Women Who've Made A Home Here For Love

[nikad]

Reading, witnessing, and experiencing, conclusion: Argentinian men are much better then Argentinian women.

Not really, but the thread was aimed to expat women

 

[Jaredberryman]

Reading, witnessing, and experiencing, conclusion: Argentinian men are much better then Argentinian women.

It's hard to make such generalized statements. In general, my experience has been the other way around (with obvious exceptions, in GENERAL). I'm married to an incredibly beautiful woman who, if she has a tough personality, is very loving and takes special care of our family. I see lots of women here who are incredibly beautiful, intelligent, independent, fun, and don't care about the size of a guy's wallet, looking for a lasting relationship. However, with guys, I see guys that live with their mommy and daddy until they are 30 and are still waited on hand and foot by mommy. So when they finally grow up and get married, and move in with their wife, they expect the same thing from their wife. And then guys here cheat around constantly, waste their money, party, and are often incredibly immature in every facet of life. I've met plenty of exceptions to that "rule" but, personally, if I had to choose I would rather my daughter marry a U.S. citizen one day.

 

[Dublin2BuenosAires]

Once we start generalising women, men or children by nationality we can be sure that we have wandered off into the forest of fools.

 

[lucha54]

I can tell that you are a classy dude. I hope that your son/daughter never finds out how you refer to his/her mother.

I was incredibly offended by that too!!! No matter how badly a person has treated you, to refer to them as a 'cum dumpster' says WAY more about the person saying that than the person being referred to!

But I wanted to add that there are a-holes in all countries, not just Argentina. Baby-daddies abandoning their family after 1 month, lecherous women sucking their ex-husbands dry on alimony. So I think we should re-direct this conversation towards committing to stay in ARGENTINA with your significant other, not all the relationship problems that people have had with their Argy partners.

 

[IABhutto]

Once we start generalising women, men or children by nationality we can be sure that we have wandered off into the forest of fools.

Fair enough, but when I worte, Argies men are much better than Argies women, I didn't say they are bad, having said that, Good and bad people are in every Nationality. My thought was based upon my personal experience which might be completely wrong.

 

[trennod]

Certainly an interesting thread.

I have been with my Argentine gf for 3 years (2 here) and we are planning to move to Australia at the end of the year, thinking at this moment it probably holds a better future for us and kids (when we have them).

But, if the situation didnt allow it and if I had to stay here for us to be with her, I would.

I know how tight families are here, but if my partner wasnt willing to move because of her family and put them first, I am not sure I would be with her.

 

[Gringoboy]

I've lost count of the separated Argentine friends or acquaintances that have serious issues with visitation and or travel permission.
This includes us, so I'm talking from experience.
On one occasion we were asked by her ex to provide a detailed itinerary for our and her son's planned trip to the UK, which had to include names, addresses, dates and phone numbers.
For whatever reason, we never did the trip (2007) and from the date I arrived on the scene (2005), he has refused permission even for a kayak trip to Colonia.
A bit like, why does a dog lick its balls: because it can.

 

[allcraz]

Well, I could go on and on, but I'm pretty sure my story is already on here somewhere. For the OP: I came here in 2007 when I was 23. Definitely wasn't looking for love, but life happens. Met my future husband (Argentine) that same year. A lot like Lauren's story, really. Fast forward and we have been married 3 years and have a 4 month old. It was a huge decision (getting married and knowing I would stay because like yours, he/we have no plans to move to the U.S.), but to repeat any aforementioned cheesiness, I also believe love can conquer all in the end, and if at any point you feel your love can't, then it's best to cut your losses and move on. Because it's a HUGE huge decision. The only way I can tell you how I decided in the end is that it felt right (and fortunately still does). My heart made the decision...not my mind. I, like others have stated, know that I will be here for the next however many years no matter what happens. I go home about once a year but see my parents more often than that because they either come down here or we have met in the middle on one occasion. The 4 most important things that have made this life choice SO much easier:

1) My family has never given me a guilt trip about my decision. They support me emotionally and believe we have a good life here.
2) My husband has an amazing family that I am very close to - I don't know if I would be here if not for them. One way or another I always knew I would want family nearby, especially since I knew we planned on having children (and not for babysitting purposes).
3) We are financially comfortable in Argentina.
4) I have made it a point to become fluent and show interest in the culture and focus on the things I like about the country (VERY important when you talk about feeling like an "outsider" as you mentioned).

 

[PhilipDT]

The 3 most important things that have made this life choice SO much easier:

.......
3) We are financially comfortable in Argentina.

I'm glad you made this post because it allows me to succinctly make a point that I've been wanting to make but have been too lazy to elaborate into post.

Would you be "financially comfortable in Argentina" if you and your husband were no longer together? Could you be?

I think this is an important question for the OP and other people in her shoes to ask themselves. As has been touched upon many times in this thread, if you have a child here that you are unwilling to abandon, you are effectively condemned to live here for a long time. Considering that possibility you need to really look at what average wages in Argentina look like.

My girlfriend can't believe it when I told her how a highschool friend at 25 years old recently paid a down payment on a several thousand square foot house with a medium size yard in a nice upper-middle class suburb of seattle all while supporting his wife and their newborn. She really couldn't believe it when I told her that he works as a waiter in a highend restaurant where he started busing tables in highschool. A waiter here (or a secretary or a school teacher or a bus driver or a telemarketer or a coffee shop barrista etc etc etc etc etc) will never have the same standard of living as in the US.

Now I'm not saying that there is no money to be made in Argentina or anything of the sort; I'm saying if you were no longer with your significant other, could you be happy here with the money that you could reasonably expect to earn?

 

[Montauk_Project]

I moved here in 2002 and met my husband in 2006. While that "sealed the deal" that I would stay here, I already was living in Argentina and considered it my home. I have met a lot of expat women who are only here because of their husbands and kids, many seem to be unhappy. These are generalizations, but if you can´t develop yourself professionally and can´t fit into the culture, it will be frustrating.
I also have another story: an argentine friend of mine married a Spanish woman. He always wanted to move to Europe, and not only found true love but a way to move there. She didn´t like Argentina, but started living here full time. Fast forward four years: the situation in Spain is pretty bad, and now she feels lucky that she can live in Argentina (she is also a scientist and got a good job doing research here). The moral is that things can change. Maybe in five years moving back to the US won´t be appealing or Argentina could be a better choice economically.
No one can tell you what decision is best for you, there are too many factors (do you speak the language? can you work here? do you get along with his family? like the culture? Are you strong and love challenges?). The future is also hard to predict: maybe you get diagnosed with a horrible illness, and free/low cost healthcare in Argentina is a life saver. Maybe you get divorced and your husband says sure, take the kids to the US, but they don´t want to move because Argentina is their home (know of a woman who this happened to).
I agree with PhilipDT that you need to think about your future career. Do you consider your relationship/kids to be your life´s work? OR do you want to develop yourself professionally?

On another note: I´ve met a lot of expat women who fit into this pattern: move to Argentina to be with husband. Hate Argentina, can´t find work in their profession. Get pregnant to have kids to do something with their lives. Get more tied to a country they begin to HATE even more, so have more kids. . .

I love it here. If I got divorced, I would stay here and look for another Argentine man. This doesn´t mean that there are things that I don´t like or find frustrating, but this is my home. I would say it is hard to make your home a place that you don´t like.