Dating in BA

MichaelJr you talk about the wandering as being a great thing, yet in Argentina there's also a ridiculously high use of cosmetic surgery & the highest population of psychologists per capita for any cosmopolitan city.

I think the reason a lot of people's experiences with Argentine women on this forum have been dramatic and explosive is because there's a huge problem with self-esteem in this country. I suspect these women have some major trust issues, and who can blame them if the rate of infidelity is as high as they say.

You say that it is "the most advanced societies" that accept infidelity? Most of the countries where extra-marital affairs are accepted are also usually economically backwards, quickly falling behind or being brought to their knees by internal political corruption. And don't try to show off France as a great example -- a falling birthrate, a health care system that is on it's knees, political scandals, rising racially motivated crime, and a ridiculous amount of labour strikes -- yes sounds like a slice of paradise.

Oh, and I guess since I've posted this that must make me yet another bitter old American feminist. Hmm, considering I'm neither bitter, old, or American. The fact that I want a job that pays me a fair rate, that I think a woman should be able to own property, make her own choices, have all her rights protected etc, well I guess I must be a bra-burning feminist and just never knew it.

 

[karaloy]

I just wanted in on this issue of "faithfulness" and its correlation to societies. Are open relationships related to level of development? I can't help thinking of my conversations with friends from countries including Sudan, Egypt, and Afghanistan. It seems that the less developed the country (by modern, western definitions) the more acceptable polygamy is. An individual's values are not just about where he or she was raised, but much more complexly arranged according to ethics, socio-economic class, attractiveness, experiences, education, etcetera.
I have known Argentines and people of other nationalities to be faithful and not and individuals change over time. Which are you and why is the most important consideration for one's self and his or her partner.

 

[shady]

Having dated an argentine guy this summer here in the states, I have to say it was one of the best experiences of my life. It was wonderful to be treated like well, a woman. His manners were old-world & I loved it. He also was much more open about his feelings (for better & for worse I have no desire to date another american guy after this.
I have to say, I can't imagine why people don't enjoy it more. And on the concept of fidelity - well, I think it's ridiculous to make sweeping generalizations about fidelity or lack there of it. I think it's a case by case situation.

 

[syngirl]

Actually one of the statistics I'd be curious to hear about is whether or not infidelity is on the decline now that divorce is legal? I think in the past when getting a divorce was a bigger ordeal spouses were more likely to stay together but cheat rather than divorce.

 

[shady]

Syn - interesting question. I belive in the States where the divorce rate is now 50%, infidelity is still a huge problem. IMO, a lot of cheaters don't necessarily want a divorce & a lot of divorces aren't caused by cheating. Yes, they can be related but it's not a foregone conclusion....

 

[Marc]

I have recently moved here and live with my Argentine lady. It's an interesting difference between now and what I am accustomed to.Argentine women are very posessive. I know that's a generalisation, but it does seem to be true. I don't find it a problem for me, but I do find myself being slightly more furtive when walking down the street together in the summer and seeing all those pretty girls. Also, I have no problem when a man quite obviously leers at my lady as she is very pretty, as long as it stops there. It surely is a compliment.

 

[Marak5]

MichaelJr you talk about the wandering as being a great thing, yet in Argentina there's also a ridiculously high use of cosmetic surgery & the highest population of psychologists per capita for any cosmopolitan city.

I think the reason a lot of people's experiences with Argentine women on this forum have been dramatic and explosive is because there's a huge problem with self-esteem in this country. I suspect these women have some major trust issues, and who can blame them if the rate of infidelity is as high as they say.

You say that it is "the most advanced societies" that accept infidelity? Most of the countries where extra-marital affairs are accepted are also usually economically backwards, quickly falling behind or being brought to their knees by internal political corruption. And don't try to show off France as a great example -- a falling birthrate, a health care system that is on it's knees, political scandals, rising racially motivated crime, and a ridiculous amount of labour strikes -- yes sounds like a slice of paradise.

Oh, and I guess since I've posted this that must make me yet another bitter old American feminist. Hmm, considering I'm neither bitter, old, or American. The fact that I want a job that pays me a fair rate, that I think a woman should be able to own property, make her own choices, have all her rights protected etc, well I guess I must be a bra-burning feminist and just never knew it.

Let me respond to this (I made the original post)
No, I do do not think wondering is inherently a great thing. I however believe that monogamy goes against human nature and don't think that wandering should necessarily be demonized. It may be a generalization, but rarely have I encounted this philosophy in the USA and I have seen it to be much more common in Argentina. I find Argentina to be much more liberal regarding this issue and sex in general. If you haven't noticed, the main attractions in Recoleta are dozens of sex clubs!!! So these are not statements that I am just throwing out there with no basis in reality.
As far as psychoanalysis goes, I think it is great!! I have had a psychogist for 7 years with no plans of stopping soon. I am very sensitive and open with my feelings and I don't feel that men like me are that accepted in the USA. All of my relationships with women are very fulfilling and I have had very deep connections with them so I am doing something right!!
As far as Argentine women having trust issues, I think that sounds like something Dr Phil would say!! In my opinion American (or wester) women are programmed to have all these weird psuedo psychological theories about male/female relationships that are very bizarre. American feminism teaches us that, all women are victims. And you see these women as having trust issues and victims of infertility! Which is just the type of stuff that I have been hearing my whole life and so sick of and another reason I would like to move to Argentina full time.
As far as France goes, I find the french to be some of the most sophisticated around. All the problems you cited are prevalent in the USA also (declining birth rate, racial tension). But all in all, I find the French the typical French person light years ahead of the typical person in the USA.
The thing is, I agree that men and women should be equal. However most western women seem to want a society that completely caters to all the whims of women. Men are second class citizens in the USA these days! When all else is held equal (the type of career chosen, and experience - which differs as women drop out of the work force and have children) men in the USA make less than women for the same work!! Yet in Universities all accross the country students are taught that there is still widespread discrimination in the work force against women!
Hope this helps...

 

[bigbadwolf]

I feel diffident posting to this thread as feelings are being discussed, and I mostly don't have them; I fear to barge in where angels fear to tread. In the realm of relationships, comparing, say, Argentina with the US is like comparing oranges with apples.
The US is a mercantile society, and this affects interpersonal relationships: these tend to be pragmatic and often both parties know all too clearly what they're putting in and what they're getting out of it -- just like a commercial transaction. Argentina -- well, Buenos Aires at least -- is different. From my albeit limited experience, the lowest coin in the interpersonal realm seems to be "love," and not acquaintance or friendship. A number of times have I seen one Porteno declare his or her eternal "love" for a person they hardly know. Often that person is a well-heeled foreigner with no prepossessing qualities, and were I not so naive and credulous, I might suspect ulterior motives.
This lack of knowledge of the other person, and of themselves (critical introspection is not an Argentine strength, notwithstanding all the psychoanalysis they go through) sets Argentines (well, Portenos) up for a fall. These "relationships" will probably not succeed; they lack proper foundations in compatibility and shared interests. One other factor I should also mention is the economically fragile and uncertain lives so many Portenos endure. These would test even solid relationships; "love" doesn't endure long amidst dust and shattered dreams.
In less serious vein, I might suggest a book, titled, "Kiss and Tango: Looking for Love in Buenos Aires," by Marina Palmer, which describes the experiences of one young American woman in Buenos Aires. (I don't recommend the book, but it may strike a chord with some of the readers here.)

 

[durazno]

I have been here for 9 months now and I have to say that I am appalled by Argie men. I laugh when my friends back home assume that I have a Latin Lover. I ve only had sex once in those 9 months here and it put me off big time.
Why do I think they are worthless? The type of men I have come across at various events, whether sports, private parties or the hellholes called After Office:
1. Married and bored of their marriage and wanting a quickie with a single girl and then have the nerve to say that it is better than being single with no sex at all.
2. Complete and utter liars. I have yet to find a guy who is "honest".
3. Infantile. It appears that living with their parents after the age of 25 has this effect.
4. Complete nerds who live with their mothers at the tender age of 40 and wonder why they can t bag a girlfriend.
5. Wanting sex immediately without bothering to take you out on at least one date so let s add stingy to the category of men.
Would be interested to hear other people s views on this. For the record, I am an attractive early thirties female who is looking for someone who is honest, decent and generally a gentleman.

 

[Matty]

Durazno's response confirms that...lots of truth are told in jest. Thanks for the good post. I needed a good smile with all the news on TV and radio. Welcome!