Dating In Argentina / Dating Argentine Men

[nlaruccia]

Only when we begin to accept basic human behavior can we begin to find solutions to the problems that are steadily on the rise: divorces, child abuse, single parenting, etc.

Well said.

 

[toongeorges]

I would be interested to hear a "man's" opinion about men.

I think it is important of being open and honest to your partner(s) as a fundamental aspect of a relationship is trust. Also I think there should be reciprocity in a relationship, if a guy wants to be polygamous, he must be willing to accept that his girlfriend is polygamous as well. How many guys use "biological pressure" as an excuse to be polygamous themselves while freaking out if their girlfriend would sleep with someone else?

Biological pressures towards polygamy sound more like an excuse to me as a reality, as there would equally be biological pressures towards monogamy. Not only men have biological pressures towards polygamy (to have many kids), women have such pressures as well (to cheat their average partner for a superior partner). However, both men and women also have biological pressures to be monogamous, because raising children well takes a lot of effort and time, which is best accomplished in a stable family with both a dedicated mother and father. If children are not raised well, they will more likely fall off the social ladder, which will hurt their reproduction opportunities.

I would argue there are 2 opposing strategies in men and women: the quantity approach versus the quality approach. Desperate men and women tend to sleep with a lot of average partners (to increase their chances), whereas selective people tend to have a single great partner (who will leave them for someone better if they cheat).

 

[citygirl]

A bit shortsighted no? Humans (male/female) have plenty of biological imperatives. Urinate, defecate, fornicate, feed ourselves, purge when ill, etc, etc, etc. We have certainly applied social constructs to these base instincts which place a framework on when these are appropriate. And we seem to do quite well at them.

No one is forcing monogamy onto anyone. Doesn't work for you - don't do it. Find a like minded partner and engage in a polygamous relationship or stay single - either are completely viable options.

But sorry, if you make a commitment to being exclusive and/or monogamous and then break that commitment - you simply are a liar and IMO have no respect for your word or your partner. You don't get the "biology made me do it" excuse

 

[Joe]

I think this is the heart of it. Women feel if they acknowledge a predilection for polygamy then they are giving tacit approval for it - thus the denial that it exists.

Like a lot of things it is not something that is discussed in polite company. The result is a lot of dishonesty, No-Tell motel outings, private detectives and denial.

The alternative is to accept this behavior exists, discuss it, and if it is unacceptable, to state forthrightly, "Listen my love, I just saw you oogling Jane over there, I know that she is a sexy woman BUT You need to know if you cheat on me then it's over. And as far as the oogling goes - that's something I won't accept either." This is something that needs to be said before marriage and definitely before children. Instead we usually get couples doing an intricate Kabuki dance, each partner wondering what the other is doing, thinking, planning and living in fear, guilt and denial.

 

[toongeorges]

Instead we usually get couples doing an intricate Kabuki dance, each partner wondering what the other is doing, thinking, planning and living in fear, guilt and denial.

Sounds like a healthy relationship to me or rather a porteño relationship? ;-)

 

[nlaruccia]

I have a male friend from California who got divorced last year. His wife couldn't handle his polygamous behavior every time he came to Argentina and Uruguay. He always talked about his wife non-stop and how much he loved her and how gorgeous she was, but she was always calling him and accusing him of cheating.....which was true. I understand how she felt and asked him once why couldn't he stay faithful to her. He said he just sees a young, attractive woman and wants her but he still loves his wife. Healthy attitude or not, I'm not going to say nor do I feel I have the right to judge him. I think his behaviour is more common than we as women want to acknowledge and accept. He used to complain that he couldn't find a woman who was willing to accept his polygamous nature. They're not that many heterosexual women secure enough to enter into a polygamous relationship. I noticed several woman have posted in this thread about how lucky they were to find a great Argentine hubby who is faithful and loving, and they're very fortunate. Kudos. But is it possibly a defense mechanism they're using? Few men have posted in this thread about how lucky they were to find a faithful loving wife. In fact, I don't think any of them men have discussed their "personal lives" nor the fact that they have so many children and how blessed they are. Just an observation about the psychological difference between men and women.

 

[citygirl]

I think this is the heart of it. Women feel if they acknowledge a predilection for polygamy then they are giving tacit approval for it - thus the denial that it exists.

I don't know what that means. I'm stating that humans (not males, humans) have lots of biological urges. Part of being an evolved species is we put frameworks around those urges and assign rules to them. So saying "biology made me do it" is a really, really weak excuse. Humans work under different behavior patterns than animals.

Like a lot of things it is not something that is discussed in polite company. The result is a lot of dishonesty, No-Tell motel outings, private detectives and denial.

a doesn't equal b - bad logic there.

The alternative is to accept this behavior exists, discuss it, and if it is unacceptable, to state forthrightly, "Listen my love, I just saw you oogling Jane over there, I know that she is a sexy woman BUT You need to know if you cheat on me then it's over. And as far as the oogling goes - that's something I won't accept either." This is something that needs to be said before marriage and definitely before children. Instead we usually get couples doing an intricate Kabuki dance, each partner wondering what the other is doing, thinking, planning and living in fear, guilt and denial.

That may be your reality but pretty much every relationship I know, you have that discussion very, very early on. Groundwork for the relationship, rules, expectations, etc - all discussed.

I can honestly say I don't live in fear, guilt or denial. It's not rocket science people. It's called communication and every couple with a good relationship engages in it.

Oh and narlaruccia - given you are posting on the women's forum - you're not going to get many men reading and responding

 

[sleslie23]

Another example of the innate promiscuous behavior of men is the use of pornography.

There's a difference between correlation and causation.

"Studies have shown" that use of pornography is rooted areas of the brain responsible for obsessive/compulsive behavior. In fact, the same areas of the brain that are stimulated by drugs like cocaine. Use of pornography is often based on conditioning, not merely some primitive biological need to procreate. If human behavior were that rooted in biology, then you would only see us running through the forest humping, eating, and killing.

You seem to have a positivistic view of biology that would be more at home in the 1800's.

How many relationships have been harmed/destroyed by some men's addiction to pornography? With the advent of the internet and literally millions of woman for heterosexuals and millions of men for homosexuals available to view online this problem is only going to get worse.

Only when we begin to accept basic human behavior can we begin to find solutions to the problems that are steadily on the rise: divorces, child abuse, single parenting, etc.

I don't disagree with your conclusion, but there are flaws in the logic of how you got there. You are trying to give a purely biological explanation for behavior that is primarily influenced by *conditioning.* That's the key word here.

Anyway, I'm done with this thread. If you want to use your testicles as justification for your urges or you are blissful in your turn of the 19th century knowledge of human biology, who am I to judge.

 

[nlaruccia]

There's a difference between correlation and causation.

"Studies have shown" that use of pornography is rooted areas of the brain responsible for obsessive/compulsive behavior. In fact, the same areas of the brain that are stimulated by drugs like cocaine. Use of pornography is often based on conditioning, not merely some primitive biological need to procreate. If human behavior were that rooted in biology, then you would only see us running through the forest humping, eating, and killing.

You seem to have a positivistic view of biology that would be more at home in the 1800's.



I don't disagree with your conclusion, but there are flaws in the logic of how you got there. You are trying to give a purely biological explanation for behavior that is primarily influenced by *conditioning.* That's the key word here.

Anyway, I'm done with this thread. If you want to use your testicles as justification for your urges or you are blissful in your turn of the 19th century knowledge of human biology, who am I to judge.

If only my friend, the a serial cheater, could find a partner that was as open as he is, but he can't. I'm not sure anyone wants to imply that a man will use his testicles as an excuse for cheating. It's not an excuse.That's not the point. It's to acknowledge that men and women are simply different. Cheating "seems" be more prevalent in Argentina than in some other places. Possibly it's not; it just feels that way, or maybe it is more culturally accepted. In a perfect world there would be better and more open communication in a relationship and there would be no divorces but that's not the case. Divorce is higher now than it ever was. In fact, many Argentine couples don't even bother to get married anymore when they have children. They just move in together. Should we copy this thread in the men's forum? Hahaha. Get them in on this?

 

[toongeorges]

Divorce is higher now than it ever was. In fact, many Argentine couples don't even bother to get married anymore when they have children. They just move in together.

That is not an exclusive to Argentina, though the reasons elsewhere may be different. My sister never married, has a kid and separated from the father (but they stay friends) and now she is thinking about going to live for a year in the Egyptian desert, leaving her kid behind (though she will visit her kid from time to time).

Though the reason for looser relationships in my country is not so much cheating, rather it is people growing up to be independent and unwilling to be committed (women as well). Moreover, I have the feeling many women do their best trying to prove they can be better than a man, instead of showing interest and taking care. I am not interested in women who like to prove they can live all by themselves, I can do that myself as well and I am very good at it, as this is one of the things society has thought me very well. Though somehow, somewhere I also have some traditional mindset and I want a family which implies to me commitment and taking care of each other and I think women in South America somehow are better conditioned towards that.