Who is Stayin Alive?

[Redpossum]

... (edited for brevity)

Yes I am partly to blame for this situation because I had a feeling she didn't truly love me but I never ended it, and I kept going, knowing there was a risk that this would happen. I am a fairly normal looking person and not super rich. She is much younger and quite beautiful, and I knew there was an unbalance in our relationship I had lengthy sessions with two couples therapists who, initially, my wife also saw with me but then stopped, who basically said the same thing. One was very interventionist and told me to end it before she did, in a really bad way that would hurt me. I didn't listen.

My deepest and most sincere sympathies. That would break my heart in a million pieces.

Stories like this make me feel better about being a crusty, curmudgeonly old bachelor.

 

[Fiscal]

My deepest and most sincere sympathies. That would break my heart in a million pieces.

Stories like this make me feel better about being a crusty, curmudgeonly old bachelor.

Do you ever regret not settling down?

 

[gracielle]

Yes I am partly to blame for this situation because I had a feeling she didn't truly love me but I never ended it, and I kept going, knowing there was a risk that this would happen. I am a fairly normal looking person and not super rich. She is much younger and quite beautiful, and I knew there was an unbalance in our relationship I had lengthy sessions with two couples therapists who, initially, my wife also saw with me but then stopped, who basically said the same thing. One was very interventionist and told me to end it before she did, in a really bad way that would hurt me. I didn't listen.

Your story rings familiar. Over the years I have seen a fair share of marriages/relationships between young ARG women and young English-speaking men. All of them have since come to an end for a variety of reasons, in the same manner as yours within the first 3 years of their first encounter. It's easy for outsiders to say "live and learn".....but the process can be devastating especially when there are small children stuck in the middle.
Best to you.

 

[jeff1234]

[QUO

leaving our child with me for 8+ hours at a time (while I was trying to work remotely, field calls and Zoom meetings).

asking her why not seek out the super romantically intense relationship she truly desires.

she has interjected our child into this mess as a weapon and source of power.

Then it will be about the amount of money she receives.

Translation: She already has boyfriends. All you mean to her is $.
You should cut your losses but do the best you can to keep communictions with your son. You might be surprised that she sends him to live with you in the US.

 

[Redpossum]

Do you ever regret not settling down?

Every day, but it wasn't a one-sided decision. Three times in my life I asked a then-girlfriend to marry me, and all three of them said no. But every time I read a story like yours, I think maybe I dodged a bullet.

What can you say? The feminists murdered romance.

 

[on the brink]

I said why not let me have our son, and she said simply, "No, he is mine." Then it will be about the amount of money she receives. Then what?

Yes I am partly to blame for this situation because I had a feeling she didn't truly love me but I never ended it, and I kept going, knowing there was a risk that this would happen. I am a fairly normal looking person and not super rich. She is much younger and quite beautiful, and I knew there was an unbalance in our relationship I had lengthy sessions with two couples therapists who, initially, my wife also saw with me but then stopped, who basically said the same thing. One was very interventionist and told me to end it before she did, in a really bad way that would hurt me. I didn't listen.

Don't blame yourself too much - it is hard to make a marriage work when people come from different backgrounds.

Probably the situation will boil down to money - how much she can get. Couldn't you offer to pay her alimony in exchange for custody of your son? She sounds very young and immature, and I suspect a child will hamper the kind of life she yearns for.

Congratulations for daring not to be "a crusty, curmudgeonly old bachelor", and trying to form a family. It may not have worked, but you did try, and now have a son. Whatever you decide, I wish you the best of luck.

 

[Somewhereinba]

It's hard reading these stories of relationships going sour... Wish everyone the best health and success - no toxic relationship is worth staying in. Seperate and find someone that suits you better and LEARN from the previous relationship - don't be one of those people who goes from one toxic relationship to the next.

 

[cbbsas]

Every day, but it wasn't a one-sided decision. Three times in my life I asked a then-girlfriend to marry me, and all three of them said no. But every time I read a story like yours, I think maybe I dodged a bullet.

What can you say? The feminists murdered romance.

Depends on your understanding of romance. Depends on your understanding of feminists too perhaps.

 

[Rich One]

Love and Passion Grow and reach a plateau then sometimes comes a long period of -"desamor/ loss of love" that may drag for years to end in bitter divorces.

When loss of love starts, become aware,get help, cut your losses , terminate sooner a toxic relationship , rather than extending the torment so harmful emotionally and physically for both. A woman per day murdered in Argentia?

Arguing from the moment you wake up doesn't pay a toll on your health ??( Wake up and smell the coffee pun intended) . Repeat this every day for years...! Will reduce several years of life plus increased ailments and mental health suffering..!

 

[Pierre Smith]

Man, Fiscal, that's rough. Sorry to hear it.

In your situation, she may have the "power" by weaponizing custody of your kid, but you have more power, namely, the threat that you can simply vanish and leave her in a permanent economic pit without your income and as a single mother.

To give her a taste of this, you can switch Airbnbs in Lima so she can't show up on your doorstep, ignore all her calls, and spend a week or two without her stressing you. The food is wonderful there, get delivery of all the great stuff that she - as an Argentine - categorically refused to eat. Make pisco cocktails - god knows there's an infinite variety of options. If she has access to a joint bank account, let her keep it (but obviously stop depositing any money in it, beyond the absolute minimum that she needs for support).

Then, after that week or two, you restore contact with a phone call. If she immediately goes ballistic on you during that first call, hang up and cut off contact for another three days. Then try again. Rinse and repeat until she comes to understand - without your ever having mentioned it explicitly - that you could simply dump her and the kid, leaving them without any money or support (aside from your flat, I suppose). Once it sinks in, this will 100% put the fear of god into her, as it would any good funds-seeking Argentine woman, no matter how volatile. She might think you're a cruel sociopath and run you down to anyone that'll listen, but it's a great position from which to bargain.

That'll set it up so that future negotiations are more manageable, and tilted in some basic way in your favor. This basic backstop negotiating position of "if you make this too hard on me, if things don't shake out fairly, if you play the judge against me, whatever it is, then I will just walk away from all of this then you get nothing" should always hang there - without your ever explicitly saying it, especially around witnesses. Even if it's not true, this is your leverage in negotiations, your "power."