Who is Stayin Alive?

[on the brink]

Sorry to have to ask a nasty question, but is Fiscal positive the child is his?

 

[Fiscal]

Sorry to have to ask a nasty question, but is Fiscal positive the child is his?

My best friend has asked me that multiple times. I've thought about it as well. I am half Asian, and the child looks very Asian, whereas the mother looks like she could have been from Germany -- blonde, blue-eyed, light features. So, unless she slept with another Asian guy in her pueblo before she came to the US to meet me, it is probably mine.

 

[EL_TIGRE_de_Tigre]

FISCAL - You are a competent detective!

 

[Rich One]

My best friend has asked me that multiple times. I've thought about it as well. I am half Asian, and the child looks very Asian, whereas the mother looks like she could have been from Germany -- blonde, blue-eyed, light features. So, unless she slept with another Asian guy in her pueblo before she came to the US to meet me, it is probably mine.

Only DNA will tell

 

[mmoon]

Women = Emotions / Men = Money (Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus!)

Not so amazing how the conversation has turned to one of financial compensation. I am not saying the discussion is wrong or inappropriate, I am just marveling at it all. (With no satisfaction I may add, because FISCAL's situation is a sad one that repeats itself thousands of times each day around the world.)

I see this as very sad for us as a species. We have a very long way to go. Hopefully one day, we can evolve, regardless of gender, to not focus on "pockets" of a problem via our gender specific pre disposition of viewing it all.

Back to the topic ... for which I intended to comment:

FISCAL - Again, you are receiving a lot of advice, and I am guilty as well, because mine is about to follow:

Based upon all you have shared with us, it would be my guess that the mother of your son would be unhappy with any child support agreement you arrived at. (Mind you, this is with only one side of the story, as I am sure her side, which we do not know, would influence us ... perhaps in another direction.) But, based upon what we know, you have painted her as unreasonable in nature, so I am going to go with it.

One can view this in two different ways. The first, picking a number you shared ... $1,500 per month ... In Argentina, that is a lot of money. With that sum, there is zero incentive to work. That would be quite an accomplishment for the mother of your child. (Herein after referred to as TMOYC!)

With $1.5K per month, this woman can relax, live her life without the need to work and raise a child. On the surface, that would be best. As long as you can do it without resentment, because I have to believe when a person finds themselves in a situation of a sound, guaranteed income, there will be temptations to allocate some of the money for unintended purposes ... ie personal enjoyment. BUT - That is the way it goes. And I am guessing you would never know about this, because you would be geographically far removed from her. And in the end, she will view you as a dummy for your generosity.

The second, is to "tighten up" the amount to a lesser number. And to do that, may or may not be correct. But in doing so, it obviously places some pressure / responsibility on the shoulders of TMOYC to partially provide for herself and your son. In a situation like this .. you still lose, because she will view you as a cheapskate. And when she views you like this, she will definitely poison your child's mind against you.

So, as I stated in an earlier post of mine ... no matter what you do, which way you go ... YOU CANNOT WIN. Or better put, (Because I am not sure you are trying to win anything here ...) you cannot come out of this situation in any positive light or condition. And that is because of the mindset / point of view with who you appear to be working with.

Given all that I have said ...

I urge you to just accept it all, set it aside and focus on the well being of your child. Do the right thing for the child's best interest. Keep the arguing and disagreement with TMOYC in you mind ... don't participate in it. Take the high road with no friction. Let her win the battles and the war with respect to the relationship, for it is lost already. Just try to save your relationship with your son. If you truly love your child, and I think you do, you need to interact with his mom along the way. It will be challenging most of the time, but it will make you a better person. And it will give you the best chance to be part of your son's life.

Right now, you are in this for you son's sake. Stay focused on him and his needs. And remember that in helping him, the mother will benefit, but don't take it badly ... show courage. Be calm.

I can't share anymore now or in future ...that basically sums it up and without something new, my advice wouldn't change.

Best wishes to you and your son.

100% agree. Great perspective and sound advice. She sounds like she has nothing but time to fight you for money and blame. Just let it go and think of your kid and having a good relationship with him. It does take two to tango, so get off the dance floor.

 

[on the brink]

Sadly, when it comes to the child she has all the cards. She can "teach him" to hate you or not, depending on her mood, regardless of what you do for her.

I would give her an allowance I feel comfortable with, and follow up with regular visits and gifts to the boy. Keep in mind that skilled professionals - mechanical engineers, architects, or branch bank managers, make about thirteen hundred dollars a month in Argentina. And they pay taxes on that.

If you give her a good allowance by local standards - let's say, under a thousand dollars a month - there's always margin for supplementing it if you feel she's spending it on herself and her family, and not the child. Even better, give her a lower allowance and specify that you will directly pay the school's tuition. That way you make sure he goes to a better school, and gets a good start in life. In Argentina, the school you attend determines your future place in society.

This would be only until he's eighteen, as the state university system is free and quite good.

Sorry to interfere so much, but by your posts it is plain to see that you are a good man caught in a bad situation, and I want to help, if possible. Best of luck....!

 

[Pierre Smith]

I mean, I get this thinking, and definitely this is something Fiscal should threaten but, in the end, you want the kid to grow up in a nice flat, with all the luxuries, and don't want him to be poor or exposed to poor kids. I don't have kids, but it seems to me to be a pretty important thing, if you did have one, would be to make sure that it grew up well. Who cares if the wife gets to live well too - she's taking care of this kid.

 

[on the brink]

I mean, I get this thinking, and definitely this is something Fiscal should threaten but, in the end, you want the kid to grow up in a nice flat, with all the luxuries, and don't want him to be poor or exposed to poor kids. I don't have kids, but it seems to me to be a pretty important thing, if you did have one, would be to make sure that it grew up well. Who cares if the wife gets to live well too - she's taking care of this kid.

Problem is, often they the ex-wives take care of themselves and of their whole family, and the child goes begging. I've seen this happen time and time again. That's why it is so important to pay for vital things like schooling directly.

If the wife comes from a "poor" family, that will be the world he grows up in, no matter how generous the allowance. In Argentina, family is destiny - school is his only way out.

Having said that, there's poor in money terms - not necessarily bad - and poor in terms of values - which is hopeless. Country folks are often poor in material things, but rich in good values. Some of the best people I met in Uruguay are my farm caretakers: a sterling family of country-bred people, decent, smart,
and principled - a joy to have around. Any child brought up by them would have a good start - add a chance of good schooling, and he'd be set for life.

 

[Fiscal]

Wife is from a middle class family from a small town. Two story house with a pool, two cars, maid that comes every day, had a nanny growing up, two vacations a year etc

 

[Redpossum]

Wife is from a middle class family from a small town. Two story house with a pool, two cars, maid that comes every day, had a nanny growing up, two vacations a year etc

In this country, that's upper middle class, la burgesía.