Maintaining Language & Culture in a Multicultural Family

[gpop]

My daughter was born here, she goes to school here, and all that she knows is Argentina. She'll be 6 in February and only want so speak in Spanish, and thinks that there is nothing better than Argentina.

The language on the playground will always determine the dominant language and culture, it is the main socializing element for a child by the time they are of school age. Secondary languages and the customs of a multicultural family are formed by necessity. This process of learning language is easy for children when they are very young, but at a certain point it starts to get much harder; they may start to forget about secondary languages, or abandon them.

This concerns me because it seems like my daughter only has me as a link to Canada. It's all very abstract in her mind despite my efforts to educate her.

I only speak in English with her, and mom speaks Spanish. I've tried having "English-only" times of the day, or that she ought to speak only English with me and her grand-parents in Canada, or playing games that compare Spanish words with the English equivalent. I tell her stories about how it was like when I was a kid, and sometimes I try to get her to watch her cartoons with me in English. She tries sometimes, and I am proud of her for the amount of words that she does know, however she has almost no sentence structure.

I am utterly exhausted by her schools poor take on an "English program", and the Argentine side of the family are luke-warm about this matter. It's really frustrating and has been the source of a lot of friction in my marriage. I pose the question to my wife, that if we were in Canada would we still have the problem in reverse? I don't think so.

I'd like to send her to a school with a better English program (even though the cost is unrealistic), or have a tutor, but I don't know that it will solve the problem or make her hate the language even more. It's as if she gets tired of trying and fades into the same kind of complacency, then resentment that I see in many Argentines. I don't want my daughter to "choose" because it is not about that. I do hope that she will learn to celebrate her rich heritage.

Can anyone relate to this?

 

[elhombresinnombre]

This is a much bigger question than language isn't it? There's a whole can of worms just waiting to be opened but it ain't me that's gonna do it. So schools....

I know youngsters from around your way who were educated at the Instituto Evangélico Americano, Simbrón 3160, Villa del Parque and others from Colegio Nuestra Señora de la Misericordia, Asunción 3780, Villa Devoto who speak excellent English out of choice. Not often, but sometimes, you'll hear them chatting in English on the street in their little groups not because of their cultural identity but because it's a cool thing to do. If your child is not already at one of those schools, maybe you would want to check them out. They teach English well, but the best exponents I know also have private tutors. The schools are not promoting a pro-British/US/Canadian culture and I wouldn't expect them to: this is Argentina and the students are growing up to be Argentine but I'll stop here because the lid on that can of worms is beginning to look awfully loose.

 

[Napoleon]

I would find the kid English speaking playmates.

That's the least you could do.

Good luck on everything.

 

[arlean]

I understand the "can of worms" here but I will wade in anyway. You are really at a disadvantage unless you have family cooperation. If not there's not much you can do about it directly. I know several Argentine families whose parents spoke a third language and insisted on that language in the home. Consequently, even though third generation, they speak the language well. One particular family I know consists of 3 siblings and all are fluent, and I mean FLUENT in German. The mother was German descent, learned from her parents, the father did speak German though is another ethnicity. They made German the language of the home. My friend tells me she would burst into the kitchen with news and start telling and her mother would say, "German please." These kids learned English in public school (though neither parent speaks English) and so they have the advantage of three languages. Failing family support, if your daughter could be in a private school where english speaking children go would probably be the next best, I think or, as one suggested, had english speaking playmates.

Sad when parents don't get this. I am an immigrant and now, knowing what I know, I wish I had had the concept and moved with my children when they were young. They also learn FAST when they are young. I know another family--moved from the US with one child kindergarten and one pre-kindergarten. Without months they appeared proficient in spanish. Since both parents speak english they now (after 3 years) switch readily between languages. To my thinking, it's fantastic. Wish I had had that concept.

 

[walkingtwig]

some ideas:

Frstly don't get stressed out, children can feel your anxiety so relax and have fun. Children learn faster when they are having fn and are relaxed too, so it works best for both of you.

How did yu learn english? You just did right? Wrong. Think back to all those nursery ryhmes and stories, about the three bears, about incy-wincy-spider. Don't make "english speaking only times" but instead have song time, or story time. Songs with actions and dances are best. You are going o have to find your inner child!!

Argentina has a holiday for every day, day of the flag, day of the who knows what.... Put a calender up in your house and mark the days, but also add canada day, victoria day, labour day, thanksgiving, rememberance, alberta family day, british coloumbia day,heritage day etc etc it doesn't if your not from british colombia or alberta we are just looking fr fun reasons to talk about canada!! plan actvites on those days and tell her she is lucky as she get double the amount of special days.

Use your canadian family as much as you can, does she have cousins? she can start having pen-pals with her cousins, through e-mail, and skype as well as by letter. She doesn't always have to write she can colour in a canadan flag, print one off from google and colour it in, send it to the grandparents or scan it and email it to other friends and family.

Does she love princesses? tal about the canadian royal family, show her the places that the princess visited in july. it doesnt matter wither it interests you but rather her, we are looking for an oppertunity to engage her. (i would though tell her that they are the canadian royal family as english themes are sometimes misunderstood)

(http://www.journeymart.com/tools/world-holidays/canada.aspx)

 

[Fabe]

Gpop
Id ask in the embassy. I think there is an international school in some way attached to the United Nations where many people in the Foreign Service send their children , no matter where they are stationed.
Inlaws can be an oposing force , expecially if they dont understand your desire .
Good luck , and stick to your guns. The ony ones in your fam that should be opining are you and your wife.

 

[Zissou]

It's worth the fight. I was a stubborn child and refused to speak German or Spanish once I started speaking French at school (and English everywhere else almost). I really regret it now!

My friends who had parents didn't learn English (or French) as well and had to speak another language at home or with the family eventually became perfectly tri- or quadri-lingual, almost effortlessly.

Definitely don't give up and don't let your daughter think she's the boss! You can give her some choices (2 hours a day, etc) or just lay down the law (100% English with you on weekends). Finding some playmates is also a really great idea since kids will figure it out amongst themselves.

Lastly, I know this may sound harsh but your wife or inlaws support is kind of secondary - ultimately, your daughter's command of English is going to have a huge impact in her personal, scholastic and professional options for the rest of her life. It sucks if they don't recognize that but as you do, it's up to you.

With language, her link to Canada will become stronger as a bi-product. Especially once she is older and you could talk to her about studying there, spending summers there, etc.

 

[AngelinBA]

I have the same problem with my kids. My husband doesn't speak English so we don't speak in my language at all around the house if he's there. I was in despair when my son (now 9) said to me one day in Spanish "callate mami, no te entiendo". How do you answer that??
I decided to stop pushing him because he was just getting more and more stubborn about it. Then when he went to school and started English classes, he suddenly found that all his friends were also learning English and so he started to take an interest. He doesn't speak fluent English and everyone tells me off for this because it has to be my fault as the English speaking parent for him not learning. However, he is the top of his class and is now asking what words are and finally taking an interest in the language.
My other daughter, 5 yrs, pretends to speak English by speaking gibberish but won't actually stop to hear what I'm saying or to actually learn words. She learned the words "pink" and "princess" and "Pretty" and that was enough for her!
As for the school, I was incredibly frustrated as well that my son seemed to spend years learning and relearning the colours and numbers! He learned all of those when he was two by watching Power Rangers! Then all of a sudden in 1st grade there was a huge leap and start really learning how to put sentences together and in 2nd grade how to form a conditional sentence and future and past.
As for the book reading suggested by someone else, they're right! My little 5 yr old has one other English word in her vocabulary, "upsidedown!" Comes from her favourite English book where the bunny rabbit does a handstand.

 

[starlucia]

As long as you're speaking English to her every day, there's no way she isn't learning (even if she doesn't yet produce.) I know many people who learned a second language from only 1 parent, whether they wanted to or not. Remember, she's only 5; give her more time to keep receiving input from you and induce the grammar on her own. I'm reminded of 2 kids I know, who live in Rome with an Argentine mother and an Italian father. Their mother has only spoken in Spanish to them since birth, and although the 7-year-old doesn't speak much yet, he understands everything. By age 12, the older one speaks perfectly (even though he never practices, as his production is limited to 1 week per year with Argentine relatives) If you want to give your daughter a reason to be motivated to speak English, have you thought about sending her to a summer camp in the U.S. or Canada? Or at least some sort of local activity with kids and parents who only use English?

 

[sesamosinsal]

Lastly, I know this may sound harsh but your wife or inlaws support is kind of secondary - ultimately, your daughter's command of English is going to have a huge impact in her personal, scholastic and professional options for the rest of her life. It sucks if they don't recognize that but as you do, it's up to you.

I think this is probably the most important part of this discussion. Putting cultural issues aside, her future is extremely important, is it not? If she were to live in Argentina for the rest of her life, think about the opportunities that would be available to her if she spoke English with a fluent, North American accent? Sorry to be blunt, but is your wife or her family thinking at all about what happens when she's a young adult looking for a good university or a job? Being "natively" bilingual in Spanish and English is enormously beneficial. To pass up the opportunity is, to me, pretty crazy.

If I had kids here in Argentina, they'd not only be taking English classes, but Chinese classes as well.