I'd like to turn the conversation back to the kinds of things that I have experienced and could hardly believe were happening to me. Saying "disculpeme" or "permiso" when you've stepped on someone's foot and they are glaring at you is one thing, but not showing up at a dinner party with no sign of explanation is quite another.
To add to my growing list of can't believes, last night I had a Christmas dinner party. It was the 25th so the guests were generally available. Seven of the eight guests arrived on time and we had a wonderful evening. But the one person who did not show up, who had confirmed twice that he was coming, and who had invited three of the people who did show up -- people I didn't even know! -- simply did not come, and has not, as of 11:45 tonight, returned any of my calls.
I want to stay on the topic of keeping appointmetns. This guy is the MOST polite person I know when it comes to the automatic things; after coming to my house about 20 times he still says "Permiso" if he wants to come into the kitchen while I'm making coffer. But I've seen him pull these other tricks before.
And to get at whether this is acceptable here in Buenos Aires, his friends didn't think it odd that he didn't show up. Luckily they knew one other person at the party, or they would have been here in a stranger's house.
That is what I'm trying to get at. Is it really the case that a significant proportion of people here think that it is acceptable to accept an invitation that requires some effort on the part of the host, and simply not show up?
I can't think of anything like this ever happening in Canada, France, Spain, Switzerland, Mexico, Honduras, Gutemala, England, Germany, or any other place I've lived.
It has to mean that this is not considered to be poor manners. Yet how can it be that when you don't show up for a meal that you invited others to, or when you don't show up for a meal that you asked for (as in my original post), there is no need to call to apologize, no need to mention it the next time we meet, and so on?
I know all about cultural relativism, but I can't think of a culture where making someone host strangers because you didn't show up, or asking for a meal (already a bit odd) and not showing up, or, as I said the first time, doing the latter and insisting that you would be there in 30 minutes and STILL not showing up, could be considered anything but rude. This has happened too often, and with too many people from too many walks of life, for me to believe that it is just bad luck in my choice of friends and colleagues.
masalsur
