let,s cheer ourselves up

[Liam3494]

Halloween is coming!


A man is walking home alone late one foggy night...

when behind him he hears:


Bump....




BUMP...




BUMP....


Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street toward him.




BUMP...





BUMP...





BUMP...






Terrified, the man begins to run toward his home, the casket bouncing quickly behind him





FASTER...





FASTER...






BUMP...







BUMP...




BUMP...





He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him.






However, the casket crashes through his door, with the lid of the casket clapping






clappity-BUMP...




clappity-BUMP...






clappity-BUMP...





on his heels, the terrified man runs.





Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps.



With a loud CRASH the casket breaks down the door.









Bumping and clapping toward him.





The man screams and reaches for something, anything, but all he can find is a bottle of cough syrup!







Desperate, he throws the cough syrup at the casket...






and,



WAIT for it....







I said wait for it.......







The coffin stops.

 

[Amargo]

Howard no entendió el chiste, parece

 

[HowardinBA]

Howard no entendió el chiste, parece

si amargo,la verdad,disculpame

 

[hannstew]

Did you know that in the human body there is a nerve that connects the
eyeball to the anus? It's called the Anal Optic Nerve, and it is responsible for giving
people a shitty outlook on life.

If you don't believe it, pull a hair from your ass and see if it
doesn't bring a tear to your eyes.

 

[French jurist]

The Whisky chicken recipe :

Ingredients :
- a 1.8 kilos chicken (preferably de campo)
- olive oil
- 200 grams of bacon cutted in slices
- one liter of whisky
- a teaspoon of thyme

* preheat the oven (220 C)
* Rinse the chicken
* pat dry with paper toweling
* drink a glass of whisky
* season chicken with salt, pepper and thyme.
* wait until the oven has rreached temperature and help yourself with two other glasses
* oven the open and place the cicken inside, time for another one
* have it cooke for 20 miinuts and turnn ut ipside down, meanwile poor 2 more glass
* the chik shall cok for 30 adddtinal minus, were is th bottlee aahhh

 

[barbara matthew]

From Murphy's Law on Sex:

Sex appeal is 50% what you've got
and
50% what people think you've got!

It's better to be looked over than overlooked.

Sex is hereditary
If your parents never had it chances are you won't either!

 

[hannstew]

George Bush, Queen Elizabeth, and Vladimir Putin all die and go to hell. While there, they spy a red phone and ask what the phone is for. The devil tells them it is for calling back to Earth.

Putin asks to call Russia and talks for 5 minutes. When he is finished the devil informs him that the cost is a million dollars, so Putin writes him a check.

Next Queen Elizabeth calls England and talks for 30 minutes. When she is finished the devil informs her that the cost is 6 million dollars, so she writes him a check.

Finally George Bush gets his turn and talks for 4 hours. When he is finished the devil informs him that the cost is $5.00.

When Putin hears this he goes ballistic and asks the devil why Bush got to call the USA so cheaply.

The devil smiles and replies: "Since Obama took over, the country has gone to hell, so it's a local call."


​

 

[French jurist]

Re : the previous joke :

I was waiting for the devil to say to Bush "you did a heck of a job son! Here is for you"

 

[French jurist]

funny translation

 

[BWalker]

Whats invisible and smells like carrots.


Rabbit farts.

[via a 9yo, they have all the good material]