Dating in Buenos Aires.

[fifs2]

Of course many married men today still have mistresses. The difference is that fifty years ago it was considered the norm and any man that could afford a mistress naturally would have one. He would set her up in an apartment and pay for everything. Of course, that still happens today and I know some women who are professional mistresses. I've dated young men in their twenties to men in their fifties, and though the younger ones might be willing to wash a couple plates and aren't as jealous as their older counterparts, they still cheat with other men and women. Ojo! Not all of them, but cheating is very much part of the culture. I had an interesting conversation this weekend with a dear Argentinean friend who puts up with all my questions grudgingly. We discussed why men here find fault in every woman they date. I know so many men that are hysterico and when they finally start to date someone they quickly find a flaw that makes it a deal breaker. Maybe she's too emotionally dependent on her parents, or she's too independent and likes to go out with her friends and won't make enough time for her boyfriend, she's too religious, she's strange because she has few friends, her arms are too flabby, she once received psychiatric treatment, she's not feminine enough, she talks too much, she's a little depressed, she still suffers from her mother's death which happened recently, etc. These are real excuses I've heard as reasons for deal breakers. According to my friend, people need to be esquisito (demanding as hell-not the literal translation). They shouldn't settle for anything less than perfect or they're a voludo. It doesn't matter if they themselves aren't perfect, they should still strive for the most perfect woman they can find rather than settle for any woman and be unhappy. I had to bite my tongue....hard.

Dear God, I sufer from nearly all the flaws you mention..thank God I snatched an innocent man before we moved here and he saw all my failings! Expats singletons - you have my deepest sympathes.

 

[nlaruccia]

A lot of my male Argie friends are in their fifties, educated, make good money, and are really nice guys. I truly love and respect them. They don't go bar hopping or to clubs nor to yacht clubs. After work they like to go to restaurants with their friends. They usually meet women in the gym, their tennis club, or through a mutual friend. Men here generally marry women they met in college, or through a mutual friend. Hope that helps.

 

[Alilou]

I was looking back at the beginning of the thread... the part about who does the cleaning, etc. And it reminded me of something. I was once chatting with a group of ex pat friends here (all with Argentine husbands or boyfriends) and we started talking about who does the cooking, cleaning, etc. They were all shocked when I said that my fiance had no problem with washing the dishes, cleaning, etc. All their significant others apparently were resistant to doing such domestic chores (either up front refusal or passive avoidance). I asked my fiance about it... and he said basically no middle class Argentine woman would accept that and that my friends' Argentine men were basically taking advantage of them being foreigners and not exactly knowing what local standards are. Furthermore, my fiance's friends are always impressed that I know how to cook and bake. So they obviously don't have their girlfriends at home slaving away for them. So I don't think the unfair division of domestic chores is necessarily status quo here.... although maybe it is within the ex pat world. And obviously there are a lot of relationships that function more "traditionally" here but I think that most Porteno middle class men are not going to treat their girlfriend/ wife/ etc. like a domestic slave.

 

[ssr]

...I asked my fiance about it... and he said basically no middle class Argentine woman would accept that and that my friends' Argentine men were basically taking advantage of them being foreigners and not exactly knowing what local standards are...

Local standards? C'mon, this is getting a bit silly. Are there women out there who wouldn't tolerate this sort of thing back home in the US or Europe or wherever but decide they have to clean up after their man in Argentina because that's the "local standard?"

If that's the case, I'd like to let these women know about an exciting opportunity to purchase an iconic bridge in New York City...

(http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Brooklyn_Bridge#Cultural_significance)

 

[Alilou]

Its pretty easy to just do what is expected while living in a foreign country... I think its kind of a vulnerability thing. I'm just guessing really... I didn't ask my friends to psychoanalyze themselves to figure out why they can't get their husbands or boyfriends to do the dishes. But my point was... that Argentine men that share domestic chores do exist (like mine) although there seems to be a lot of complaints here about Argentine men not doing domestic chores...

 

[Ashley]

I was the one (I think) who originally brought up the cleaning issue. What I was actually trying to say is that, in my experience (and from what I observe from both expat friends and Argentine female friends here) is that men don't contribute their fair share of household duties. My husband is happy to wash the dishes, take a stab at cooking, etc etc...but very rarely cleans the bathroom or washes the floor or vacuums. So I reckon I end up doing around 70% of stuff around the house. Most of the Argentine couples I know have domestic help so neither the man nor the woman makes much of an effort as far as cooking/cleaning is concerned. I also know very few Argentine women who cook (they tend to buy food pre-prepared or make something very basic). I guess these could also be reasons why expat women notice the domestic inequality here a bit more. Almost all of my expat women friends here are big on cooking and most would rather save on a cleaner and do it themselves...I don't think they're necessarily adapting to a misconceived "local standard".
Even so (as I mentioned in earlier threads), I've never really known many men (Argentine or otherwise) to get down and dirty with a scrubbing brush. Maybe in other parts of the world, men are happy to pull their weight as far as cleaning...I've just never seen it happen either here or in the UK!

 

[citygirl]

I've enjoyed reading this whole thread, and all the posts. I often don't know whether to laugh or groan -- especially as a psychotherapist from the states and a divorced woman who barely cooks or cleans for herself, let alone opting to do it for some guy. Anyway, I just arrived here a few weeks ago and here's my question: Let's say I want to go crazy, risk the drama, and actually meet a man (Arg or otherwise) who is likely to be educated, successful, and currently unmarried. And let's say that I also am aiming for someone in that 50yo age range some of you talked about as being a good bet for sanity and maturity. Where would I go in Buenos Aires? I have barely a clue. Any advice would be most appreciated -- and I promise to share stories if there are any good ones to share.

Alegria - another option is match.com. (the argentine version natch) There are a lot of men on there that are in the 50 yo age range on there. Happy dating

 

[HowardinBA]

I was the one (I think) who originally brought up the cleaning issue. What I was actually trying to say is that, in my experience (and from what I observe from both expat friends and Argentine female friends here) is that men don't contribute their fair share of household duties. My husband is happy to wash the dishes, take a stab at cooking, etc etc...but very rarely cleans the bathroom or washes the floor or vacuums. So I reckon I end up doing around 70% of stuff around the house. Most of the Argentine couples I know have domestic help so neither the man nor the woman makes much of an effort as far as cooking/cleaning is concerned. I also know very few Argentine women who cook (they tend to buy food pre-prepared or make something very basic). I guess these could also be reasons why expat women notice the domestic inequality here a bit more. Almost all of my expat women friends here are big on cooking and most would rather save on a cleaner and do it themselves...I don't think they're necessarily adapting to a misconceived "local standard".
Even so (as I mentioned in earlier threads), I've never really known many men (Argentine or otherwise) to get down and dirty with a scrubbing brush. Maybe in other parts of the world, men are happy to pull their weight as far as cleaning...I've just never seen it happen either here or in the UK!

all of my female argy friends prepare and do their own cooking.....I don,t know anyone that doesn,t

 

[nlaruccia]

I had no idea we would end up discussing whether Argie men help clean and cook or not. Frankly, I think that's an issue that everyone in the world can relate to; it's not an Argentinean thing. I have some female Argie friends don't cook and eat in restaurants every night, some cook from scratch, some have their mucamas cook, and some buy sandwhiches de miga and pre-cooked pizzas. I know Argie men that love to cook and are proud of their skills, others that only know how to make an asado, and others that are lost when it comes to the kitchen. Hay de todo.

 

[nikad]

Hmmm Most women are in charge of most domestic chores, some men might occasionally help with grocery shopping or the kids, but if they are asked for their help, they rather pay for a maid in order to help the wife. Most middle class women have some type of domestic help, at least a few times a week. This is something Americans ( most ) cannot afford.