Argentine women are the only thing I really don't like in Argentina.

[Silvie]

It's pretty amazing how I can spell something out clear as day and people still not understand. I DO NOT expect Argentine women to change in order to accommodate me. Nor am I willing to change to accommodate them. If I personally find a habit inconsiderate, why would I just one day decide to accept it. I am not banging my head against the wall hoping for them to change. 100 percent of the women in this country are not Argentine. I will not be put in jail for not dating an Argentine woman, nor will people throw rocks at me for not dating an Argentine women. If you had a choice between dating someone who's customs are more of a match, and someone who is a complete mismatch, why the shit would you choose the mismatch? This is also not a hate thread on Argentine women. I said from the beginning that according to how I am, Argentine women, or at least porteñas, are the worst match.

Is that clear enough?

Yes, obviously you seem to be a mismatch for Argentine ladies.

 

[Ange]

Another interesting thread that generated great conversation! Poor Secret copped it in the thread, but the title set the tone for a bit of trouble, come on admit it Secret!
Fire out Antipodean pretty please do us a favour and write an Argentina instruction manual!

But there seem to be a drought of female foreigners contributing to the conversation here, so I ll give a try at sharing genuine experience so that others can possibly benefit. Note I said foreigner Alby and not expat!!

I think Argentinian men make fantastic partners. I m currently in a happy long term relationship with an Argentinian man. Incredible patience with emotions, so good with kids and family in general, handsome and comfortable with all things women amongst other things. They sure can be little shits of humans and hard work at times too, but that goes for all of us.

This said and to go back to the topic of the thread, I was going nowhere with Argentinian men playing by the local cultural dating rules. For good and bad, i m an Aussie girl not an Argentinian girl! And I d basically loose what made me ‘special’ by trying to be what i m not and conform to local expectations of dating behaviours which are understandably tailor made to showcase Argentinians.

I obviously agree that it’s importantto identify, understand, respect and adapt to local rules in business, friendship or day to day interactions. But I’d say that that’s not necessarily the case when it comes to dating or intimate relationship because it s not just any relationship. It’s where you should be able to be the most yourself.
What has worked much better for me with Argentinian men was to be myself whilst being aware of how the local dating culture works. For example the extreme importance of harmony with the family, friends, social circle etc in a relationship etc. So to be clear not to impose my foreign self but not to cover it either. To Argentinian men that was resfreshingly different from what they are used to and brought them out of their comfort zone in a good way. That’s what i got told anyway. And in practice Iitchanged my dynamics with Argentinian men for the best.

And if an Argentinian man dates a foreigner, part of it is precisely because he seeks ‘different’. That’s part of the attraction. And bringing different together calls for compromise (*compromise from both parts* of course, let me yellow Stabilo highlight this!!!!). If Argentinian men want complete cultural dating familiarity, they are welcome to try their luck with the 23,490,425 millions (I googled) or so other famously stunning and smart Argentinian ladies out there.

And actually… wouldn’t you say the same goes for Argentinian ladies? Would you think it’s fair to expect a foreign man to behave with you like an Argentinian man would? Would you even want this..?

 

[SecretShopper]

Another interesting thread that generated great conversation! Poor Secret copped it in the thread, but the title set the tone for a bit of trouble, come on admit it Secret!
Fire out Antipodean pretty please do us a favour and write an Argentina instruction manual!

But there seem to be a drought of female foreigners contributing to the conversation here, so I ll give a try at sharing genuine experience so that others can possibly benefit. Note I said foreigner Alby and not expat!!

I think Argentinian men make fantastic partners. I m currently in a happy long term relationship with an Argentinian man. Incredible patience with emotions, so good with kids and family in general, handsome and comfortable with all things women amongst other things. They sure can be little shits of humans and hard work at times too, but that goes for all of us.

This said and to go back to the topic of the thread, I was going nowhere with Argentinian men playing by the local cultural dating rules. For good and bad, i m an Aussie girl not an Argentinian girl! And I d basically loose what made me ‘special’ by trying to be what i m not and conform to local expectations of dating behaviours which are understandably tailor made to showcase Argentinians.

I obviously agree that it’s importantto identify, understand, respect and adapt to local rules in business, friendship or day to day interactions. But I’d say that that’s not necessarily the case when it comes to dating or intimate relationship because it s not just any relationship. It’s where you should be able to be the most yourself.
What has worked much better for me with Argentinian men was to be myself whilst being aware of how the local dating culture works. For example the extreme importance of harmony with the family, friends, social circle etc in a relationship etc. So to be clear not to impose my foreign self but not to cover it either. To Argentinian men that was resfreshingly different from what they are used to and brought them out of their comfort zone in a good way. That’s what i got told anyway. And in practice Iitchanged my dynamics with Argentinian men for the best.

And if an Argentinian man dates a foreigner, part of it is precisely because he seeks ‘different’. That’s part of the attraction. And bringing different together calls for compromise (*compromise from both parts* of course, let me yellow Stabilo highlight this!!!!). If Argentinian men want complete cultural dating familiarity, they are welcome to try their luck with the 23,490,425 millions (I googled) or so other famously stunning and smart Argentinian ladies out there.

And actually… wouldn’t you say the same goes for Argentinian ladies? Would you think it’s fair to expect a foreign man to behave with you like an Argentinian man would? Would you even want this..?

I like you Ange. Sure, part of the reason is because you didn't bring the fire and pitchforks lol. But you're points are valid and they are what people are missing. You reiterated a point I made earlier, that adapting to dating norms is not the same as others like friendship. And a new point you made that is excellent, if someone is talking to a foreigner, they probably should be aware of some cultural differences. This isn't to say they have to change. But maybe they should think a little as to why I completely started ignoring them before they send that angry text message.

 

[Alby]

The text messages weren't angry. You interpret them that way. The women involved would be amazed to discover that you found those messages angry. And no matter how much you tried to explain why, from your perspective, they come across as angry, they will never get understand why you feel that they were and will never agree that they were. And you, in all probability will never agree that they weren't.

This goes to some of the points Antipodean was making. There is a whole subfield of linguistics that studies this phenomenon. It is called pragmatics, politeness theory within that subfield. The particular example we are looking at here is known as pragmatic failure. It occurs between cultures and languages. It is now being studied even more closely now that text messaging has taken over from verbal communication.

When pragmatic failure occurs, and the two parties to it (you and the woman) get into trying, in good faith, to untangle it, often the misunderstanding only deepens, leading to what pragmatics scholars refer to as complementary schismogenisis.

That is what is going on here.

 

[SecretShopper]

The text messages weren't angry. You interpret them that way. The women involved would be amazed to discover that you found those messages angry. And no matter how much you tried to explain why, from your perspective, they come across as angry, they will never get understand why you feel that they were and will never agree that they were. And you, in all probability will never agree that they weren't.

This goes to some of the points Antipodean was making. There is a whole subfield of linguistics that studies this phenomenon. It is called pragmatics, politeness theory within that subfield. The particular example we are looking at here is known as pragmatic failure. It occurs between cultures and languages. It is now being studied even more closely now that text messaging has taken over from verbal communication.

When pragmatic failure occurs, and the two parties to it (you and the woman) get into trying, in good faith, to untangle it, often the misunderstanding only deepens, leading to what pragmatics scholars refer to as complementary schismogenisis.

That is what is going on here.

The ending text messages are actually the least important factor in all of this because they come at a time when I have already decided that I am not going to pursue further. It doesn't matter what the texts said, whether they were angry or not, none of that actually matters. The only things that matter are the events that led up to that. So you are probably 100 percent correct that they weren't angry, even if I interpreted them that way. But that literally changes nothing. It's already game over. Understand?

 

[Ange]

The ending text messages are actually the least important factor in all of this because they come at a time when I have already decided that I am not going to pursue further. It doesn't matter what the texts said, whether they were angry or not, none of that actually matters. The only things that matter are the events that led up to that. So you are probably 100 percent correct that they weren't angry, even if I interpreted them that way. But that literally changes nothing. It's already game over. Understand?

The ending text messages are actually the least important factor in all of this because they come at a time when I have already decided that I am not going to pursue further. It doesn't matter what the texts said, whether they were angry or not, none of that actually matters. The only things that matter are the events that led up to that. So you are probably 100 percent correct that they weren't angry, even if I interpreted them that way. But that literally changes nothing. It's already game over. Understand?

Another way of looking at this would be that Anglo/Northern Europeans tend first give people the benefit of the doubt and trust until proven untrustworthy. And then there’s usually absolutely no second chance.

Whereas Latinos seem to first distrust until proven trustworthy. Which can take forever but once you re in, you re in.
That can definitely affect intercultural romantic relationships. Oh the fun!

Big generalisation based on no science, but i like the sound of it in this case. Thoughts? Perhaps it’s something that could be discussed on the first date? No doubt the Argentinian lady would test you on it for a while, but at least the rules are clearly set.

 

[SecretShopper]

Another way of looking at this would be that Anglo/Northern Europeans tend first give people the benefit of the doubt and trust until proven untrustworthy. And then there’s usually absolutely no second chance.

Whereas Latinos seem to first distrust until proven trustworthy. Which can take forever but once you re in, you re in.
That can definitely affect intercultural romantic relationships. Oh the fun!

Big generalisation based on no science, but i like the sound of it in this case. Thoughts? Perhaps it’s something that could be discussed on the first date? No doubt the Argentinian lady would test you on it for a while, but at least the rules are clearly set.

From my experience I would say that mistrust up-front is not a strong latin cultural thing like it may be in Argentina. But you're correct that Americans, we generally trust first until proven otherwise.

 

[Fiscal]

I have a well documented history of poor experiences on this forum with one particular Argentinian who is the mother of my kids. But putting aside those issues, I have not really noticed any difference in dating here in Buenos Aires compared to a major city in the US, other than that being a foreigner who speaks fluent Spanish here seems to be a slight plus.

 

[ventanilla]

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