let,s cheer ourselves up

[camberiu]

 

[amsam]

Very rude:

So a priest, a rabbi, and a buddhist monk are on a cruise and the ship hits an iceberg and is going down fast. There aren't enough life jackets and everyone is panicking. The three of them find three life jackets under a bench! They quickly start putting them on, when the monk stops and says, "Wait, what about the children?" The rabbi says, "fuck the children!" And the priest says, "Do we have time?"

 

[French jurist]

Since we are into religions, a Jewish mother joke:

It's the story of a guy of wants to test his Jewish mother since he just started dating a new girlfriend.
He comes to see her with his girlfriend plus two other girls and ask her:

The guy
"Mom, I want to test you. Please guess who is my girlfriend"

The mother
"Easy, that's the one in the middle!"

The guy
"Oh mom! I knew it! You guessed it right! But how come?"

The mother
"Well son, she's the only one I hate at first sight, see it was easy!"

 

[internationalguy]

Since we are into religions, a Jewish mother joke:

It's the story of a guy of wants to test his Jewish mother since he just started dating a new girlfriend.
He comes to see her with his girlfriend plus two other girls and ask her:

The guy
"Mom, I want to test you. Please guess who is my girlfriend"

The mother
"Easy, that's the one in the middle!"

The guy
"Oh mom! I knew it! You guessed it right! But how come?"

The mother
"Well son, she's the only one I hate at first sight, see it was easy!"

Lol, that's very funny. Here's another one.

There were 3 good arguments that Jesus was Black:
1. He called everyone brother
2. He liked Gospel
3. He didn’t get a fair trial
But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Jewish:
1. He went into His Father’s business
2. He lived at home until he was 33
3. He was sure his Mother was a virgin and his Mother was sure He was God
But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Italian:
1. He talked with His hands
2. He had wine with His meals
3. He used olive oil
But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was a Californian:
1. He never cut His hair
2. He walked around barefoot all the time
3. He started a new religion
But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was an American Indian:
1. He was at peace with nature
2. He ate a lot of fish
3. He talked about the Great Spirit
But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Irish:
1. He never got married.
2. He was always telling stories.
3. He loved green pastures.
But the most compelling evidence of all – 3 proofs that Jesus was a woman:
1. He fed a crowd at a moment’s notice when there was virtually no food
2. He kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of men who just didn’t get it
3. And even when He was dead, He had to get up because there was still work to do

 

[French jurist]

In the same category

 

[French jurist]

Found today nearby my house

 

[wineguy999]

What's the difference between heaven and hell?

In heaven:
The English run the police force
The French do the cooking
The Swiss run the hotels
The Italians do the lovemaking
The Germans do the engineering


In hell:
The English do the cooking
The French run the hotels
The Swiss do the lovemaking
The Italians do the engineering
The Germans run the police force

 

[French jurist]

When God finished creating France, he looked at it and wondered: mhhh, it's such a beautiful country, with so many nice places to see.
But that was unfair for the other countries so he created the French.

 

[Splitty]

Here's one for the guys:

1./ Do you remember your first blow job?

2./ Do you remember your last blow job?

3./ Which one tasted better??

----------------------------------------
Why are women like Kentucky fried chicken?

Because after you have finished with the breast and thigh's all that's left is a greasy box!

 

[French jurist]

A widower in a retirement house tells the lady he shares the room with that his wife used to hold his sex so that he could fall asleep.
The lady, as a good companion, started doing the same and the man would fall asleep easily.

Then one day, the widower told her he had found a new partner 85 y/o. "But what does she have I don't have?" she asked him?
"Shaking hands" he replied.