Lesbian looking for other lesbians dating argentines to compare notes.

[YohoYoho]

Sometimes, I wonder if I am going crazy.
Are the cultural rules of dating really this different or is it just me?

Was wondering if others are running to complications due to "culture" or is it just me?

Note: I am seeing a therapist but she is porteña and the behaviors are "normal" according to her.

 

[steveinbsas]

Even though I am heterosexual I hope this will help:

At the age of 56 I did go to one "psychotherapy" session with my 41 year old Argentine girlfriend. She had been seeing the same therapist for ten years.

What I can say about "cultural differences" I observed during the session is that it is "acceptable" to express one's feelings with concomitant actions. If you feel like being violent its not necessarily "bad" to be violent.

According to my girlfriend, the purpose of psychotherapy here is to understand why she behaved violently.

When I realized this (while the session was still in progress) my instant response was to flee, and that's exactly what I did.

Unfortunately, a key was required to open the door to the building so I had to wait for my (soon to be ex) girlfriend and the therapist to descend seven floors and unlock the door.

Fortunately there was a bus stop in front of the building so she could return to her 80 year old parent's apartment where she also lived with her 50 year old sister.

Later, in the last message she left on my voice mail, she said that she was only violent because I was first violent with her.

I was as violent as any of the dozens of flowers I bought during our relationship. I only regret that she didn't throw flowers at me. They wouldn't have drawn blood or damaged the new floors of my temporarily rented apartment.

Sorry to say (and generalize across genders), but Argentines have a propensity to be abusive when they think they have the upper hand...especially if "the loved one" is a foreigner.

 

[Crema Americana]

I'm not a lesbian, but I think it's important in a relationship to set the boundaries early and nip any unwanted behavior in the bud as soon as possible. Be very clear over what's acceptable and what isn't.

There's a lot of good people out there, but you have to be picky, know what you're looking for, and not put up with garbage. Everyone has their own personal culture, you just have to meet someone that shares your views. No matter how hot the body, abusive or manipulative relationships aren't worth it.

 

[visitorfromSF]

hello, I cannot give you feedback but saw your post and wanted to reach out as I am a lesbian visiting from the US and wondering what the lesbian scene is like here and where to go to meet some nice women?

 

[YohoYoho]

@ Visitorfromsf I can't tell you where to meet "nice" women. But there is a lesbian scene here. After 4 years here, I have only found one worth dating. But as for meeting women and gays in general Bach bar is good or http://www.pinkpointbuenosaires.com/ has some good info mostly geared for men but some women stuff.

@steve, I feel you. I do not think it is an exclusively lesbian thing but a "cultural" thing that I can't wrap my head around. Parts of it are just me, I do understand that. However the rules are different.

@Eclair, I do believe there are a lot of good people out there. And I do think my relationship has problems but is a good one. Though I like a hot body, I am old enough to value a good conversation more. The rules here are different for both dating and relationships. I am just using my fellow expats as a sounding board for what their experiences are in mixed relationships.

 

[perry]

Psychotheraphy does not seem to have helped the Porteños as they show many traits of hysterical behaviour . I believe that the drugs prevalent in theraphy exacerbate these problems.

There is a culture of entitlement and victimhood in Buenos Aires that does not seem to be addressed . Unfortunately the psychologists play up on this and make their patients co-dependent.

Try to meet people who are calm . Go to yoga classes, join cultural groups where self development is the key. Good luck!!!

 

[rockinkaj]

Sorry to say (and generalize across genders), but Argentines have a propensity to be abusive when they think they have the upper hand...especially if "the loved one" is a foreigner.

Very True.. what is it... insecurity .. My husband for example can get really angry.. real BAD temper ... he wants to control EVERYTHING..he would never hit me or anything.. cause he knows I would be on the next plane to Canada.. but he can get a bit abusive with the mouth.. nothing vulgar but he can hurt me allot..

 

[LostinBA]

Even though I am heterosexual I hope this will help:

At the age of 56 I did go to one "psychotherapy" session with my 41 year old Argentine girlfriend. She had been seeing the same therapist for ten years.

What I can say about "cultural differences" I observed during the session is that it is "acceptable" to express one's feelings with concomitant actions. If you feel like being violent its not necessarily "bad" to be violent.

According to my girlfriend, the purpose of psychotherapy here is to understand why she behaved violently.

When I realized this (while the session was still in progress) my instant response was to flee, and that's exactly what I did.

Unfortunately, a key was required to open the door to the building so I had to wait for my (soon to be ex) girlfriend and the therapist to descend seven floors and unlock the door.

Fortunately there was a bus stop in front of the building so she could return to her 80 year old parent's apartment where she also lived with her 50 year old sister.

Later, in the last message she left on my voice mail, she said that she was only violent because I was first violent with her.

I was as violent as any of the dozens of flowers I bought during our relationship. I only regret that she didn't throw flowers at me. They wouldn't have drawn blood or damaged the new floors of my temporarily rented apartment.

Sorry to say (and generalize across genders), but Argentines have a propensity to be abusive when they think they have the upper hand...especially if "the loved one" is a foreigner.

It buys right into the general Argentine attitude to say "I can be violent with you because you were violent first" even if you never lifted a finger in anger or were mentally or verbally abusive. You're very lucky to have escaped that relationship.

 

[nolonelyplanet]

but he can get a bit abusive with the mouth.. nothing vulgar but he can hurt me allot..

im sorry to hear that but that's violence too, and you shouldnt accept it.

between 20 and 36% of the women in Argentina had been part of home violence.

just in capital federal, between 2009 and 2011 more than 10.700 women called the authorities for violence acts against em.

 

[DontMindMe]

An expat lesbian here once told me about dating porteña lesbians. She said that they are just as nuts as the straight ones are. Possessive, insanely jealous, everything you have heard before. Of course there are exceptions, or there wouldn´t be so many people happily coupled up on this forum, but those are hard to find. Dating here is rough no matter your sexual orientation! A porteño is a porteño is a porteño, no matter whom they choose to have sex with. Also, once the women hit about 26 they start to severely stress about settling down, so if you´re a guy or a lesbian reading this who has been with an Argentine girl over 25 for at least 6 months, get ready for her to bring up marriage soon. Yes, you bet I am generalizing, but you see and hear these stories so often it´s hard not to.

On a side note, OP, sorry to hear you´re seeing an Argentine therapist. They´re a joke and a waste of your time. They give no constructive advice and do not help you to create coping mechanisms. They just sit there and nod, and then say that psycho/depressive behavior is a normal expression of emotions, because there is nothing more unhealthy than keeping your emotions inside. I went to one, and gave up after one session because she told me that rather than try to solve any problems here, I should just go back to my home country because that's where my family is. I told her that I had many of the same problems even there, but she just shrugged and suggested I look for flights. This woman was in Recoleta and came highly recommended. What a waste of 200 pesos. (This was before I got health insurance). My boyfriend has been seeing and Argentine psychologist for more than a year. This supposedly great doctor one day asked him where to find flores (the "good" weed here). My boyfriend doesn't smoke, it was just a question out of the blue. I flipped shit when he told me this, because he´s really been struggling with some family stuff and this stupid doctor basically just chats with him once a week, and then one day asks him for drugs.