Rantings And Ravings.

[nlaruccia]

This behavior is manifested in different ways in different countries. Case-in-point:
Winnipeg, Canada. February, -45 Degrees Celsius. Waiting for a bus, watching your breath come out of your mouth and fall to the ground as ice crystals. First person to arrive at the bus stop to wait with you will inevitably remark "Is it cold enough for you?" with a smile and laugh, while the frozen snot in your nose is forming icicles.
People are looking for consensus even for the obvious, or someone to share the experience with. So that fact that you are even opened this topic in the forum, you are doing the same thing as the woman you are complaining about. no?


people that go into psychology do so because they themselves have deep mental issues ... my wife, the psychologist told me so .

Yep. That's exactly what I"m doing. The thread was supposed to be ironic. I'm ranting and raving about people ranting and raving. Sorry, if my humor was misinterpreted.

 

[gpop]

Yep. That's exactly what I"m doing. The thread was supposed to be ironic. I'm ranting and raving about people ranting and raving. Sorry, if my humor was misinterpreted.

Did you not see the little smiley faces ? hehehe.
Misinterpreted or not, I thought a bit of levity would ease any tension you have about the topic.

C'mon, frozen snot with icicles is funny stuff!!!!

 

[pitipur]

Outside North America, people relate to strangers in public. I prefer societies that do. Their social fabric is stronger. Had I been the OP, I would have heard the woman out once fully. I certainly would never tell a person that his problem doesn't interest me unless he were hassling me for money or represented a threat to my safety.

There are so many ways available to express empathy that take no time. Usually, people only need from you some signal - a physical gesture, a facial exp<b></b>ression, or a few words - some response to show that you recognize their predicament (or even just their presence in other situations). Anything that expresses a little warmth and understanding works. If the person still goes on after you've done that, i's fine to interrupt him squarely by saying that you must leave now, ask to finish your business with him, say goodbye with a smile and leave. Portenos do this. Here in France where we now live, the same level of care and sociability is also expected of every demographic and of every age from 7 to 90 in public whenever you happen to come into direct contact with anybody. They almost all do it. It's just normal good manners, very important and lets everyone know they belong to something larger than only themselves. Just as in BA, doing this here is grounded in the premise that nobody can be too busy as an individual to be gracious to any other if a society wants to remain one.

Definitely agree with this. I think in general there is not such a stigma about creating smalltalk with strangers, or saying hi to them, like there is in the states. BUT, the one place I have no patience for complaining, just because it's a place people LOVE to complain, is on an airplane. you are being carried through the air hundreds/thousands of miles, and it's a feat of engineering that saves us all hours/days and affords us the ability to travel, yet we all lose our s%^# if we have to wait 20 extra minutes to board the plane.

Anyway, you should have seen the reaction when I came back from Bariloche in March. our flight arrived about 30 minutes EARLIER than planned, so early in fact that the buses that were supposed to drive us from the plane to the terminal (we didnt have a gate) were not available to us yet. So in true airplane fashion, since everyone was already standing in the aisles from the moment the seatbelt sign went off, instead of taking their seats again to wait for the buses, everyone started yelling outrage at the helpless flight attendants who couldn't do anything about it. In fact there was NOTHING the LAN employees could do as they told us they sub-contract the buses from, you guessed it, aerolineas argentina, and had no control over the schedule. And then the complaining started because people were going to miss their connecting flights (keep in mind that we landed a half hour earlier than scheduled, and waited a total of 30 minutes) and it was as though took every fiber of my being not to give them all a big "SIENTENSE Y CALLENSE!!!!"

I guess when someone has really been treated unjustly, I'm ok with complaining, but this was a situation in which clearly nothing could be done about it, and was an extremely minor inconvenience, and everyone just made it 10 times worse by all standing, squashed in the aisles, taking turns yelling at the flight attendants. People need to understand that sometimes things happen that nobody can control, and that's part of life, and that "don't sweat the small stuff" really makes a big difference in the overall quality of your life.

Disclaimer: this is a global air travel behavior problem, not an argentine problem, but it fits the bill as it happened in argentina with a plane full of argentines

 

[internationalguy]

There are more psychologists here per capita than anywhere else in the world. Can't they tell it to their shrink? Take their bitterness there.

Wrong kind of psychologists.

 

[nlaruccia]

Outside North America, people relate to strangers in public. I prefer societies that do. Their social fabric is stronger. Had I been the OP, I would have heard the woman out once fully. I certainly would never tell a person that his problem doesn't interest me unless he were hassling me for money or represented a threat to my safety.

There are so many ways available to express empathy that take no time. Usually, people only need from you some signal - a physical gesture, a facial exp<b></b>ression, or a few words - some response to show that you recognize their predicament (or even just their presence in other situations). Anything that expresses a little warmth and understanding works. If the person still goes on after you've done that, i's fine to interrupt him squarely by saying that you must leave now, ask to finish your business with him, say goodbye with a smile and leave. Portenos do this. Here in France where we now live, the same level of care and sociability is also expected of every demographic and of every age from 7 to 90 in public whenever you happen to come into direct contact with anybody. They almost all do it. It's just normal good manners, very important and lets everyone know they belong to something larger than only themselves. Just as in BA, doing this here is grounded in the premise that nobody can be too busy as an individual to be gracious to any other if a society wants to remain one.

You made some good points but just because North Americans respect people's space and privacy doesn't necessarily mean that they can't relate to strangers. Here they just take it too far since boundaries don't exist. Sharing comments about how cold it is, is one thing. Another is to tell me about your bowel problems, colostamy bag or cheating husband or wife metiendo los cuernos. They don't consider that rude to me or some other innocent bystander? I tried to politely let the owner of the panadería know that she didn't need to involve me in the crisis of a customer not picking up her bag of rolls as if it were the end of the world, but she did 't get the hint and kept raving. Do any of you go to work and tell your clients or customers about your personal problems? No, because it's not profesional. My employees like to share their problems with me but that's different because we have an ongoing relationship, but I don't complain to strangers, who are my customers or to random people on the bus about my problems, like owing Afip money. Why be rude and ruin their day?

 

[nlaruccia]

Did you not see the little smiley faces ? hehehe.
Misinterpreted or not, I thought a bit of levity would ease any tension you have about the topic.

C'mon, frozen snot with icicles is funny stuff!!!!

It is funny. There's nothing like relating with a stranger about freezing or friggin hot it is.

 

[Davidglen77]

I think a lot of the fact that people complain here so much is that many of the things they complain about never get resolved. Case in point, if you have an issue with a product you buy such as an appliance in the US, the business that you purchased it from will usually take care of it with the first contact you make. It would be totally unacceptable for them to do what is done to consumers here..."call back on this day, speak to this one, come back later, the manager is not here, you can only return on Tuesdays after 4PM, we don't have the part" or just simply be ignored time after time......so people have to get out their frustrations somehow, and complaining is their outlet as they are given deaf ears over and over...."

 

[nlaruccia]

I think a lot of the fact that people complain here so much is that many of the things they complain about never get resolved. Case in point, if you have an issue with a product you buy such as an appliance in the US, the business that you purchased it from will usually take care of it with the first contact you make. It would be totally unacceptable for them to do what is done to consumers here..."call back on this day, speak to this one, come back later, the manager is not here, you can only return on Tuesdays after 4PM, we don't have the part" or just simply be ignored time after time......so people have to get out their frustrations somehow, and complaining is their outlet as they are given deaf ears over and over...."

I totally agree, but don't take it out on a perfect stranger.

 

[fifs2]

I tend to agree that I don't see this as someone trying to take anything out on you but rather someone hoping to find some empathy through a shared understanding of what should/should've happened with the lady who rudely ordered bread rolls and didn't then pick them up. As Chet mentioned strangers tend to overshare for many reasons, some because they may be elderly or lonely and are desperate to have a 2 way conversation. Others, like my mother, who has a very large circle of family and friends but who is oblivious to the discomfort she causes in others by oversharing news of her latest medical issue. I would be really upset however to hear someone tell my mother "I'm not interested". A polite smile and lots of nods and shoulder shrugs as you walk away. As a European I enjoy engaging with strangers in whatever situation. I was recently offered a job after chatting with some ladies trying on dresses recently. I appreciate the cause of your rant and whilst this isnt one of my own bugbears Im sure lots of people can relate as much as disagree.

 

[Davidglen77]

I totally agree, but don't take it out on a perfect stranger.

I agree with that....some of you know I used to own a small retail shop here, and while I loved the interactions with my customers, some of who I am still in touch with as friends nearly 3 years after having closed the shop, some of the stories, rants and raves I used to have to listen to day in and day out would be maddening....let alone some of the personal questions they would ask me like about sex, money, etc after knowing them for all of 1 hour it's was so weird for me as in New York City (believe it or not) people are much more discreet about the personal aspects of their lives when they meet people and everyone is in such a rush, complaints are short and people keep on movin'....