DavieW said:
I respect your opinion (everyone's got one!), but I wouldn't necessarily go raining on a happy person's parade (what's the point?).
Who's to say that I was the exception to the rule and you (a person who hasn't found anyone on the internet yet long-term) were not?
Lauren, you've completely missed the point! I'm not raining on your parade at all....I'm extremely happy for you - you've been
exceptionally lucky!
But you are clearly the exception to the rule, especially with regard to match.com.
Who's to say? Me, several hundred personal acquaintances and hundreds of thousands of people who
regularly use these sites. You have absolutely no relevant input to the conversation if you married the first person you met from the site - that's just logic. In fact you're coming across like a paid employee of match.com!
In practical terms, the matching engine on match.com is principally "
oh let's look at photos and see who I fancy", then you have to make a payment before you can contact any of those
always genuine photos (not!). There are far,
far better sites out there.
Personally I think okcupid is amongst the best because of the effort they've made with their matching engine - you can answer several thousand questions (or just a few, it's up to you) and they use an algorithm to give you a percentage match as a 'partner' or 'friend' or 'enemy' as well as tell you if the other person is 'more romantic', 'less confident', 'more political' etc etc etc. Hey, it's not perfect, but instead of meeting someone based entirely on what a (self chosen) photo looks like, you get some idea about the person's personality.
Oh, you're also wrong about me not having found long-term relationships on the internet - I've had 2 that have lasted over 5 years, including the mother of my child. My previous, self-deprecating comment about my 'pathetic' efforts were about my experiences here in Argentina, but as I also pointed out, they have been mainly about
my issues with the cultural differences. Here's an example, so as not to just continue with the theme of "
oh those crazy porteñas" without any evidence:
From okcupid (just to also shoot down my own insistence about how good it is!) I organized a date with a woman who seemed perfect for me - she was age appropriate (difficult when you're my age), educated, well read, a doctor who had recently returned to BsAs after living and working abroad for some years. I didn't ask to see a photo, I prefer to choose first-dates based on anything but the physical. We met for lunch. First surprise - she was beautiful (to my eyes at least), petite, piercingly green eyes and very simply but tastefully dressed. Conversation started off well, we had a lot in common regarding taste in such things as literature, movies and how we like to spend our free time. But then we started to talk about Argentina and BsAs and porteños. I know this is dangerous ground, but it's going to have to be broached some time, so why not on a first date? I mentioned that one thing I was finding it difficult to get used to here was the seemingly ingrained racism. The fact that eg. 'Paraguayan' is used pejoratively, like an insult, meaning 'stupid' or similarly 'Bolivian' to mean 'ugly'. She seemed genuinely shocked and immediately got defensive. Her response was "
No, no, no.....those things are said with affection, it's not racist at all. How can they be racist if it's a fact
that Paraguayans actually aren't
usually very bright and Bolivians/Peruvians really aren't
at all beautiful?" And this is from an educated, well traveled porteña! The conversation got even weirder after that and eventually I couldn't wait to get away.
And this is NOT an isolated incident - I could tell 5 or 6 more stories about first dates with crazies here. I have had some
lovely first dates that have led to second and more dates.....they were
ALL with non-Argentines.
As I've already said, I'm sure this says as much about me as anyone else, but I've lived in 5 different countries on 3 different continents and have never had trouble adapting previously. To be honest, I found Saudi Arabia (where I spent 7 years) a nicer place to live than here.
