let,s cheer ourselves up

[French jurist]

Adult content (just in case, lol)

This is the story of two sperm cells and one asks the other: "Is the egg far? I start to get tired". The other replied "not that much, we just passed the tonsils"

 

[PhilipDT]

When God finished creating France, he looked at it and wondered: mhhh, it's such a beautiful country, with so many nice places to see.
But that was unfair for the other countries so he created the French.

True enough but I still think it works better with Argentina.

 

[camberiu]

Somewhere in ENGLAND:

 

[camberiu]

Scientist have just confirmed the sighting of the world's first hipster. He was seen today riding the Tube in London.

 

[hannstew]

A man escapes from a prison where he’s been locked up for 15 years
He breaks into a house and inside, he finds a young couple in bed.
He ties him to a chair. ...While tying the wife to the bed, the convict gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom.

While he’s in there, the husband whispers over to his wife,
“Listen, this guy is an escaped convict. Look at his clothes! He’s probably spent a lot of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years.

I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don’t resist, don’t complain. Do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is obviously very dangerous. If he gets angry, he’ll kill us both. Be strong, honey. I love you!”

She responds: “He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me that he’s gay, thinks you’re cute, and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you, too.”

 

[EricLovesBA]

My brother-in-law got me started watching this youtube comedian "German", from Chile. This video in particular got me hooked...

Lots of other funny videos on his channel - great way to practice listening to Spanish.
http://www.youtube.com/user/HolaSoyGerman/videos?view=0&flow=list&sort=p

 

[hannstew]

Have you ever wondered what the difference is between Grandmothers and
Grandfathers?

Well, here it is:

There was this loving grandfather who always made a special effort to
spend time with his son's family on weekends. Every Saturday morning he
would take his 5-year-old granddaughter out for a drive in the car for somquality time -- pancakes, ice cream, candy-- just him and his granddaughter.

One particular Saturday, however, he had a terrible cold and could not get
out of bed. He knew his granddaughter always looked forward to their drives
and would be very disappointed.

Luckily, his wife came to the rescue and said that she would take their
granddaughter for her weekly drive and breakfast.

When they returned, the little girl anxiously ran upstairs to see her
grandfather who was still in bed. "Well, did you enjoy your ride with
grandma?" he asked.

Not really, PaPa, it was boring. We didn't see a single asshole, queer,
piece of shit, horse's ass, socialist left wing Obamalover, blind bastard,
dipshit, Muslim camel humper or son of a bitch anywhere we went!"

We just drove around and Grandma smiled at everyone she saw. I really
didn't have any fun.

 

[hannstew]

A 6 year old and a 4 year old are raking the yard. The 6 year old asks, "You know what? I think it's about time we started learning to cuss".... The 4 year old nods his head in approval. The 6 year old continues, "When we go in for breakfast, I'm gonna say something with hell and you say something with ass". The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm. When the mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6 year old what he wants for breakfast, he replies, "Aw, hell, Mom, I guess I'll have some Cheerios". WHACK! He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up, and runs upstairs crying his eyes out, with his mother in hot pursuit, slapping his rear with every step. His mom locks him in his room and shouts, "You can stay there until I let you out!" She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4 year old and asks with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?" "I don't know", he blubbers, "but you can bet your ass it won't be Cheerios"..

 

[hannstew]

My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school
reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his
drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.

I asked her, "Do you know him?"
"Yes", she sighed,
"He's my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking
right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he
hasn't been sober since."

"My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on
celebrating that long?"

 

[camberiu]

http://youtu.be/gxRTFkQtQYs