Making Friends at Work---HARD

[ellbee]

I think he/she is smart enough to find that out about themselves if they have a problem.
i do believe its just cultural...

i've had a hard time making friends with argentineans....if i didnt know the language, i would be extremely shy to actually speak it. it happened to me when i lived in france. i don't think i need to be analyze by a shrink.

i think the people who think that way SHOULD be analyze by a shrink for not being understanding of other's needs.....people like that are not sensible which its quite sad.

Not really. Okay, maybe a little. But if the OP does find it hard to talk to people generally then that is a personal issue rather than a BA one, and if it's affecting their social life is something to address longer term.

 

[deeve007]

I think he/she is smart enough to find that out about themselves if they have a problem.
i do believe its just cultural...

"I can't seem to make myself ask them for a drink after work or to meet up"

That doesn't sound cultural, it sounds personal.

 

[citymike]

Go to Gibraltar, I can't stop people talking to me. I've tried pretty much everything but they keep on annoying me. And they do go on, and on, and on. I had one 21 year old woman tell me that she was just desperate for me to ravage her finely honed, large breasted and svelte frame but by the time she stopped talking about it I was fast asleep in the corner. I know someone who went there one time who was offered free drinks and free sex all night, although I must say that she was very attractive ;-)

 

[ellbee]

if you know so much, why don't you help them instead of criticize or act like a smarty pants by putting them down or pointing out that they have a problems.

i think you should start learning how to be nicer.

"I can't seem to make myself ask them for a drink after work or to meet up"

That doesn't sound cultural, it sounds personal.

 

[MizzMarr]

bmagda, just give yourself a little time and you'll be fine. Usually workplaces might be a bit slow to warm up, but there are "after office" gatherings, etc., that should put you in a more social context with your co-workers. Just keep talking and don't worry about making mistakes in Spanish, the effort counts for a lot more than accuracy. Best of luck!

 

[deeve007]

if you know so much, why don't you help them instead of criticize or act like a smarty pants by putting them down or pointing out that they have a problems.

i think you should start learning how to be nicer.

It's got nothing to do with not "being nice", and I didn't put anyone down. If you'd like to point out where I have then please do so.

The "recommendations for a psychotherapist" wasn't my comment in case you've forgotten. The question whether it was a cultural or person issue is relevant. The OP doesn't need to answer it if they don't want, but it is a relevant thing for them to think about in this situation. And I certainly don't think there's anything "wrong" if someone needs some form of help to gain the confidence to speak with people, make friends ...etc. I can speak from personal experience, albeit a long time ago. Thankfully I had a loving step-mother who helped me, plus 5 years of backpacking around the world in my 20s which got me out of my introversion.

So perhaps you could avoid the "smarty pants" name calling until properly informed, or indeed actual warranted? The "being nice" thing works both ways.

 

[skitch patterson]

I really wish this thread title didn't have the dashes before the word "hard". It would make for fascinatingly titillating conversation.

 

[edzeppe]

I assumed this thread was going to be about Ke$ha. Color me disappointed.

 

[hepdoll]

What MizzMarr said. Give it time, you're brand new. I can tell you from experience: as you settle in and you all get to know each other, those things will come up naturally. Someone will suggest an after-office, or include you in going out to lunch, or you will feel more comfortable about bringing it up. But it just takes a little time for the brand-newness to wear off.

 

[Kirst]

Copy of original message:
i've had a hard time making friends with argentineans....if i didnt know the language, i would be extremely shy to actually speak it. it happened to me when i lived in france. i don't think i need to be analyze by a shrink.

i think the people who think that way SHOULD be analyze by a shrink for not being understanding of other's needs.....people like that are not sensible which its quite sad.[/quote]

Reply: I have had no problems making Argentine friends here. By contrast, after 4 years in France, it is thee most difficult country to make friends! women hate other women and men are not allowed any female friends! I have made far more friends here in a year and a half than 4 years in France. I also used to think it was me but I have some friends who have moved to France who are very sociable and outgoing people whi are fluent. They tell me they find it so hard to make friends in France.

Argy's are so interested in foreigners and are genuinely curious about people from another country. I only have positive experiences here!!!