A few Communist jokes I grew up with (and seem to remember)
What’s colder than cold water? Hot water.
When leaving for Moscow, a Romanian astronaut writes a note to his mother: “I’m off to the Moon. Be back in a week”. When he returns, he finds a note from his mother: “I’m going to buy cheese. Don’t know when I’ll be back”.
A woman goes into a shop and finds empty shelves. She says to the shopkeeper "I see you haven't got any cheese". The shopkeeper says "No, we're the shop without meat, the shop without cheese is across the road".
Communism, Socialism and Capitalism have set a meeting. Socialism is late, but arrives in the end, all crumpled and worn out, and apologizes: “Terribly sorry, but I’ve had to line up to buy some meat”.
Capitalism asks: “What do you mean, LINE UP?”
Communism asks: “What do you mean, MEAT?”
Two guys talking in early March 1984. One says: “On the 1st of May, they want absolutely everybody to parade on the streets for Labor Day”. The other replies: “Nope, they just want to know how many of us have survived the last winter”.
The 7 wonders of Communism:
1. Everybody had a job.
2. Although everybody had a job, nobody was working.
3. Although nobody was working, the Party’s objectives were met at least 100%.
4. Although objectives were met at least 100%, you couldn’t buy a thing.
5. Although you couldn’t buy a thing, we had everything.
6. Although we had everything, everyone was stealing.
7. Although everyone was stealing, nothing was ever missing.
Two old men sitting on a bench in a park. “Lousy weather”, says one of them. “Oh, you’re right, screw the bloody Communists”, answers the other.
Ceausescu and his people get on a train and head towards Communism. After a while, they run out of electricity and switch to a steam locomotive. Then they run of out coal and begin to burn the wooden crossbeams around them until none are left. And then they burn every tree in every forest in the country. The train stops for lack of fuel, so they begin to burn their own clothes until they’re left naked in the middle of nowhere. At that point, someone from the crowd asks coyly: “Are we yet very far from Communism, comrade?” And the answer comes: “No, comrade, we’re there alright”.
TASS (Telegraph Agency of the Soviet Union) reports: “Two agricultural aircrafts were dropping pesticides over a kolkhoz close to the border with China. Two Chinese tanks opened fire without warning. The aircrafts retaliated and the Chinese tanks were destroyed”.
New China News Agency reports: “Two tractors were engaged in springtime sowing activities in an area close to the border with the Soviet Union. Two Soviet planes opened fire on them out of the blue. The tractors retaliated and the planes were wiped off the sky”.
Romanian News Agency reports: An impassioned symposium dedicated to agricultural progress was held recently at the fraternal border between China and the Soviet Union.
