being a girl on the subway

laina7

Registered
hi everyone,

i'm from boston, brand new to buenos aires, just got here yesterday :)

i hope it's alright if i skip the intro post and just launch into my question. i was well aware before i came that dealing with aggressive behavior from argentine guys can be a bit of a challenge, but i don't think i was completely prepared.

today i took the subte around 7pm with three friends, two girls and a boy. (i use friends in the more liberal american sense of the word, because we literally met yesterday). anyway, we had to switch lines and we arrived at the second platform just as the train was pulling in, so i sort of sped up to make it because it was pretty crowded. as i was about to board, a guy literally body checks me out of the way to get on the train, and when i recovered he forced his body in front of me so aggressively to board ahead of me that all my weight fell back into my friends. the train was crowded, but everyone fit just fine and we still had an extra ten seconds or so before the doors closed- the aggression was completely unnecessary.

as we started to move, this guy wrestles past a few people until he's right behind me and then pressed his entire body against my back. i tried to play it cool thinking it was just a result of the crowding that can happen anywhere, but this was definitely inappropriate. when i twisted my body so that my hip was facing him, he just grabbed my waist and pulled me into him. i never made eye contact or said anything, and instead just turned around so that i was pressing into the boy traveling with me, and sort of acted flirtatious with him hoping that the other guy would back off.

a few minutes later i could tell he was doing the same thing to one of the girls i was with, and she looked super uncomfortable, so i invited her to squeeze in next to me. a couple of stops later when he'd left and the train was much clearer, i mentioned his behavior to the group and the third girl said he'd rubbed up against her as well AND grabbed her ass.

everyone sort of brushed it off, we're all new here and we're just trying to adjust and roll with the punches. i know it's not a big deal in the grand scheme of things, but it's still getting to me. i think what bothers me most is that he was even more inappropriate with the other girls, and i don't know how well traveled or experienced they are dealing with these kinds of things.

i would love advice from you guys- men or women. i know it's best to ignore suggestive comments in the street and what not, but when someone is literally threatening your physical comfort? what should i have done? is there something i can say in spanish?

sorry this got so long. despite this slightly negative note, i'm so happy to be here. i've been reading this site for a couple of weeks and it's been so helpful in terms of advice and preparation, so i really want to thank everyone.
 

esllou

Registered
have you considered the possibility that you just happened to run into a total mind-blowingly stupid idiot? Plenty of stories on this forum about pickpockets and the like on the subte, haven't seen too much about that type of thing.

a stiletto into the top of his foot would have sorted him out quicksmart. Or the sharp end of an umbrella. :)
 

nikad

Registered
Damn! I lived here all my life and that happened only once on a bus, never again :p How disgusting! The best thing to do it expose him by yelling at him ( now for that you will have to learn a couple of words in Spanish ) but you can just go with " Que haces idiota?? or something of the likes. sorry to hear that was your welcome, but that is not the usual, I have girl friends taking the subway to go to work everyday and they are just fine...
 

laina7

Registered
"Welcome to Argentina" is actually exactly what I said when he left. But that's sort of depressing. Isn't there some way of dealing with it? I am definitely open to the stepping on the foot idea, I like that. Mostly I just didn't like doing nothing.

And no, I didn't consider the idea that this was a rare occurrence. Since this happened on my first full day in the city, and I'd been warned about aggressive guys in general, I just assumed that the women here have dozens of similar stories. Please do correct me if I'm wrong.
 

ReemsterCARP

Registered
Next time a guy tries to do that to you shout to him in the most hysterical fashion possible:

"Dejá de tocarme pelotudo de mierda! Andá a la concha de la re-putísima madre que te re mil parió!"

That should do the trick.

NB: Pardon my French
 

esllou

Registered
nikad said:
Damn! I lived here all my life and that happened only once on a bus, never again :p How disgusting! The best thing to do it expose him by yelling at him ( now for that you will have to learn a couple of words in Spanish ) but you can just go with " Que haces idiota?? or something of the likes. sorry to hear that was your welcome, but that is not the usual, I have girl friends taking the subway to go to work everyday and they are just fine...
yeah, that was my suspicion too. I've been here a year and none of my female friends has mentioned that type of thing happening.

I think you were very unlucky laina.
 

Quentin.Daniels

Registered
I squeeze(not hard but a gentle stroke)girls ass all the time on the subte and have never gotten any other response than a smile, the Argentine girls take this as a complement and its a great starter for a conversation. So keep on squeezing, just stay away from expats :)
 

missveronica

Registered
There a-holes everywhere... Next time, if you dont feel like yelling at him, just move to another wagon (is that the word??)
 

Katser

Registered
that’s a terrible thing to have happen to you so soon after arriving.
My advice for right or wrong would have been to push him away quite forcibly while looking incredibly angry. I find men here to be quite chivalrous on public transport, always offering you a free seat before they take it and what not (I’m in my early 20’s, so don’t expect this at all)
I doubt it will happen to you again but if you make a fuss! This kind of thing is wrong and is a horrible thing to have happen to you. In the UK anyway it is deemed as Sexual Assault, so it is very serious. Not something you should have to put up with!!! Even if you are in a foreign culture.
 
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