Is It Possible To Find Love In Argentina?

Steve,
I'm sorry you had to go thru all that,i'm not wise enough to give advice but in my case what i use as a rule of thumb and never failed me is ,as soon as things start flying towards me because of a heated discussion that's when i know it's time rethink the relationship.The key is not let it get to that point,however,there are people out there that don't show their true colors for a while and they are able to hide who they really are.
To me a lie is reason enough to let her go.If you start a new relationship based on lies,nothing good will ever come out of it if you are a guy that is honest with your partner,i see no reason for the other person to lie,so if from the get go she's not honest with you,what do you think is gonna happen down the road?
I'm not blaming you for what happened to you but as soon as you knew she was not being honest about her age,that should've set some alarms off
And i know most women will hate me for saying this but in reality there can be only one rooster per hen house and she ain't it.
 
To be fair though, up using the computer after a first night of passion? Can't have been that great a night of pleasure. She should've run a mile...

Have you considered the possibility that it might be "unfair" (actually, unwarranted) for you to draw the conclusion that there was any passion that first night or for you to say that she "should've" run a mile without knowing more about what actually happened?

Since this isn't the "heart" of my synopsis and the retired tango dancer is a minor character in my Argentine story, I'll go ahead and fill in some blanks here. Then you can decide who should have run...and when.

The first night we slept together was on our second date, but we only met for the first time the night before. After spending all day Sunday in Tigre (where she was buying an apartment), she fell asleep in the bed while we were watching a movie in the bedroom in my temporary apartment (because that's where the TV was located). She agreed to watch the movie (Two For The Road) on the bed with me when I promised (without her asking) to be a gentleman. Perhaps she should have run a mile because of that!

She did not respond when I tried to wake her about midnight to remind her that the next day was a work day and it was time for her to go back to her parent's apartment. I'll never know for sure if she was sleeping or not. She was still fully dressed in the casual clothes she had been wearing on Sunday. I knew she would have to return to her parents' apartment to change prior to going to the office in the morning.

She was still sleeping (or still pretending to be asleep) when I got up and turned on the computeri n the morning because that's where my 5000 song itunes library is and I wanted to play some music rather than turn on the TV and watch CNN (which is what I would have done if I had been alone). This was not an occasion that called for breakfast in bed or for me to rush out and buy roses and champagne. I wasn't actually "using the computer" while she was still in bed and I did not consider us a "couple" at that point...though I would soon realize that she did, prior to any intimate contact whatsoever.

After starting my laptop I went back to the bed to "wake" her as gently as possible. Before I could do so she heard the Windows chimes, "woke up" and instantly began her first dramatic scene. It was still early enough for her to get home to change but I soon realized she had no intention of leaving in time to be at work when she should have.

She did not ask me why I turned on the computer, she just started crying. It took ten minutes to even begin to get an answer out of her. I ended up consoling her for several hours, including holding a cool washcloth to her forehead as she told me the story of her (allegedly) alcoholic boyfriend from Chicago who spent all day on the computer and treated her like a hostage.She had told me a little about him on Sunday in Tigre while we were looking at houses for sale: She said he backed out of buying a condo "with" her at the last minute and returned to Chicago to live. She went to Chicago to live with him but returned to Argentina after she discovered that he didn't have any money or own any property (a gold digger's nightmare).

I did not realize that, on a Monday morning less than two weeks after my arrival in Argentina, I was witnessing the first of many tearful scenes which she was able to turn on and off at the drop of a hat (or the second I said anything she did not like or do anything for which she had not granted prior approval). Most of these scenes were based upon my failure to comply with demands she made based upon lies she had told me. It didn’t matter if we were in a restaurant or talking on the phone. She could turn on the tears as easily and as fast as any of us can turn on a faucet.

At first I wasn't sure when she was lying, but I had enough doubts to keep me from doing anything stupid (like transferring a large sum of money to her lawyer or including he name on the title to any property I would buy). She was not only upset (to the point of tears when she discovered that I made an offer to buy a house in Tigre while she was in Spain (after knowing her for less than three weeks), she was unable to control her temper and actually struck me for the first time.

Eventually, I would discover that a great deal of what she said was fabricated or imagined, including a heart condition. I insisted that she wear a portable heart monitor for 24 hours, and the results were negative. There was one thing she told me that actually kept me from running a mile when I should have: She told me that I would be arrested and deported if I did not comply with her instructions.

As a foreigner in Argentina this was not a "threat" I took lightly and it took a while for me to realize that it was a lot of hot air. Fortunately, in July of 2006, I also discovered this website. My first post ever was a question asking if I could get a DNI with a tourist visa. There were just over 550 members then, but the answer came back quickly: NO! I made the mistake of telling "her" that I found this site and was asking questions of other foreigners. Her reaction was negative, to say the least. She told me that I could not trust anyone in Argentina (unless they had her stamp of approval, of course).

I was also in this forum that I was advised NOT to put her name on the deed of any property I bought. She had told me that I needed an Argentine partner, which of course was false. She tearfully asked me “Where is my guarantee?” when I told her I would not do it. That was the night she lapsed into the coma during her most hysterical and second violent tirade.

I “should’ve” run a mile (about the distance from her apartment in Tigre to the train station) much sooner than I actually did...a couple months later...when she was violent for the third and final time.
 
Have you considered the possibility that it might be "unfair" (actually, unwarranted) for you to draw the conclusion that there was any passion that first night or for you to say that she "should've" run a mile without knowing more about what actually happened?

Since this isn't the "heart" of my synopsis and the retired tango dancer is a minor character in my Argentine story, I'll go ahead and fill in some blanks here. Then you can decide who should have run...and when.

The first night we slept together was on our second date, but we only met for the first time the night before. After spending all day Sunday in Tigre (where she was buying an apartment), she fell asleep in the bed while we were watching a movie in the bedroom in my temporary apartment (because that's where the TV was located). She agreed to watch the movie (Two For The Road) on the bed with me when I promised (without her asking) to be a gentleman. Perhaps she should have run a mile because of that!

She did not respond when I tried to wake her about midnight to remind her that the next day was a work day and it was time for her to go back to her parent's apartment. I'll never know for sure if she was sleeping or not. She was still fully dressed in the casual clothes she had been wearing on Sunday. I knew she would have to return to her parents' apartment to change prior to going to the office in the morning.

She was still sleeping (or still pretending to be asleep) when I got up and turned on the computeri n the morning because that's where my 5000 song itunes library is and I wanted to play some music rather than turn on the TV and watch CNN (which is what I would have done if I had been alone). This was not an occasion that called for breakfast in bed or for me to rush out and buy roses and champagne. I wasn't actually "using the computer" while she was still in bed and I did not consider us a "couple" at that point...though I would soon realize that she did, prior to any intimate contact whatsoever.

After starting my laptop I went back to the bed to "wake" her as gently as possible. Before I could do so she heard the Windows chimes, "woke up" and instantly began her first dramatic scene. It was still early enough for her to get home to change but I soon realized she had no intention of leaving in time to be at work when she should have.

She did not ask me why I turned on the computer, she just started crying. It took ten minutes to even begin to get an answer out of her. I ended up consoling her for several hours, including holding a cool washcloth to her forehead as she told me the story of her (alleged) alcoholic boyfriend from Chicago who spent all day on the computer and treated her like a hostage.She had told a little about him on Sunday in Tigre while we were looking at houses for sale: She said he backed out of buying a condo "with" her at the last minute and returned to Chicago to live. She went to Chicago to live with him but returned to Argentina after she discovered that he didn't have any money or own any property (a gold digger's nightmare).

I did not realize it on that Monday morning, less than two weeks after my arrival in Argentina, that I was witnessing the first of many tearful scenes which she was able to turn on and off at the drop of a hat (or the second I said anything she did not like or do anything for which she had not granted prior approval). Most of these scenes were based upon my failure to comply with demands she made based upon lies she had told me. It didn’t matter if we were in a restaurant or talking on the phone. She could turn on the tears as easily and as fast as any of us can turn on a faucet.

At first I wasn't sure when she was lying, but I had enough doubts to keep me from doing anything stupid (like transferring a large sum of money to her lawyer or including he name on the title to any property I would buy). She was not only upset (to the point of tears when she discoveed that I made an offer to buy a house in Tigre while she was in Spain (after knowing her for less than three weeks), she was unable to control her temper and actually struck me for the first time.

Eventually, I would discover that a great deal of what she said was fabricated or imagined, including a heart condition. I insisted that she wear a portable heart monitor for 24 hours, and the results were negative. There was one thing she told me that actually kept me from running a mile when I should have: She told me that I would be arrested and deported if I did not comply with her instructions.

As a foreigner in Argentina this was not a "threat" I took lightly and it took a while for me to realize that it was a lot of hot air. Fortunately, in July of 2006, I also discovered this website. My first post ever was a question asking if I could get a DNI with a tourist visa. There were just over 550 members then, but the answer came back quickly: NO!

I was also in this forum that I was advised NOT to put her name on the deed of any property I bought. She had told me that I needed an Argentine partner, which of course was false. She tearfully asked me “Where is my guarantee?” when I told her I would not do it. That was the night she lapsed into the coma during one of her most hysterical and the first of her violent tirades.

I “should’ve” run a mile (about the distance from her apartment in Tigre to the train station) much sooner than I actually did...a couple months later...when she was violent for the third and final time.

Well, Ayn did always have a temper: http://books.google.com/books?id=Fk99rSkg-vkC&pg=PA21&lpg=PA21&dq=%22ayn+rand%22+temper&source=bl&ots=zCH127PICx&sig=vssK2vSuGPVulrm0BU5j6ww1qLA&hl=en&sa=X&ei=vEFHU7WFLoHCywGPv4G4Dw&ved=0CDYQ6AEwAw#v=onepage&q=%22ayn%20rand%22%20temper&f=false
 
That's a really bad sign when she starts trying to tell you what to do before you've even played hide the sausage.
 
Steve, you say these women were not mentally ill, but going by what you have written here and in the past about the first one, I would say she absolutely was. I'm no phD or mental health professional so take what I say with a big grain of salt since I'm obviously not qualified to make any sort of diagnosis, but I have had people in my life who were diagnosed with personality disorders and they are more common than one might think. Out of respect to these people I won't get into more details, but yeah, it's very confusing and painful when you are clueless as to what is causing their extreme and totally unwarranted behavior. Genetics and environmental factors play a role. Some are more common than others, and some are seen more in women while others are seen more in men. Perhaps if you search for the DSM criteria for borderline personality disorder, narcissistic personality disorder, histrionic personality disorder or even antisocial personality disorder (the rare true sociopath) you might recognize the bullet points. May even help with the screenplay. ;)

I just Googled "trastornos de personalidad tratamiento Buenos Aires" because I just love torturing myself and found some ridiculous article in La Nación with interviewed "professionals" spouting a bunch of nonsense about how rising rates of borderline personality disorder have to do with postmodernity and women suffer more because of those pesky hormones. The actual list of potential causes accepted by the rest of the world isn't mentioned until halfway through the article. So one can imagine that with all the Freudian/Lacanian psychoanalytical NONSENSE that grips the mental health community in Argentina, few people are really getting help, even those who seek it out.

You were physically and emotionally abused, and there is no excuse for that kind of behavior whether the person suffers from mental illness or not.

If I may suggest, the actual personality disorder patients are much rarer in a general population and even in a psychiatric practice than one may think. What frequently happens is that extreme or unsafe behaviour which is so prevalent in that population - but also common across spectrum of disorders and types of people in life as such - is used to 'diagnose' and 'explain' but it is not fair nor helpful.... What Steve described, the abusive, violent and unsafe behaviour after 1 mo of knowing - that is more really unhealthy relationships and learned behaviours and desperation for a relationship/confidence and values type of thing... Meaning, dont' look for diagnoses - it's society, famiies, and likely lots of dysfunctional families and children developing these behaviours as they try to cope with that growing up... IE personality d-o is about an individual. 'hysteria' stuffis about enmeshment and desperate need for attachment - here, now, with anyone...
 
I say no for finding it here because people lack/have traits I can't stand: incompatance, ineptitude, loud/yelling/dramatic, no importance put on time, poor planning (I'm guilty of this re: moving here but that's 1 thing) and apathy.

I found love and happiness once in my life so I do believe in it, but I honestly do believe everyone has their one true (requited) love, and I think many (my self included) will/have settled because of whatever reason they can't be with this person.

That's my take response to the question. Those of you that have it, treasure it, those of us that don't, I'm afraid I can't give any advise as I myself am destined for settling. Maybe I should become a nun...

Facebook relationship status: Dying alone with cats.
 
Yes. I'm a feminist American young woman that met a lot of guys in Argentina whose attitudes I couldn't stand. They treated me like an object, or like a future child-bearer, whose opinions were lesser and whose true self didn't matter...I didn't feel validated, special, or anything, and that's the case with a lot of guys there, because that's how it comes off to me, and I'm not used to it. However, if you're not feeling it from the majority of guys you meet, don't worry--you will attract the type of people you seek. I found, on accident--I wasn't looking--a guy that I am now head over heels for. We have a personal relationship, and it is long-distance, so not based on just the physical, and it feels like any fulfilling relationship that I've had in America with American guys...he is Chilean, but idk if that's what it is...I think there is an intelligence factor, and a family factor...he was not spoiled, he's had to be highly independent, those are things similar to American culture--whereas a lot of Argentinian guys live at home and haven't had to be very independent, they have very loving relationships with their parents, which of course is good, but it doesn't harden them or mature them as fast...which is what us yankees are used to, Idk if that's good or bad...either way, vas a encontrar de todo alla, no te preocupes. Likely in the more city, urban areas you will find more guys, well you'll have a larger selection, and they are a bit more modern beliefs-wise..
 
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