Cheating-Affairs How Common Is It In Ba?

[Cialu]

This basically comes down to people's inability to live in the moment. If you have a good relationship, enjoy it. Don't obsess with the future, don't succumb to jealousy and possessiveness. People change over time. The concept of eternal love - until death does us part - undoubtedly happens - but it is the exception that makes the rule - people grow out of relationships.

I am confused. I thought that the differences of Argentinos with N. americans in that very characteristic - that Argentinos live in the moment, do not worry about tomorrow, enjoy life and treasure what it brings, do not obsess with future etc (it was explained to me by pointing out the inevitable financial crisis, political instability, ie unpredictable future, no need to worry as impossible to alter it). It was juxaposed with the american, perhaps western idea of pre-planning, not living in present nor enjoying the moment for sake of the future.
But the content of this thread is about inability of Arg. to find contentment in the moment (relationship/love/etc) and - i believe in a prior topic about similar, - an idea of loving what they do not have and not wanting what they have and impossibility of making a stable choice came up. How is it possible to put all that together in a coherent explanation?

 

[Cialu]

I think people cheat everywhere in the world, both men and women. In Argentina, the difference is that you have telos that make it easier and no one sees it as a moral failing. In other words, you may break up with someone because they cheated on you and get mad at them, but outsiders won´t see the affair as proof as low moral character (as is done with US politicians, for example).

I think same goes for France, England, Spain and numerous smaller european countries. Common here (possibly, it's my explanation) is history of practice of arranged marriage , relative ease of conducting an affair (eg. no capital punishment as in China/Muslim world), and religion as cultural heritage of society).
In france, no moral judgement goes to politicians caught with an affaire; at least, no public outcry if they don't behave in an arrogant way. Yet theme of affairs is not as touchy for most people. No special attention. + Divorce is easy to get also. In Argentina , everyone and their mother are talking about it!

 

[Cialu]

Ppl grow and sometimes grow apart. .... I think most of the time it's simply that the magic as gone away, but now they have obligations together.

People grow in parallel or apart, or magic goes = I think this is not the cause but the effect. +, 'Magic' is a 5 letter word and people give it all kinds of meaning, it can be created, cooked up, imagined, injected, blown up and destroyed within a second! Blue sky on a sunday, a baby's hand, or blinding sun rays of Everest, or a warm and fuzzy feeling of being in a presence of your loved one, or ... (add your own magic here In my view, separations/'it's over' happen as a direct result of personalities involved and self-confidence , things which in turn created the relationship in the first place...

 

[Crema Americana]

It depends on the person, but cheating is as big a deal here as it is in the US. Maybe not when it comes to politicians, but really, what do politicians get chastised for here? Most people consider it a scummy thing to do.

I think people here may be a little more used to it being admitted (among friends and such) and morals have always been a little more loose, but I don't think it happens any more or less than in the US. However here it also has a lot to do with pride -- nobody wants to be a cornudo (cuckhold). We don't even use that insult in the US and here it's quite common. I'd say Argentines are generally more jealous and possessive than Americans. Generalizations, of course.

As for the machismo thing... one of the most disgustingly chauvinistic conversations I've ever overheard was between a couple of American frat boys on the Buquebus. Men are men... and women are women. You find all kinds everywhere.

 

[HeyHeyJose]

Few of my students have mentioned they go to swingers club regularly and they feel better cause "now they are even with their husbands". One of my students actually works in a strip club, sometimes her boyfriend will go to strip club and watch her strip on other guys til naked.

May I suggest inviting all those friends and students to the coffee chats on wednesdays and fridays? A group of local friends will help tremendously that group of foreigners living in BAs (who compulsively post on internet forums), to better understand and be part of the reality around them.

 

[PhilipDT]

I am confused. I thought that the differences of Argentinos with N. americans in that very characteristic - that Argentinos live in the moment, do not worry about tomorrow, enjoy life and treasure what it brings, do not obsess with future etc (it was explained to me by pointing out the inevitable financial crisis, political instability, ie unpredictable future, no need to worry as impossible to alter it). It was juxaposed with the american, perhaps western idea of pre-planning, not living in present nor enjoying the moment for sake of the future.
But the content of this thread is about inability of Arg. to find contentment in the moment (relationship/love/etc) and - i believe in a prior topic about similar, - an idea of loving what they do not have and not wanting what they have and impossibility of making a stable choice came up. How is it possible to put all that together in a coherent explanation?

Easy. Relationship=recognizing the benefits of a stable relationship over a long term. Short fligs = enjoying the moment without worrying about who is going to be warming your bed tomorrow night.

 

[Cialu]

Easy. Relationship=recognizing the benefits of a stable relationship over a long term. Short fligs = enjoying the moment without worrying about who is going to be warming your bed tomorrow night.

Sure, yes - and the 'hysteria' and jealousy and acting out dramatic things? that would go against 'enjoying the moment', esp. given it's only a short term thing thus outcome of it doesn't matter, so why bother throwing a fit?

 

[Joe]

Sure, yes - and the 'hysteria' and jealousy and acting out dramatic things? that would go against 'enjoying the moment', esp. given it's only a short term thing thus outcome of it doesn't matter, so why bother throwing a fit?

The thing is that even thought someone is throwing a fit - all is forgiven in short order - with make up sex the same night :wub: - whereas you uptight northern Europeans hold a grudge forever :angry: !

 

[Cialu]

The thing is that even thought someone is throwing a fit - all is forgiven in short order - with make up sex the same night :wub: - whereas you uptight northern Europeans hold a grudge forever :angry: !

ha - now i get it - it's about living life to the fullest!!! make most of each moment!
totally makes sense

 

[Kredenza]

Ha, the chauvinist thing was one of the first things I noticed when I got here. It's really uncomfortable for me at times to go out with my male Argie friends for this reason, just can't get behind talking to women like that.

I have a friend who was dating an Argie guy, and her boyfriend told her that his dad had told him something like "I know you have a girlfriend, but you should still be sleeping with other girls on the side". Of course it's anecdotal but wasn't extremely surprising either .

Your story reminds me of my own. I met an Argie outside Argentina once and we remained in contact so after a while he invited me to come and visit him. What I didn't know was that he had a girlfriend in BA. He told me that he would tell his father that I was his friend visiting. A model looking friend It appears this is normal there and good thing I never visited him at the end.