Dating in Buenos Aires.

[AlexfromLA]

Indeed it is

She doesn't, either. She wears black biking pants covered in cat hair. Now, is that a match?

 

[Alilou]

I've been a longer-ish term relationship with an Argentine. Its a pretty status quo relationship in comparison with a US style relationship. Here are some observations and bits of advice:

1) Meeting someone in a bar or while drunk is generally a bad idea
(I met my fiance through a cultural exchange)

2) Don't date a rugby player
(I think this should apply worldwide but my first experience with an Argentine was a rugby player.)

3) Argentine men are much cuddlier and much more into PDA. You could even call them clingy.
(I'm not complaining. I love it but some have found it annoying)

4) Not all Argentine men live with mummy and daddy. Its not a negative but if they are over the age of 25 and aren't even thinking about moving out (as in have a plan and are saving to do so), RUN! If they are over 30 and live with their parents, RUN!
(Mine moved out at age 18. He owns his apartment. Its not impossible.)

5) Argentine men are used to Argentine women... we ex pats seem angelic to them. Use this to your advantage. No need to pick up the local female custom of hysteria. Men seem to like a woman who knows what she wants, doesn't play hard to get, doesn't demand that the relationship be defined after 3 dates, isn't looking for a husband... any husband, can eat and enjoy themselves, lets her significant other have freedom, doesn't call and text him at work 10 times a day, is capable of enjoying sex, etc.

6) I have never had more of a problem that I have now... maintaining my own life. I seemed to have been absorbed into my fiance's life and my life doesn't exist. It seems to happen to a lot of ex pats with Argentine boyfriends. I'm not sure why and I don't think I like it.

7) I think relationships with a foreigner often are like normal relationships on crack... Everything happens the same but in a much more rushed way. For example, I never imagined that I'd move in with my boyfriend after 10 months and marry him after a year and a half. I wish we would have been able to think things over a bit more but its just hard living in a foreign country on a tourist visa for an extended period of time.

7) If you can, don't fall in love with a foreigner. It makes life so hard. I have to pay thousands of dollars to see my family a few days a year. I miss my friends. I lost my career. Its hard to regain those things in a foreign country. I'm gradually finding a place and friends. But its not easy. Avoid it if you can.
(Not to mention the many many annoyances of immigration... both in Argentina and the US)

 

[citygirl]

Alilou, great list. I'll add one addendum though.
2A - Don't date a professional polo player.

 

[billsfan]

Maybe I can help you people (expats) with some local insight on the subject. I could write a manual and give classes... not a bad idea.. hmmmm...

Sorry, seriously now:

Q. Why argentines are histericos/as?
A. Because any direct look into the eye, smile, casual touch and/or similar moves would be IMMEDIATELY interpreted as a sign of desire (i.e: "this girl/boy wants some [fill_in_genital_part]")... and I don't know where do we get this from... culturally... but it means you got the power. So noone wants to give the power to the other person, hence the histeriqueo. This was "histeriqueo 101" people, please bear with me.

Q. I'm american/british/french/canadian/etc... Why so many local women offer free sex to me?
A. Sorry dude. MOST argentine women are not as independent as american/french/canadian/etc ones. Their daydreams involve having unprotected sex with a foreigner, be taken to a castle in Europe an reign some country with low lands.
Exibit A: Maxima Zorreguieta.
To be honest, argentine women are not alone in this, but you get the idea: Foreigners with money (or saying they have money) have better reproduction chances here than in their own country. In some cases money can't help them at all.

Q. Why rich people is so dumb/stupid here?
A. Unlike in other countries, the best universities are public (UBA, UTN, UNR, UNC, etc, etc). Maybe with a few exceptions, but the "private" schooling here was created very recently (40-50 ys?) and with one objetive in mind: profit. Education is just a collateral damage to them.
Polo, rugby and some other sports are related to the "cream" (more like a fat yoghurt) of Argentina.
Although I have found, in the past, very educated and decent people in the richer circles.... stupidity, fascism, and plain banality are the most frequent "assets" in a conversation you may be engaged in.

Q. Why so much drama?
A. There is big pct of italian and spanish descent (60-70%?). The Opera, the 3 tenors, bull fighting, cattenachio (italian futbol defensive style), evita, mafia... add that to the latin american "telenovelas". Everything is drama here. Live with it or go back to Finland.

Any other questions? Let me know.

 

[AlexfromLA]

 

[nlaruccia]

Going back to the Argentine men being histerico. I've read a few articles in the Clarin and in some magazines written by well-known psychologists here that discuss the new hysteria of Argentine men; how they pick up women without ever intending to call them once they get their number and according to the experts it's due to several different factors. One being low self-esteem and the need to boost it by seeing if they can even get a woman's number. I just don't understand why not call if they've managed to get their foot in the front door of an attractive woman. According to these various articles I read, Argentine mean are afraid of satisfying a woman in bed so they prefer not to even try to get her into bed. I've yet to meet an Argentine men that actually cares all that much if he pleases his wife or girlfriend in the bedroom. It's quite difficult for us foreign women to comprehend the male hysteria here. I've been here a while, and on the rare occasions I've given my number out (usually to people I know) they either 1) don't call; 2) Call or email and say they will call me in a couple days or in a week then disappear; 3) Go on a lunch or coffee date and keep up email or telephone correspondence, express their desire to go out again, disappear, then reappear several months later wanting to see me again. I always tell them to go take a flying leap. These are not men I meet in bars; I don't go to bars. I'm talking about wealthy, educated men that have class; lawyers, accountants, investors, etc. What's shocking to me is that when I relate these stories to female Argentine friends they say the would have gone out with a guy that disappeared and reappeared several months later. They have admitted that it takes courage to turn an offer down (I'm paraphrasing), but they would have gone out with him again. Better than being at home alone. I have a dear friend that's a psychologist from Buenos Aires who once told me that in Argentina "you desire who you don't love, and you love who you don't desire." Hence, marrying and cheating on your spouse. She said that here most men are married, and the rest are divorced. In their thirties and forties, divorced men have small children and they don't want to commit; they just want to return to their adolescence. She suggested looking for men in their fifties. In my experience, men in their fifties make great partners, until they out-of-the blue don't know what they want and desperately need their space and independence. They "still love you" but want to be on their own. What's a woman to do in Argentina?

 

[billsfan]

One being low self-esteem and the need to boost it by seeing if they can even get a woman's number. I just don't understand why not call if they've managed to get their foot in the front door of an attractive woman. ?

First and foremost, you people have to learn that when a porteño says "Argentina" he is thinking "Buenos Aires" and neglecting as much as they can the rest of the inhabitants in the country.
Porteños would be the most histericos mainly because this is a BIG CITY. Yes..., culturally diverse, somewhat poor, somewhat rich... but a big metropoli.
I'd like to know how men from NYC or London or Paris are.

Also, low-self esteem? How about all Latin America plus Spain calling argentines (porteños again) "agrandados" (big ego), etc??

According to these various articles I read, Argentine mean are afraid of satisfying a woman in bed so they prefer not to even try to get her into bed. I've yet to meet an Argentine men that actually cares all that much if he pleases his wife or girlfriend in the bedroom.

Aren't those "studies" talking about teenagers? Because really, most men I know won't pass any oportunity to go to bed with a woman they are attracted to.
Maybe gay teenage boys? That would explain it.

In their thirties and forties, divorced men have small children and they don't want to commit; they just want to return to their adolescence.

I'm going to be an asshole here But who does not want to be 18 again?

 

[SaraSara]

First and foremost, you people have to learn that when a porteño says "Argentina" he is thinking "Buenos Aires" and neglecting as much as they can the rest of the inhabitants in the country.

Foreigners talk about "Argentinos" but for the most part all they know are the "Porteños". The Earth doesn't end at the edge of the BA metro area - eighty kms. outside the General Paz lies a different country. It is worth exploring.

 

[mini]

.
I'd like to know how men from NYC or London or Paris are.

They are far from hysterical.... I've never seen anything like it until I got here.

 

[billsfan]

They are far from hysterical.... I've never seen anything like it until I got here.

OK then. I don't have to deal with it, so I don't care