Takes one to know one....

[DontMindMe]

The happiest expats I know have no idea that this web site exists, and certainly wouldn't spend all day on here talking about how happy they are if they did. I was one of the ones who came here to study abroad and decided it was the greatest place on earth, and that I had to return one day. My rose-colored glasses actually came off about 6 months after moving here, when I started realizing how deeply distrustful everyone is, and started wondering if I would ever be able to make local friends. I look back at my study abroad now and realize that I fell in love with the city of Buenos Aires, not porteños.

If you are dating a local you get an automatic pass into your partner's social circle, and I am guessing that a lot of the people on here who think the locals are friendly think that because the locals they hang out with are friends and family of their partner. On the other hand, some learn the hard way that when the relationship ends, the friends go right along with it--no matter how close you'd become.

I would love to hear if any 20-something girl out there has made friends with a 20-something porteña without having the connection of a local boyfriend or relative down here. (Not an Argentine girl from provincia; we all know they are different). Not just an acquaintance with whom you play soccer on the weekends, but a friend, the kind you can call crying at 2 a.m. if something bad happens. I have found it impossible; hell, you can barely walk by a table of them out and about without them giving you a look and pulling their boyfriends closer. Striking up a conversation with one at a bar? It's just as hard for the ladies as it is for the men, guys. It's such a culture of distrust. I talked to my neighbor about his plant once as his wife was arriving home from work, whom I used to exchange pleasantries with, and now she ignores me. Oh yes, what a hussy I am, how dare I ask your husband what kind of plant he has! People have their friends from when they were in elementary school, and maybe from work, and they are just fine with that. Have you ever seen a group of porteños at a party? After the cheek kisses, they retreat and stick together like a pack, and don't mingle. If you don't go up and talk to the group, you never will, because there's no way in hell they will even think of breaking the pack to mingle.

I think maybe I could deal with a lot of the other negatives here if I thought there was a shot in hell of having local friends. This is about half of why I'm so negative, and am leaving. I don't think someone should have to trust me with their life to go out to lunch.

 

[gsi16386]

[quote name='Don'tMindMe']I think maybe I could deal with a lot of the other negatives here if I thought there was a shot in hell of having local friends. This is about half of why I'm so negative, and am leaving. I don't think someone should have to trust me with their life to go out to lunch.[/quote]

Well, that's another thing. In the States I had tons of friends, am very outgoing, active, all that...i've been here for 2 YEARS and the only friends I have are my g-friend and her group of friends. I love my girlfriend and her friends are good people, but sometimes you just want to roll with the guys, talk football, all that mess. It's nonexistant down here with me. So that combined with the rest of my reasons is why the gfriend and I are heading back to the States.

I doubt she'll encounter the same issues making friends in the US...at least that's what I hope...

 

[canut]

i grew up in these regions and while i agree tih the general level of discontent, I think it takes different skills to make life livable. a normal argentinean does not socialize for a reason, its too fraught with tension and agression to make tit worthwhile. If you come from the pub hey hows everyone doing atmosphere, youll be hitting a wall which exists because the possiblity of derision or contempt or worse is just inches away. You also tend to avoid eye contact from obscene onlookers just because theya re a dime a dozen, you look peripherally and wait till they stop, you deal with them only if they persist. Argentineans often divide themselves in snobs and populacheros; you should avoid both because each category is formed on the basis of what it detests and so stereotypes the other. As far as prices and the economy, you really have to look at how to live for free or relatively so. Other cultures may prompt people to pay their way because their systems and morals work that way. Life can be simpler if you do not take these values so seriously.

 

[Gringoboy]

Whinging whingers the Argentines?
We Brits have whinging down to a fine art, an almost Olympic level in fact.
My Arg wife is always telling me how much I complain. Must be in the genes.
I have only a handful of expat friends and the only whinging we do is about the UK.
Argentines however, have plenty to whinge about imho, but to be honest I don't hear them whinging all that much.

 

[Amargo]

Argentina, like nay other country in the World, is not for everyone. If you like a country or not depends on your tastes. Most of those complaining here in this post will surely find strange that many Argentines come back every year from the US and Europe because they didn't like life there and just didn adapt to life there.
One has to be honest to himself: if you don't like/are not able to adapt to a country just leave and don't blame the locals for your 'lack of success'.

 

[zingara]

Amargo you are so right! I have been living for more than 30 years in the US, even got US citizenship, college degree, living in various states and still missing the warmth of my argentinian family and friends. It's interesting how some of us can never get comfortable in a different culture. I really tried!!! I have friends from many countries but no real friends from the US except for my husband who is my best friend. Now I think than when I get back to Argentina I will not fit there either. C'est la vie. Maybe I will. Unos mates, unos vinitos con empanadas, esas charlas largas en las que se habla de todo. I think it would also be intersting to find out from what city exactly ea expat came from. New York city to Buenos Aires? Washington DC? Sioux Falls? There are many subcultures within the US ... My experience: from Buenos Aires to Mitchell, South Dakota and it took us 4 years to get out of that place where I hope never to go back.

 

[cruizes]

Most of those complaining here in this post will surely find strange that many Argentines come back every year from the US and Europe because they didn't like life there and just didn adapt to life there.

Or maybe their visa expired!

 

[steveinbsas]

Amargo you are so right! I have been living for more than 30 years in the US, even got US citizenship, college degree, living in various states and still missing the warmth of my argentinian family and friends. It's interesting how some of us can never get comfortable in a different culture. I really tried!!! I have friends from many countries but no real friends from the US except for my husband who is my best friend. Now I think than when I get back to Argentina I will not fit there either. C'est la vie. Maybe I will. Unos mates, unos vinitos con empanadas, esas charlas largas en las que se habla de todo. I think it would also be intersting to find out from what city exactly ea expat came from. New York city to Buenos Aires? Washington DC? Sioux Falls? There are many subcultures within the US ... My experience: from Buenos Aires to Mitchell, South Dakota and it took us 4 years to get out of that place where I hope never to go back.

If you move around as much as I have (and as are as independent) none of this matters.

Lesson: Don't leave the comfort zone of your family and friends if you can't live without them...or make new ones.

 

[captainmcd]

Zingara: "My experience: from Buenos Aires to Mitchell, South Dakota and it took us 4 years to get out of that place where I hope never to go back."

What! You were not impressed with the corn palace! It is just as impressive as the Teatro Colon! Zingara I can not immagine a move from BA to Mitchell, SD. I don't think anyone can move from one country to another and not miss things from each.

 

[eva_rgentina]

I would love to hear if any 20-something girl out there has made friends with a 20-something porteña

Going on 1.5 years... no porteñas. No twenty-somethings, anyway.