let,s cheer ourselves up

[ajoknoblauch]

Un gallego se encuentra ahorcado en el supermercado. En el piso hay un papelito que dice, "Manuel, quiero que vayas a super a comprar Kolynos. Si no hay, colgate."

 

[thomsono1912]

Un mosquito dijo a su mamá, mamá quiero ir al teatro, ella contestó esta bien, pero tomes cuidado de los aplausos

 

[Gaucho_ec]

What animal will be the last on earth?


El Del-Fin
:huh:........ .... .... :lol:

 

[EricLovesBA]

Real-life funny moment, yesterday afternoon one of the family's nephews was over at the house - he's about 8 years old, and they were watching a Chucky movie. Near the beginning of the movie is a scene of a quasi-formal family dinner with numerous candles set about table for atmosphere. He blurts out "Tantos velas??? No hay luz!" [So many candles? They don't have electricity!]

It was all the funnier because he didn't mean it as a joke and the tone of voice was essentially that they were wasting candles using so many, and that he felt a little bit sorry for them.

 

[French jurist]

Lol

http://elmeme.me/pon...argentino_25934

 

[Gringoboy]

New EU Ruling

The European Union commissioners have announced that agreement has been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European communications, rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five-year phased plan for what will be known as EuroEnglish (Euro for short).

In the first year, "s" will be used instead of the soft "c." Sertainly, sivil servants will resieve this news with joy. Also, the hard "c" will be replaced with "k". Not only will this klear up konfusion, but typewriters kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik emthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced by "f". This will make words like fotograf" 20 persent shorter.

In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of silent "e"s in the languag is disgrasful, and they would go.

By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" by "z" and "w" by " v".

During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou", and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.

After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech ozer.

Ze drem vil finali kum tru.

 

[glasgowjohn]

[background=rgb(250, 250, 250)]A man goes into his son's room to wish him goodnight. His son is having a nightmare - the man wakes him and asks his son if he is okay? The son replies he is scared because he dreamt that Auntie Susie had died. The father assures the son that Auntie Susie is fine and sends him to bed.[/background]

[background=rgb(250, 250, 250)]The next day, Auntie Susie dies.[/background]

[background=rgb(250, 250, 250)]One week later, the man again goes into his son's room to wish him goodnight. His son is having another nightmare - the man again wakes his son. The son this time says that he had dreamt that granddaddy had died.[/background]

[background=rgb(250, 250, 250)]The father assures the son that granddaddy is fine and sends him to bed. The next day, granddaddy dies.[/background]

[background=rgb(250, 250, 250)]One week later, the man again goes into his son's room to wish him goodnight. His son is having another nightmare - the man again wakes his son. The son this time says that he had dreamt that daddy had died. The father assures the son that he is okay and sends the boy to bed.[/background]

[background=rgb(250, 250, 250)]The man goes to bed but cannot sleep because he is so terrified.[/background]

[background=rgb(250, 250, 250)]The next day, the man is scared for his life - he's sure he is going to die.[/background]

[background=rgb(250, 250, 250)]After dressing he drives very cautiously to work fearful of a collision. He doesn't eat lunch because he is scared of food poisoning.[/background]

[background=rgb(250, 250, 250)]He avoids everyone for he is sure he will somehow be killed. He jumps at every noise, starts at every movement and hides under his desk.[/background]

[background=rgb(250, 250, 250)]Upon walking in his front door at the end of the day, he finds his wife.[/background]

[background=rgb(250, 250, 250)]"Good God, Dear" he proclaims "I've just had the worst day of my entire life!"[/background]

[background=rgb(250, 250, 250)]She responds "You think your day was bad, the postman dropped dead on the doorstep this morning".[/background]

 

[glasgowjohn]

[background=rgb(250, 250, 250)]It's "what does your daddy do for a living" day at the primary school.[/background]

[background=rgb(250, 250, 250)]Becky walks to the front of the class and says proudly "My dad is a fireman and he saves people's lives rescuing them from burning buildings". That's lovely says the teacher.[/background]

[background=rgb(250, 250, 250)]Jimmy walks to the front of the class and says proudly "My daddy is a lifeboat man and he rescues people from the stormy seas". That's lovely says the teacher.[/background]

[background=rgb(250, 250, 250)]Finally little Johnny walks slowly to the front of the class and mumbles as softly as he can "My daddy is a lap dancer in a gay club and he makes other men happy". [/background]
[background=rgb(250, 250, 250)]Giggles around the classroom and the teacher ends the lesson, sending the class out for an early break time. [/background]

[background=rgb(250, 250, 250)]She grabs Johnny's arm as he walks past and pulls him to one side.[/background]
[background=rgb(250, 250, 250)]"Now Johnny", she says, "It's not really true that your daddy is a lap dancer in a gay bar, is it"? [/background]
[background=rgb(250, 250, 250)]Reluctantly Johnny says "No Miss". [/background]
[background=rgb(250, 250, 250)]"He actually is a Minister in CFK's government - but I couldn't tell them that could I?"![/background]

 

[germano]

New EU Ruling

The European Union commissioners have announced that agreement has been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European communications, rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five-year phased plan for what will be known as EuroEnglish (Euro for short).

this should sound like this then:

 

[Gringoboy]

Not too dissimilar mate!