forced friendships

[citygirl]

Well, I will be here for the long-term and have been here for quite a while already but don't consider myself jaded - do I count?

Yes, it's natural for expats to gravitate towards one another and sometimes you form friendships with people that you wouldn't have at home. I'm not taking that as a bad thing however - it exposes you to different people.

Meeting people is easy to do here, forming friendships is more difficult and takes time.

And as syngirl said, it gets exhausting (sorry) to meet someone & then have them pack up and leave after a few months. I think most people of my expat friends that I met 18 months ago are gone and of the ones that remain, I only know of 1 or 2 that have intentions of staying long-term. It's sad...

 

[thebookcellar]

i know what you are trying to say, but regretfully you fall into the bracket of people you are talking about...you are on an ex-pat website, by the way.
dont ever email me hahaha
i get my kicks from random insults at people who will never be 'long-term' friends

 

[Not-so-fancy-Nancy]

I'm not into shopping, painting my nails, "girls nights," dancing, going out with the intent to find boys to sleep with, etc. (maybe this is a cultural thing, but these seem to be most of the things that girls from the states are into).

You forgot a few things that most of the 150+ million girls and women from the US are into: ice cream and puppy dogs. And you wonder why you didn't have many girl friends in the states . . .

I'm not the first on this thread to touch on this, but of course there's a faction of pretentious bobo postmodern kids like yourself are out there in BsAs. They're just always going to be more highly concentrated in your homeland. I'm from small town Alabama, and even there we have plenty of people like you who think they're cooler than everyone else for digging David Lynch. Enjoy your lonley evening with sufjan stevens, american cigarettes and that bottle of malbec.

 

[Moxon]

I think this is a legitimate and interesting topic. I'm not sure why you had to jump to conclusions about the OP or resort to insults (very low to accuse someone of being a Sufjan Stevens fan)

 

[nikad]

I think this is a legitimate and interesting topic. I'm not sure why you had to jump to conclusions about the OP or resort to insults (very low to accuse someone of being a Sufjan Stevens fan)

hahah indeed that cracked me up!

 

[Rhododendron]

Not-so-fancy-Nancy...

Just because someone has different tastes or interests, enjoys different things or perhaps doesn't feel like they fit into the mass-marketed-shrink-wrapped-on-demand-consumer-driven culture within which we live does not mean they deserve to be pigeon holed, judged or ridiculed by others.

Your response displays a judgmental and narrow mind. It is a mentalities like yours that probably brought about the stereo-type with which so many ‘southern’ American citizens are now unfairly labelled.

However, in your case, apparently the cap does fit.

 

[Jennie]

thanks for defending me, kids. it's people like 'not so fancy nancy' that i'm trying to avoid in this town. Sufjan Stevens is alright. don't have anything against him, not particularly into him. but, i do smoke camels...i guess i fit the mold...
and to 'thebookcellar":
i am very obviously aware that i am on an expat forum. if you recall from my post, i said at the beginning that i feel it is important to have local friends, as well as expat friends. but, instead of coming on here and starting a post that simply says 'i'm new in town, wanna hang out?', i thought i would just explain a little about myself, so that people would know if we have something in common or not. this way, you avoid all the hastle of the meet up, only to find out that you have no interest in being friends with said person (did i say a person?). anyway, i'm pretty sure i'm going to end up having to defend myself a lot with this post, even though i'm not really sure why certain people seem to be so offended by it. i mean, we are all different, have different ideas of what we want in a friendship, etc. i don't see what is so wrong with coming right out and saying it, instead of hoping that you find it.
with that being said, i don't really want to have to explain myself anymore, i don't have the energy. so, say what you like, but don't expect to hear much more from me on the subject. i may have bitten off more than i can chew. i'm new to this whole "posting a thread business". i didn't realize the power behind it. thanks for your support and insults. chau!

 

[Not-so-fancy-Nancy]

Nice points Moxon and Nikad. Looking back my post sounds harsher that I thought. I was annoyed by Jennie's America girl stereotypes, but I in turn ended up stereotyping her by clumping her with the intolerable elitist indie kids I worked with in indie radio for three years. I apologize.

However, Rhododendron, I wasn't insulting people who try to live outside the mainstream, plastic consumer culture, just people who think they're so much better than the majority for doing it. I, too, live outside the mainstream, and consequently most of my friends fall into that category. I would've missed out on some great friendships if I'd written off everyone who enjoys shopping, dancing or casual sex before I got to know them. And things like great beer and wine are luxuries that not everyone can afford. So yeah, I don't like classists. If that makes me judgmental I can live with that. It's my opinion. But hey, opinions are like ***holes, right?

 

[Jennie]

grrrrrr...i know i said that i was no longer going to defend myself, but i can't resist (really, this is the last time!). the fact that you assume that i come from money and can afford extravagant things is even more insulting than assuming i am a sufjan stevens fan. i grew up poor, and will most likely die poor. it's my destiny. i am in no way a classist. not so fancy nanacy, i think you might judge people more quickly than i do, which is saying a lot...

 

[allcraz]

I'm glad Jennie posted because whether we are here short or long term, I think it's a topic many can relate to.

I can admit I'm guilty of judging/avoiding those who tell me they are here for a few months, they don't really know, studying Spanish, hanging out, taking a break, etc. There are two main reasons for that: A) It's tiring, as many here have already said, to watch friends come and go. and B) In my case, these short-termers normally have a totally different budget than a person actually living and working in BsAs (yo) and our ideas of fun tend to collide.

I believe those here for a shorter length of time far outnumber those of us on the forum who are here permanently, indefinitely, what have you...I have passed the two year mark and am always hoping to meet potential friends who plan on staying, but it doesn't happen very often. Nevertheless, I have had many great times on many occasions with passers-through and surely will continue to do so.