The Dark Side Of The Expat Life

I'm just not so sure that the word immigrant has a place in this day/age, given the flexible nature of being someplace. It's not like back in the day when you left your country of birth and moved to a new country, never to go back. Heck, I'm back in the US several times a year at a minimum. And I am a NYer, I will always be a NYer, no matter how long I live here. I'm not Argentine, I wasn't raised here and I just can't envision ever attempting to claim that. My children yes, will be Argentine but I will not. I don't have that cultural shorthand.

Doesn't mean I'm unhappy here, doesn't mean I am pining for the US. Do I love it here? Meh, I love my SO, I love our life together but were he to decide he wanted to leave, I wouldn't think twice about getting on a plane to go anywhere with him. My life is about people, not places. But since that's not likely to happen, especially with our business, we'll stay here and be happy and raise our kids here.

Anyway, I was just poking some gentle fun at the fact that you self-identify as an immigrant and talk about putting roots down here and yet have a user name of nyerforever, it seems a wee bit contradictory. But no snark, just some teasing ;)
 
... It's not like back in the day when you left your country of birth and moved to a new country, never to go back. Heck, I'm back in the US several times a year at a minimum...

It's really great to have that flexibility. However I suspect that if no alternative energy is developed plane travel will eventually become quite a luxury item, accessible only to the rich. I have the sense that in my lifetime that window of riding the fence will eventually close. I bet I am not the only one on this forum, even now, who does not travel back home to see family very often in part because of prohibitive ticket prices.
 
It's really great to have that flexibility. However I suspect that if no alternative energy is developed plane travel will eventually become quite a luxury item, accessible only to the rich. I have the sense that in my lifetime that window of riding the fence will eventually close. I bet I am not the only one on this forum, even now, who does not travel back home to see family very often in part because of prohibitive ticket prices.

While I'm not sure that I think plane travel will go away any point or become (more) inaccesible, it's a very valid point in re pointing out that not everyone can travel very often. So yes, my opinion is shaded and I appreciate you reminding me of that.

However, it's still a different mentality than it was 50 years ago. With the advent of the internet, it's possible to stay in almost instanteous contact with the society you grew up in, friends, family, etc. I read the NYTimes, WSJ, etc every day. Facebook keeps me fully aware. It doesn't by the way mean homesickness doesn't exist IMO - I absolutely think it does. And I at least def experience a sense of cultural dislocation around the 3 year mark here. I would go to the US and feel not quite right, not quite comfortable and then come back here and feel the same. Which is really not a fun feeling at all.
 
Huh, yet again I answered this and got a message saying it needed to be approved. WTH?

Anyway, good point on the fact that some people don't have that flexibility and you're right, if I didn't, I might have a different perspective. But even still, with the advent of the internet, we are able to have virtually real-time contact with friends/family in our country of birth and so you can't compare then/now in my opinion.

I def think you can have a sense of cultural dislocation. For me, it was esp bad around the 3 year mark. I would go back to the US and it wouldn't be quite right. I would be here and it wouldn't be quite right. Very strange feeling.

Anyway, just sharing my personal experiences.
 
i know the feeling, try to escape for a week or two somewhere wet and grey ha ha ,, then come back to sunny BA
 
I completely agree with you Citygirl, as I'm in the same type of situation as you.
I like living in Buenos Aires, mainly because of my baby that was born here from an Argentinean father, but I find myself making more friends among expat community rather than with the portenos. I speak fluently spanish, so language is not the problem, I just feel that sometimes our cultural differences is what prevents the connection to happen.
I miss family and friends, and that's why I try to travel as much as possible to Europe before my son turns 2y and air tickets start costing a lot more !
 
It is funny I have seen this topic come up at one point or another in every Expat forum I have been to .
The reality of things is that once you have done your second expat assignment ( most people do not survive the first one ) you are doomed no one explains this to you and everyone is always giving tips and counsel on the culture differences in the country you are going in to .
But no one ever says " what about when you go back " and this is a much bigger culture chock , not because the conditions in your home country have changed , or because your old friends have new interests or have changed .
But because we have changed we have been exposed to different cultures and ways of thinking , we all complaint of the country where we are assign and it seems most of the complaints are the same no matter what country you come from or which country you are in , people cheating expats , shallow girls just looking for free ride , girls that marry expats and then feel home sick when they leave , the relatives of the GF , ............. keep adding to the list .
But reality is we picked up a different view point of reality our perception is now not a third party interpretation and bad, good or indifferent reality is that there is always good and bad and that we pick up what we convince ourselves it works better .
But when we go back and sit with old friends and listen to their rants and stories or opinions we are just k nodding and smiling but most of the time we are thinking WTF
When have this people been and why was I ever part of this group , did I actually think that way ?
it is not easy to accept but at one point or another we all make this realization then we also realize home becomes the place where you are , you never try to become a local but you become more tolerant in general .
any way that is my two cents on the topic ..............................
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I def think you can have a sense of cultural dislocation. For me, it was esp bad around the 3 year mark. I would go back to the US and it wouldn't be quite right. I would be here and it wouldn't be quite right. Very strange feeling.

Love your posts as always, citygirl. I'm going on three years total living outside the U.S. and it's a strange feeling indeed. "Cultural dislocation" is a great way to describe it. Does it ever change? At first it was a bit unnerving, but I'm just going with it. I spent a little more than two years in BA (plus a previous study abroad, but I don't even count that), six months in the U.S. recovering and working that went by in an instant, left again to Spain for grad school, am coming back to BA to finish school soon and then am moving to be with my boyfriend. All of my grad school classmates are from the U.S. too, all have done either a year abroad teaching or at the least a study abroad, and yet I feel different from them in many ways. And of course, not being Spanish or Argentine, I am always different from the locals, too, no matter how much I may identify with and/or appreciate many aspects of both cultures. But my first 9-5 salaried job, my first time fully supporting myself, my first serious adult relationship, my first scary, drawn-out health crisis...All of these things happened in BA. I essentially became an adult there. It wasn't an easy place to become an adult, but Madrid has been so easy breezy as a result. It takes a LOT to stress me out or upset me nowadays. I mean, something really bad has to go down for my heart rate to elevate in the slightest. ;) I see my classmates stress and obsess and completely freak out over school, and I am so happy to have been able to leave that American perfectionist, work-obsessed cultural baggage behind. Props to my mom and dad as well for not being helicopter parents. A classmate's mom sent her four e-mails correcting a cover letter for a job application, sheesh. Another's parents constantly e-mail her, asking when grades come out. (!!!) How do they expect their now-adult children to succeed in the real world when they've never truly done anything on their own?? But I digress...

So I guess in a way I am in limbo, but I'm not sure that's necessarily a bad thing. I like the person I have become thanks to my experiences, challenging as they have been. I will surely have many future challenges. Colombia is no cakewalk, and I don't know how long we'll be there. Could be quite some time, depending on how things go. I do know that the longer I'm gone, the more distant I feel from the U.S., and in some ways that makes me sad. But honestly, even if I were still there, my life would probably not be as I have imagined it might be. For one thing, since I left just after graduating college, most of my friends have scattered to the wind, from New York City to Rio de Janeiro, following jobs and dreams. Some of my older friends are married; two are pregnant with their second babies. My point is, even if I had stayed in the same place, I doubt I would have remotely the same social circle as I did in college. I see extended family with the frequency I did before I left, around once a year on holidays. That's just the reality of U.S. life. People move, a lot. Families are sprinkled across the country, and friendships are often transitory. It is what it is, for better or for worse.

So this dark side of expat** life, yes, I suppose it exists. But I'm just fine with not knowing where I'm going to end up, for now.



**Expat, immigrant, enough with the semantics. The people who argue that they are immigrants seem to want to differentiate themselves as superior, as if they are special or unique, or that their experience is more authentic or what have you. I tend to think of an immigrant as someone who left his or her country to escape political/economic strife, persecution, violence, etc. but who cares? You're a foreigner in Buenos Aires. The fact that you have no plans to leave does not make you a special snowflake.
 
I don't know of any other city in the world that is as "adopted" as New York City. People claim to be NYers after only living there 1 year, or say they're from NY when they've only lived there a few years. Please someone enlighten me if there are other cities that people are as quick to adopt.

San Francisco
 
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