I have a hard time dating here for several reasons.
1) Independence. The men I've met have loved it in theory but not so much in actuality. I have a pretty high-stress job and my hours are crazy. I also have friends and yes, I make my own plans. So when I'm not available for last-minute dates, they get all cranky.
a) I have zero interest in cooking and cleaning for a man - or at least it being expected that the woman will do this. This seems to be pretty culturally ingrained though. Some of the men I dated wanted nothing more than to hang out at my apt, have me cook dinner for them (and do the dishes natch) and considered it a great evening. Me, not so much.
b) Money issues. I earn a decent salary and for here, it's a high salary. I don't need a man to pay my bills. I find that talking about money gets very uncomfortable very quickly. And I'm not going to apologize for my job but a lot of men get really defensive that they earn less than me. (I'm not out flaunting money around just to clarify and it's not so important to me what he earns, providing he works hard but it seems like it is a direct blow to their esteem if I earn more.)
2) Lack of meaning in the words. I really struggle with this. For example, in the US - if a man said I love you, introduced you to his family, talked about having kids with you - all these would be pretty clear signals that he was serious about you. Here - not so much. they're just words. (Del dicho al hecho, hay mucho trecho!
)
3) Drama. Dear god the drama. Again, it's a cultural thing but i just don't do screaming fights, scenes, etc. And if I do, it's because I'm REALLY angry. And I'm just not going to get over that. But here, it's as though it's accepted, even required. If you don't have fight, you don't love one another. (I've been told I was cold because I don't want to have huge fights). And when you do have a big fight, you make up and poof - it's like it never happened. But for me - if you're screaming at me or telling me terrible things, I'm going to remember them.
4) Lack of maturity. Men in their 30s here are like men in their 20s where i come from. If they're single, they're still going out to bars and boliches and a lot of them are dating women in their early 20s. I have a conocido in his 30s who still lives at home and is in no rush to move out. I can't even begin to fathom that.
5) Baggage. I swear, we all have it but the men here take it to a new level. There is almost always a kid with a baby mama, a crazy ex, therapists, etc, etc. It just seems like I spent more time listening to them talk about their problems than doing something fun.
I dated a guy here - we weren't bf/gf but hung out a lot together. We were talking about having a relationship and he said to me (and it really encapsulated my problems dating here) - "Look, I like you, I really enjoy spending time with you. But if you're my girlfriend, I'm going to call you 5x a day or you're going to be calling me asking me where I am and we'll fight all the time. I just can't handle the pressure of a relationship." And that truly is what he thought a relationship would be - fights and drama and jealousy. And that is the farthest thing from what a relationship is for me. However, after all that, he didn't want me to date anyone else - just expected me to stay and wait for him...
Is that to say all men are like that or think that? No, of course not. But I do find it really, really hard to date here. I've had 4 relationships with Argentines. The first was a typical histerico - we fought all the time (broke up in 3 different countries
). Lots of drama, fighting, making up, scenes, etc. It was exhausting. The 2nd was in his 30s, still lived at home and was in no rush to grow up - nice guy but I felt like his mother. The 3rd (the youngest actually) was great although it didn't work out for other reasons. He wound up moving overseas to study. And the 4th was the guy I mentioned above who wanted to have all the benefits of a relationship but without really committing.
Sigh.. it's one of the reason I think about leaving Argentina - sometimes I feel as though the cultural differences are just too great to overcome when it comes to relationships.
