! We're gonna get thru this, believe me!!! Chin up!
Suerte!