Women Who've Made A Home Here For Love

[sivan]

I met my husband when i was 21 in another country and then moved here to be with him. We married at 23 with very little thought as to what we were doing to be honest and certainly without taking any of the abovementioned into consideration. Thankfully 7 years later we are still together and now have a 3 month old baby. I love him very much and hope that we will be together forever but it is scary to think about what would happen if we split up. I definately have a love/hate relationship with Argentina and I think that if things didnt work out I would want to go back home to be closer to my family and as I dont think i would be able to make enough money to support myself here. But he is an amazing father and i wouldnt want to take our child away from him. NOT an easy decision to make.
The bottom line is that while it is good to think about these things and to discuss them with your other half NO ONE has any idea how it will turn out. I certainly never expected to be living here 10 years ago. I dont think i could have pointed to Argentina on a world map. But here I am. And most days i wake up happy and other days I feel really homesick. But as one of the other posters mentioned no where is perfect and if you are lucky enough to find someone that you can really see yourself spending the rest of your life it will usually be worth it.

 

[allcraz]

When you're in love and wanting to get married, have kids, etc, its never fun to think about the bad that could happen. BUT, before you have kids, I would highly recommend discussing what you would do if you separate/divorce. If the kids would stay in Argentina, move to the states? Would you be able to support yourself in Argentina? How about the quality of life? Would you be able to visit your family with them? What about if something happens to the both of you (heaven forbid) and you have to decide who they would live with; do they stay in Argentina or should they be with someone in the states? Would they be able to travel to visit family if you are both gone?

It is definitely a lot to think about and it shouldn't be taken lightly. Yes, everything now is roses but you should think about both the good and the bad. My husband and I have been very clear about these things and the open communication will only make things easier. Even if you're both from the same country, these are difficult choices and so make sure you find the one that you love and that you are always honest with your intentions, goals, etc.


Cheers!

Excellent advice.

 

[Risu]

For what it is worth:
Being female & in your mid-twenties, the one thing assured is that whatever choices you make now will resonate in your life for the next ten years. If you marry & have children make that for the next twenty years, at the very least. Add divorce into the mix and it gets messy to the extreme. I would suggest to gain some clarity, play out several scenarios in your mind as to what it might be...should you stay with your wonderful young man, get married and have children, giving strong consideration to all the above comments. Yes, his family may be wonderful but what of your own? Procreation is wonderful but don't be delusional or underestimate the realities of having children. It is an exhausting task and in most cases requies you to shelf your own dreams and aspirations. Seek out women who are around your age, have children and study them. Even from a distance in a park or in front of a school. If you can, ask them about what demands they have on their time and life both with careers/children and without. Ask them what they might have done differently. Ask them about the economic burdens that come with making Argentina their home. Ask them about the challenges of making ends meet when you start paying a nanny so that you can earn a wage in addition to the high costs of school tuition, clothing, birthday parties, colonia, swimming lessons, etc. Ask what it feels like to be on a relentless treadmill where they race continually to maintain their responsibilities of home, husband and children. Ask them what their dreams were before they married and had children. Ask your mother what her dreams were before she had you.
Big life changing decisions require a great deal of thought and research. You have done well by beginning your quest on this forum. Best of luck.

 

[Gringoboy]

The one word that jumped off the page for me was SACRIFICE.
One of us has to, unless there's a possibility of keeping a foot in each camp half the year, ojala.
God forbid should anything happen our end, I'd have to seek refuge back in the bosom of my family in the UK like, asap.

 

[trennod]

one big positive difference i noticed in raising your children in Argentina (in a private school), is the how much more innocent they are here! my husbands daughter is in grade 7, and is VERY different then we were in grade 7 in Canada, we started smoking, and not only ciggs at that age, the next year we started drinking...we started WAY too early! (maybe my junior high was just weird!) but i see her, and i love how innocent she is, and that makes me feel less afraid to have children, and more optimistic that they won't be as rebellious as i was at that age!!!!!

You make a good point shoush, from what I hear from friends and my gf they certainly start drinking later etc. I think its tick for the culture here, binge drinking is a massive problem in many of our home countries´ compared to here.

 

[trennod]

I'm glad you made this post because it allows me to succinctly make a point that I've been wanting to make but have been too lazy to elaborate into post.

Would you be "financially comfortable in Argentina" if you and your husband were no longer together? Could you be?

I think this is an important question for the OP and other people in her shoes to ask themselves. As has been touched upon many times in this thread, if you have a child here that you are unwilling to abandon, you are effectively condemned to live here for a long time. Considering that possibility you need to really look at what average wages in Argentina look like.

My girlfriend can't believe it when I told her how a highschool friend at 25 years old recently paid a down payment on a several thousand square foot house with a medium size yard in a nice upper-middle class suburb of seattle all while supporting his wife and their newborn. She really couldn't believe it when I told her that he works as a waiter in a highend restaurant where he started busing tables in highschool. A waiter here (or a secretary or a school teacher or a bus driver or a telemarketer or a coffee shop barrista etc etc etc etc etc) will never have the same standard of living as in the US.

Now I'm not saying that there is no money to be made in Argentina or anything of the sort; I'm saying if you were no longer with your significant other, could you be happy here with the money that you could reasonably expect to earn?

I agree, you make a good point for those parents having kids here anywhere, and here especially.
Its also fantastic to have supportive in-laws, but if things go haywire its important to have your own support network which is why if your here for the long haul I would think it important to make an effort to speak the language & make your own friends & network.

 

[robwerwe]

Once we start generalising women, men or children by nationality we can be sure that we have wandered off into the forest of fools.

Yes and no.
I think you can defiantly say there are some difference here and trends to be recognised in the people.
Having said that, its obvious when you meet someone you treat them as an individual.

 

[Dublin2BuenosAires]

Yes and no.
I think you can defiantly say there are some difference here and trends to be recognised in the people.
Having said that, its obvious when you meet someone you treat them as an individual.

I think it's more a case confirmation bias rather than trends, that is of course unless you have experience or behavioural research extending beyond more than a handful of people. Trends would suggest something more than anecdotal experience.

 

[GS_Dirtboy]

If I may offer my experience to this thread, I married my Brazilian wife here only after spending a couple of years in BA. I was 40 when I moved here - 10 years after my "Marriage Based on True Love" failed miserably. I learned a lot from that first experience. It's like buying a new car. I owned a Porche Carrera once. Fell in love with it at the dealer. Plunked my money down (lots of it) and drove away "The Happiest Man in The World." Within 3 months I realized that was the most freaking uncomfortable car I'd ever been in. It became just another engine and 4 wheels. Did I mention what I paid for it? (lol)

Fast forward to the OP's question. My wife is a looker, like a Porche Carrera. But I did a lot of thinking and planning before 1) I moved to Argentina and 2) I married someone here. One of the most important considerations were what if it doesn't work out? What is the exit plan? As many here have said if it doesn't work out, and kids are involved, it can be hell.

 

[French jurist]

Mine has the Mercedes bends, welcome to the...