let,s cheer ourselves up

[Delfina]

- Why do Argentines smile during thunderstorms? Because they think God is taking panoramic viewpoint picture of them

- How does an Argentine commit suicide? He climbs up his ego and jumps!

- In what respects are Superman and a modest Argentine alike? None of them actually exist.

- Why are there so many cases of premature babies in Argentina? Because no one can stand them, not even their mums.

- Why do Argentines never use hot water to have a shower? Because the mirror mists up.

- Which country is closest to heaven? It’s Uruguay since it’s beside Argentina

- Why there will never ever be an earthquake in Argentina? Because not even the Earth can “swallow” them.

- How does an Argentine start an e-mail? “I know you miss me...”

- How would you define EGO? The Argentine we all carry inside ourselves.

- A psychologist from Venezuela calls a colleague at around 2 am. “Please, come to my office immediatly” he urges him. “I have a unique case here” “But, what is it?” replies the other.“It’s an inferiority complex case”“Are you out of your mind? I have thousands of those cases every month”“Ha, yes! But have you ever had an Argentine?!”

 

[fifs2]

I love the Russian commie jokes,the Argentinans are robbed and so I opt for a short and seet one:

What do you call a sceptic cat?


Puss

 

[HowardinBA]

my wife,s chuffed with the new belt I bought her for her birthday,


the vacuum cleaner works perfectly now....

 

[Delfina]

What's the difference between a lawyer and a dog? The dog knows when to stop chasing the ambulance...

How do you call a lawyer with an IQ of 50? Your Honor

What have lawyers and atomic bombs in common? That everyone has one because the other people have it, but they all would rather not use them.

 

[Brigadier]

there is a drunk guy in a bar drinking, he finishes his bottle and start trying to get the last drops out of the bottle and suddenly a genius comes from inside the bottle and t tells to the drunk guy .. "I will grant you a wish" ... then the drunk guy says "I want to urinate liquor". The genie grants the wish. Then the drunk man comes home excited and tells the whole story to his wife, then she says "let's celebrate, bring two cups for a toast?" and he replied: "No, just bring one, you go to drink from the bottle" heheh

 

[tangobob]

An engineer went to hell.
The devil said "what are you doing here, engineers always go upstairs, never mind we can put you to use"
So the engineer sets of installing escalators, bridges, air con, soon hell is more comfortable than heaven.
God looks down and does not like what he sees.
He says to the devil, you must send that engineer up here straight away.
The devil says "no way we have him and we are keeping him"

God says "if you do not send him up now I will sue"



"and where are YOU going to get a lawyer" said the devil.

 

[elhombresinnombre]

A man arrives at the gates of heaven. St Peter looks puzzled, then looks in The Book, looks puzzled again and says, 'We weren't expecting you today - tell me what happened?'

'Well,' says the man, 'It was most extraordinary. I had just come out of Church after Mass and had opened the door of my car so that I could get in and drive away, when I heard the sound of breaking glass from the building behind me and before I could do anything, this wardrobe fell from the sky and killed me.'

'I suppose you'd better come in,' said St Peter.

Then another man arrives at the gates of heaven. St Peter looks puzzled, then looks in The Book, looks puzzled again and says, 'We weren't expecting you today - tell me what happened?'

'Well,' says the man, 'It was most extraordinary. I returned home from work earlier than usual and discovered that my wife had been unfaithful to me. She was lying on the bed in the grip of ecstacy but there was no sign anywhere of her lover. Just then, I heard a noise from the street below and I saw the blighter getting into his car so before he could drive away, with a superhuman effort I picked up the wardrobe and flung it out of the window on top of him. Unfortunately, the superhuman effort caused a cardiac arrest and I died.'

'I suppose you'd better come in,' said St Peter.

The, yet another man arrives at the gates of heaven. St Peter looks puzzled, then looks in The Book, looks puzzled again and says, 'We weren't expecting you today - tell me what happened?'

'Well,' says the man, 'It was most extraordinary............



.......



.......



.......



.......



There I was inside this wardrobe.........

 

[JoeBlow]

Three guys walk into a bar.


That must have hurt.

 

[tez]

A la Eddie Murphy:


A bear and a rabbit are taking a poo in the woods.

The bear asks the rabbit, "Do you have a problem with poo sticking to your fur?"

The rabbit says, "No."

So the bear wipes his but with the rabbit.

 

[Saturnine]

And in the highest room of the castle's tallest tower, she slept peacefully for a hundred years, surrounded bythe undeniable safety of the spikiest, thorniest, most poisonous forest ever. And when the prince arrived and gave her the true love's kiss, she whispered to him in a soft, trembling voice, "Put me back on Valium,for fuck’s sake, you dumb fuck!”