is this normal behaviour?

[blondie]

I'm engaged to an argie. He came here (Sweden, where I currently live) to visit me in December, he paid his tickets himself - which I know was something of an economical sacrifice for him as well as his family - he brought, not only me, but all of my family that he had never met before, heaps of presents, and he even wanted to take me out to restaurants and such. I think it was a hard blow to his selfesteem when I refused to let him pay the bill in the end, knowing that the sum is at least threefold to a restaurant bill in Argentina. So, no. That behavior is not "normal". Anywhere. But unfortunately I've heard a couple of stories like that, and that of Syngirl's too. That's why it never crossed my mind to offer to pay for his tickets, how much in love or newly engaged I ever was (and IS, when it comes to the in-love part ) It's challenging to be in a relationship where I know that the cost of an airline ticket for me is slightly more than a half a month's salary, but for him it's six or seven months. It's also a bit shameful, like it hits right on the spot of all the advantages we take for granted, being born in "the first world". But you can't pay off the unequalities with expensive gifts. You can only hope that the love is stronger.

 

[jb5]

Austgirl, you sound naive. Why on earth would you pay for a businessman to visit you? Didn't you think there was something wrong with that picture? Head straight to the nearest bookstore's self help section, you are setting yourself up if you didn't understand what you were going to get when you sent that ticket!

 

[ghost]

Austgirl
A little research and you will discover he is married.

 

[citygirl]

It's called a freeloader & they're not specific to Argentina - they come from all countries

I have been in your shoes - not to that extent but got sucked into the trap of thinking that it's so much cheaper for me in dollars, I can afford it but it would be a sacrifice for him so I'll pay, blah, blah, blah. Lesson learned the hard way.

My rule of thumb is listen to your gut. If you feel like you are being taken advantage of - you are.

 

[cujodu]

No, it doesn't sound crazy, there will always be someone standing by waiting to take your money as long as you are dumb enough to give it away. I don't blame him as much as I blame your irresponsible naiveté. Get it together, or people will continue taking advantage of you no matter where they're from.

 

[gusgutier]

It`s an species, tango culture call them "vividores" (hard translation, those who live on you). Who can say never had a vividor in his life? Don´t you remember the guy who had never a coin for a beer, cigarettes, yhe movies, chewing gum or the bus? or that one who NEVER gets back borrowed items (from books to your car if it's possible)?.
I think that syngirl touched an essential issue. Freeloading is easier between partners of different cultures by not knowing how the habits are. Not few are the cases of a foreigner male being sucked by a needed girl, because tourists and foreigners are magnets of vividores in the belief they are rich.

 

[HotYogaTeacher]

I am a professional dating and relationship coach from the US. First, let me say I am sorry you had a disappointing experience. That sucks.

"Rules" about normality aside, ask yourself, "Why did I spend money, time and effort on someone I hardly knew?" The answer to this question will not help you to understand what is normal for Argentines, it will help you understand what your expectations were for the money you spent and how to avoid being disappointed in the future. If you don't know another person, haven't explained to them what your expectations are and have no experience as to their trustworthiness, you are likely to be disappointed no matter what country they are from.

It has been my experience that men in general (there are stand out exceptions to every rule no matter the culture or group) tend not to respect women who give "too much" "too soon". Is that fair or right or reasoned? No. It simply is. Most people don't understand themselves well enough to tell you why they are the way they are. Asking this forum for an answer to why he is the way is will not give you an answer, that is certain. No one knows. The people on this forum may have drawn conclusions based on vast, or very limited experience, but they don't know him, or you, and so can't tell you why he did what he did. The juice in this for you is that you get to learn something about your own expectations and make a change in the future to be sure they are met more effectively.

Peace~
Annie Ory
Dating, Relationship & Grief Coach
www.MappingLove.com

 

[Lucas]

Rudolph Valentino was gay. Is that what you're looking for?

There you go....can't trust these Hollywood people they mix everything up, don't they

 

[steveinbsas]

I am a professional dating and relationship coach...ask yourself, "Why did I spend money, time and effort on someone I hardly knew?" The answer to this question will not help you to understand what is normal for Argentines, it will help you understand what your expectations were for the money you spent and how to avoid being disappointed in the future.

I didn't get the impression that Austgirl was thinking about what she was getting "for the money (she) spent" when she paid this freeloader's way. She did say she expected to be repaid.

Obviously, we all spend time and effort on those we hardly know when we first meet them, otherwise they would never become friends, or lovers, or even life mates.

Austgirl asked if the Argiebeau's behavior was normal. How many Argie men find a foreign woman to pay their way in the first place? He was an opportunist and got lucky. It isn't normal for a woman to offer to pay for everything, either, is it?

 

[austgirl]

thanks! im glad you actually understood what i wrote.. a lot of people have jumped on the bandwagon thinking i didnt even know the guy... but i certainly didnt know him to this extent... ie. staying in MY home. thanks for your comments, when i told him on his return to BA that his behaviour as a man was disgusting, he was outraged (idiot) and told me that i should pay for everything as he was in my home... funny it didnt work that way when i stayed in BA... anyway you live and learn dont you.... i would like to keep an open mind and heart and dont want to become bitter and cynical.. but naturally, i will listen to my gut next time... if it smells like a pig, looks like a pig, well... it is a pig!