LONG POST---------------------I think I wrote a book here Sorry!I hope it helps someone tho...-----------!!!
When I tell people I'm with an Argentine I get raised eyebrows and the same questions "Is he conceited?" "Arent Argentinians liars?" "Be careful! they only play games.." and so on. I'd like to say that all people are not the same and a lot of it depends on how they were raised at home and influence of society on them.
I know this couple that have been together for 4 years and it is always on and off , with some cheating included, with him insulting her, and telling us she is the worst .. then after she goes to his house looks for him, they fight,throw things, he gets drunk, then they have make up sex..and again the cycle restarts, until one of them cheats/lies/etc... Despite this he says he will marry her and she got pregnant this month. Hysteria seems to be a trend for some and it they may not even realize it , it seems to be their enviorment,the way they way raised or soemthing else. Of Course not everyone is the same.
My personal outlook:
Dating depends on what you and the other person are looking for, if you are into casual flings going to a boliche and meeting guys there its fine, you both know its casual so if you get attached its your fault. If you are looking for something serious a boliche doesnt seem to be the best place for this (not that it couldnt happen) but most people go to these places to have fun, and some people go on dates for fun, without compromise.
I think you can tell when a guy is for real, and when he is just having fun. If you are looking for something serious, why bother playing games? Why keep seeing these kind of guys? Just move on, eventually you will meet someone (13kk habitants are a lot of chances). If you are looking out to have some fun, a lot of Argentines want to just have fun too , just make sure to not get attached and don't believe everything they might say. If a guy is not what you are looking for, imo the best is just to cut him off clean, to avoid the "histerico" and the drama...
I've gone on fun dates with Argentines, its pretty clear its casual so I treat it as such... if it gets more serious I usually take my time, to see how sincere everything is before deciding anything, because you can't blame the tiger for biting you if you already been warned! So if you know how some Argentinean men are, then you can get to know a person first and even be friends and then you have a better judgement to decide from there...
Some girls look for guys to cover all their expenses, some look for guys to open the door, some look for educated guys... so if a guy is really what you are not looking for, why drag it longer? just RUN!
My (current) personal experience:
We had been best friends for a looooong while,so I got to know the real him and his outlook in woman/relationships/life before anything happened.
Dating: When we started to go out, I first took it a casual because I did not know how serious he wanted this to be, so we had a lot of fun dates, the first date he paid for, the second one (a movie) he paid for the tickets and I decided to offer to pay for popcorn/sodas, after insisting a lot he reluctantly accepted. We kept going on dates, and sometimes I would treat him to ice cream or help him pay for the cab or something... some girls have no problem in letting a guy pay everything (i do ), and some guys have no problem in paying, depends on what you are looking for.
When we decided to be a formal couple and since I had just gotten out of an exhausting dramatic relationship and considered all that suffering to be a waste of time/energy.. I decided to be upfront and talk to him when he told me he wanted us to be a serious couple.
I told him something like : "Before you consider having something serious with me, I think its fair to let you know what you are getting yourself into: I am not Argentine and I will never be, so there will always be cultural differences, I love my career and my job and school comes before fun to me, I hate drama, yelling, screaming, and I wont take insults from my bf, I'm not the jealous type (i really aren't) unless I have a powerful reason to be upset, also I am very independent, I respect your life and I would like you to respect mine.. I like upfront approaches so if you are ever upset/bothered/concerned by something tell me about it and I will be honest if something bothers me as well... so if you still want to have a relationship thats what you can expect."
Haha sounds like you been warned! After that he told me his side, of what I could expect from him and so on...
On Drama: I think the most important bit is the "upfront" bit. I think it gets rid of a lot of drama because for example if he doesnt like something he will tell me.. "Hey, I really dont like it when you say this or that to me ..." and since I care about him I try to use a different way to get my message across, and he does the same thing, you both get it out of your chest and dont feel bad. If things escalate for some reason we both take a small break of like 10 min. and then retake the issue... if its something delicate we both say what we would want and try to make it work for both of us.
If we are stuck in a decision, we came up with a method, where we have 3 options we could agree to like A , B and C, and then one of us takes one option out and the other one takes another option out and we do the one its left.
On money: We have 4 bank accounts. Each of us as his/her own bank account, then we have a mutual one that is used for household expenses (bills,food, etc) and then a savings account where we both deposit the same amount each month to travel together or buy something else. We both give equal % of our salaries to the household and the left over money is for personal expenses which stays on our own accounts. We go on dates often so we either take turns in treating each other out or we split the bill... if we stay and cook at home we both cook together.. unless one of us wants to do it him/herself...which takes me to..
Chores/Cleaning/Washing: We agreed that everything goes by turns (Since I stated since the beginning that unless I got paid I wasn't going to be a maid),or its split in half to make it fair. For example I dont like making the bed so I'll trade him making the bed for me washing the dishes instead of him. If I'm cooking he will wash the dishes, or do the laundry or vice versa...and so on. Sometimes he brings me breakfast in bed and even takes care of the dishes and tells me just to relax and stay "pachorrita" to have a nice gesture with me.. of course in return I do something nice for him as well. The system works for us, we keep everything nice and no one feels abused. On Sundays we dont do chores, we relax, stay in bed, snuggle,bla bla...
On Independence/friends/going out: we both have our circle of friends, and we agreed since the beginning to not isolate ourselves from them and still have a social life. We both go out together at times, but if he wants to have a guys night out thats fine by me, and if I want to have a girls night out its fine by him. I know his friends and he knows mine, he calls me to tell me he is okay and I do the same but we try to give each other space, if its a couples going out thing we go together, its great to go out together , but having separate and joint social life and retaining that sense of identity gives us stuff to talk about and it doesn't let it become a routine. Also, he supports my career an hobbies and I support his and he encourages me as well as I him. He is respectful of my culture,he loves it and loves to learn about it, and I love his.
He is very..
detallista, and loves to please me as much as I love to please him. He makes my favorite meals and I make his favorites. On special dates he always remembers (cellphone calendar
) and gets me a nice gift that I love. We try to surprise each other...we take trips around Argentina and the world to get away from the routine.
To be honest I was not looking for love, love found me.. I think some things are meant to be and being with someone shouldn't feel like a drag or you are in the wrong place or you are masochist. Loving someone from another place doesn't mean you have to give up everything you are and lose yourself (unless you want to...)you can take it as a chance to mesh 2 cultures, and there are a lot of nice guys on Baires, and all over Argentina so if something did not work out don't blame it on yourself, it's part of life and you will meet more people.
Just be aware that there is cultural differences you cant avoid and not everyone is the same, that dating is just dating (unless you and him want something more serious and he is what you want and wants a serious relationship with you.), dont jump ahead of yourself and keep your eyes open, like I said you cant blame the tiger for biting you when you know its nature.
Sorry for the long post!! :x
