Women Who've Made A Home Here For Love
- Thread starter Thuraya
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DontMindMe
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So many wonderful and interesting posts for me to mull over as I move into a new phase with my SO of three years. I love romantic stories as much as the next person, but I am a realist. This probably comes from the fact that both of my parents were divorced before they met each other. So I grew up with the strongest message about love probably being DON'T RUSH and make sure you really know what you're getting into.
Soon I'm moving to be with SO in his home country. Neither of us have any idea how long we'll be there, and we're okay with that. We met in Buenos Aires but neither of us were from here. After about a year and a half after meeting, I left. I had to. I was at my wit's end, tired of being broke and in a very bad place. No great romance was going to fix that, and oh, a great romance it is. Six months later, he left too, getting a work transfer out. Neither of us were happy in Buenos Aires, and we both honestly believe that you can't be happy in a relationship if you're not a happy individual with some sort or personal fulfillment from sources outside the other person. When the time came to talk about the plan to end our long distance phase, we had to get real. Is he open to the idea of moving to the U.S. one day? Yes. Am I open to not going back to the U.S. for what may be a long while? Yes. Are we both open to keeping our options open, knowing that things change? We never could have guessed that our lives would be what they have been so far, so yes. I went and re-read the OP and it seems you two are thinking Argentina FOREVER or the U.S. FOREVER. Does it really have to be that way?
I lucked out in the sense that SO left his parents' house to go off to college at 16, then later in life spent five years even farther away working in BA. He's not the typical Latin momma's boy. We won't be living in the same city as his family, although I adore them and look forward to many visits. But I gotta tell you OP, if I had a serious boyfriend who told me point blank that he was never willing to move away from his family, no matter how I felt about the place, that would make warning bells go off for me. Close family ties are wonderful, but someone saying no way, I'll never, ever leave from the get go is... Well, it would maybe make me view that person in a different light. I think when you decide to make it long term with someone, that person needs to move to the top of the list. If he's not ready to put you at the top of the list, he may not be ready to make a lifelong commitment to you in the same way you are to him. Just my two cents. It's better that you know this stuff now as opposed to later...
Soon I'm moving to be with SO in his home country. Neither of us have any idea how long we'll be there, and we're okay with that. We met in Buenos Aires but neither of us were from here. After about a year and a half after meeting, I left. I had to. I was at my wit's end, tired of being broke and in a very bad place. No great romance was going to fix that, and oh, a great romance it is. Six months later, he left too, getting a work transfer out. Neither of us were happy in Buenos Aires, and we both honestly believe that you can't be happy in a relationship if you're not a happy individual with some sort or personal fulfillment from sources outside the other person. When the time came to talk about the plan to end our long distance phase, we had to get real. Is he open to the idea of moving to the U.S. one day? Yes. Am I open to not going back to the U.S. for what may be a long while? Yes. Are we both open to keeping our options open, knowing that things change? We never could have guessed that our lives would be what they have been so far, so yes. I went and re-read the OP and it seems you two are thinking Argentina FOREVER or the U.S. FOREVER. Does it really have to be that way?
I lucked out in the sense that SO left his parents' house to go off to college at 16, then later in life spent five years even farther away working in BA. He's not the typical Latin momma's boy. We won't be living in the same city as his family, although I adore them and look forward to many visits. But I gotta tell you OP, if I had a serious boyfriend who told me point blank that he was never willing to move away from his family, no matter how I felt about the place, that would make warning bells go off for me. Close family ties are wonderful, but someone saying no way, I'll never, ever leave from the get go is... Well, it would maybe make me view that person in a different light. I think when you decide to make it long term with someone, that person needs to move to the top of the list. If he's not ready to put you at the top of the list, he may not be ready to make a lifelong commitment to you in the same way you are to him. Just my two cents. It's better that you know this stuff now as opposed to later...
I got scammed buying mine, was promised for something and got something completely different, neither I can drive nor I can leave.
sheawj
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We were long distance for about 4 years (looong years), until I moved here with my son in 2010. She's going to medical school and that's why we made the move...but when she's finished, we're going back to the US. I'm very glad we made the move-haven't regretted it once.
robwerwe
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Am I too British or are you being sarcastic?
robwerwe
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Perhaps leave it on the street with the keys in and some will take her off your hands for you.
mmoon
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Very interesting topic. I have two friends in BA who married Argentine men, one who ended up divorced and the other who remains here reluctantly. They both have kids. The one who is divorced has to stay in BA until her children are 18 and she is entirely dependent on her ex for financial support. The other one is still married, but she is tired of life in BA and wants to spend more time with her parents, who are older. It is unbearably hard for both of them to be stuck living somewhere that they don't like and can't leave.
What I want to add is that child raising doesn't end at 18, and once your children have grown up in Argentina, it is likely they will stay there. That means, if you do get divorced and eventually return to the US, you will likely be leaving your children (and possibly eventual grandchildren) behind. I know that is way far in the future, but a move and a marriage here could likely mean you are staying for life, no matter what happens with your partner.
The other thing I wanted to mention is that if this guy is so fantastic, I think he should also be open to moving to the US at some point, even if it isn't permanent. It just seems like you are starting out as the one making the huge life change with no compromise on his end and it doesn't seem like the best way to start a lifelong partnership.
Whatever you do, take your time. You're young, so don't rush into such a major decision. Thanks for posting!
What I want to add is that child raising doesn't end at 18, and once your children have grown up in Argentina, it is likely they will stay there. That means, if you do get divorced and eventually return to the US, you will likely be leaving your children (and possibly eventual grandchildren) behind. I know that is way far in the future, but a move and a marriage here could likely mean you are staying for life, no matter what happens with your partner.
The other thing I wanted to mention is that if this guy is so fantastic, I think he should also be open to moving to the US at some point, even if it isn't permanent. It just seems like you are starting out as the one making the huge life change with no compromise on his end and it doesn't seem like the best way to start a lifelong partnership.
Whatever you do, take your time. You're young, so don't rush into such a major decision. Thanks for posting!
citygirl
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It's also important to factor in the cost of raising kids here in addition to the lack of salary you will have. Not a deal breaker but something to consider. I just had twins and right now, for us to send them to a private school, I'm looking at probably 10-12K a month just in school costs. It's terrifying.
I came to Argentina on my own and had a life here long before I got involved with my SO. I think that's vitally important that you know what you are getting into so you don't wind up blaming him for you being here (as happened with more than a few people I know).
I am with my SO - we were friends long before we became romantic and I am incredibly happy with him and having the twins has been a blessing. That being said, it is hard to be so far from family and friends and I do worry about raising our kids here. Not just the cost of it, as daunting as that may be, but also the lack of opportunities I think they will have here. And with costs being what they are, and us living on pesos and me not being able to find a job here in my field, much less at the salary level I would have in the US, well, we won't be able to travel back to the US as often as we would hope or be able to travel in the way that I did as a kid..
Life changes and you don't know what the future holds but it is important to be comfortable with where you are here in and of yourself because choosing to stay here for someone is a gamechanger.
I came to Argentina on my own and had a life here long before I got involved with my SO. I think that's vitally important that you know what you are getting into so you don't wind up blaming him for you being here (as happened with more than a few people I know).
I am with my SO - we were friends long before we became romantic and I am incredibly happy with him and having the twins has been a blessing. That being said, it is hard to be so far from family and friends and I do worry about raising our kids here. Not just the cost of it, as daunting as that may be, but also the lack of opportunities I think they will have here. And with costs being what they are, and us living on pesos and me not being able to find a job here in my field, much less at the salary level I would have in the US, well, we won't be able to travel back to the US as often as we would hope or be able to travel in the way that I did as a kid..
Life changes and you don't know what the future holds but it is important to be comfortable with where you are here in and of yourself because choosing to stay here for someone is a gamechanger.
